Advice needed re Daughter's 40th Birthday

What about a really nice perfume, it would last longer than the flowers and hopefully would remind her of you, every time she used it.

You could send her a voucher for a meal out - check out local chain restaurants - say Prezzo or similar! Can't go far wrong or misunderstand that. Well I would hope anyway.

Can't you find something that you know she will like? Not too expensive, but a necklace or bracelet, a book if she is a reader, something for her hobby?

I would send something a little more personal than flowers, in your place, as I gather you would love to get back to something remotely like your old relationship with your daughter.

I agree with those who say it would be no kindness to fund their habits, and most things can be sold easily for ready cash, so yes, flowers look like a good idea. Some online florists are better than others (I've used this one with no complaints - www.appleyardflowers.com/ ), but a reputable local (to her) shop might be your best bet, so that you can be sure she gets what you pay for.

I also like the idea of a photo album with pics of her through the years.
Dil did that for our DS on his big birthday. She came to us to ask for the photos to copy. It was lovely.
I hope you come up with a good solution.

As you describe it NJ, cash, or anything that can be turned into cash is out of the question, I think, in those circumstances flowers would be the best solution.

Despite those saying flowers they sent have arrived damaged, I order flowers from Waitrose five or six time a year and have been doing so for about a decade and every order I have made has arrived looking beautiful.

If you can afford it, make it one of their big extravagant scented bouquets, many of their bouquets come in different sizes. It will be a big dramatic gesture, will take her by surprise and might make her realise just how much you care.

I understand from your posts that your daughter and partner are abusing drugs and alcohol. When people are doing that, they become someone else, unreliable, volatile and unpleasant. It is the substances talking, not themselves. All you can do, is keep in contact; the occasional text message or similar. Blame the substances not your daughter for any unkind responses. Hopefully some day this relationship will break up, ones based on substance abuse are notoriously fragile and you may get your daughter back, but in the meanwhile, all you can do, is just keep some contact, however tenuous, with your child. for you as well.