The Minister for Loneliness shares her thoughts.....

All of these 'helpful' (i.e. patronising) suggestions are fine if your family lives nearby..! Neither of my DC lives within two hours drive - so popping over to take me to appointments, or out shopping, isn't exactly practical..!

As some others have already said a large number of older people have no families. I have noticed that a number of houses near near me have been purchased as HMO's for young adults with Learning Difficulties. They seem to have Carers living in. Why can't they do that for the older generation or aren't they worth the bother.

I was speaking to a young man who told me he was working in one of these houses and he was paid more than when he was working as a hairdresser! Perhaps this Minister should look into this?

I suppose it depends on how well or not you get on with your family - I went away once with my DD and now ex SIL and the DGC and it was awful. He booked us into a low budget French motel where the windows barely opened, there was no air conditioning and the toilets and showers were down the corridor in a block. I had the three kiddies in with me and spent most nights trotting back and forth with one of them to the toilets. There wasn't even a kettle in the room to make a hot drink - you were supposed to buy a can from the machine downstairs or wait for the in-house cafe to open in the morning if you wanted a drink. Never again - especially after being told I was being silly for going and buying a travel kettle so we could, at least, have a hot drink and make instant porridge for the kiddies.

I dont want to go on holiday with my children or grandchildren thank you very much. Perhaps I would be used as a "sitter". My holidays are MY holidays which I share with friends since my husband died and we have a great time, just do what we want to do, generally cruising.

My SIL works away from home from Monday to Friday and both my sons work very long hours. All three families need as much leisure time together as they can grab. They really do not need me tagging along with them! Similarly, when I was working and bringing up young children the thought of taking my mother on holiday with us, who I never particularly got on with anyway, would have been unthinkable. It’s up to each of us as we get older to organise our lives as best we can and be grateful for whatever help our busy adult children choose to give us. I spent the last few years looking after my father, who died in March. I soon found out that because services are so stretched that as soon as it is apparent that there is a relative around there is no help offered at all. I often thought that my dad would have been better off if I hadn’t become involved in the first place.

Brilliant article and good for Mim Davis. This threat prooves that however good and well meaning your suggestions people will try and find an angle to be OFFENDED and patronised.

I totally agree with the article. Loneliness is one of the biggest scourges of our society and is on the incrase. Whilst I may not feel lonely or want to go on holiday with my children there are millions who would like to. And nowhere in this article does it say people are forced to go along.

People feel patronised if someone suggests something they agree with but don’t want to do.

We regularly took my widowed Dm and mil on holiday. Once together but my mil was pretty impossible. We took her away every third year- my thinking was that as she had three children they should take turns. They didn't. We have taken dd2 and family away several times and DD1 's family we have had whole summers when parents had to work so we took the children away. We took DD1 and children to Greece at half term to introduce them to Ancient Greece . I had my doubts but it seemed to work. DD1 did treat us to a cottage in Northumberland last year and to weekends away in nice hotels for birthday presents so it is being slowly reciprocated. But I've found the holidays hard work to organise and to establish that I want to do my own thing. I'm ashrouds have no pockets person.

Its daily contact people need, to have social contact with someone, even for just 15 mins not a week or two away and then very little.

Exactly Lumarei and Jane10
So many people are just ready and waiting to have a go at any politician who dares say anything at all, especially if that
Politician happens to be a Conservative.

lemongrove because you never criticise ideas from opposition MPs ???

I do think 'lonliness' is both an internal condition as well as one exacerbated by modern life.
A friend, a carer, is obviously on low income but managed to travel to her DDs for Christmas but needed to be home to work on Boxing Day evening. Sad that for two days families are not , for a variety of reasons, some solvable with political will, able to care for their own relatives at Christmas.

I’d love to go on holiday with my grown up children and my adorable GC but it never occurs to them to invite me ?

Sorry to hear that narrowboatnan
Could you suggest a short break together? If you do a long weekend you would all find out if it 'worked ' or not for you all!

Start by showing a bit of respect.

Thank you PECS I will suggest that to them.

I would prefer not to go on holiday together but perhaps stay somewhere near and meet up a few times so I could see the children and chat with the adults. But never stay with them the whole time. They need the break the time away affords and I wouldn't dream of impinging on their family time. Just to pop by for a meal or spend an afternoon together on the beach would be lovely.

TheMaggie wrote;

"It’s up to each of us as we get older to organise our lives as best we can and be grateful for whatever help our busy adult children choose to give us."

This advice applies to me especially should remember it when I feel sorry for myself .

I definitely wouldn’t want to go on holiday with my Dd and Dgs. Just a few hours in their company, and I need a lie down.

To me,holidays are about relaxing. I find the whole idea, stressful.

Surely it is not a question of whether we holiday with DC/ did holiday with own parents/ want to holiday with DC but are never asked. I have quite deliberately said nothing about how holidays work in our family or closeness or otherwise for appointment purposes, assuming we even need help

For me the key point is that this minister has scooped up all older people from 50 - 110, labelled us allas vulnerable and lonely and then suggested some simplistic solutions that will be quite impossible or impractical for the majority of families.

She then calls up some faux -European comparison. She clearly hasn't visited Europe during the holiday season for the last 50 years. France, Germany are among many European countries suffering the same problems as us. The idea that all European families live in multi-generational households, where everyone rallies round to look after the old and infirm is bunkum.

It is yet another cloud cuckoo plan from a Ministry totally divorced from reality.

I do wonder which Europeans she was thinking of! Here in Denmark, grandparents are definitely not taken on holiday by their children. If three generations do go away together, which is quite rare, you can confidently expect the grandparents to be footing the bill.

I'm sure whole families going away together happens somewhere or other in Europe, but I haven't noticed this while travelling, have you?

Even in Asian countries which are often cited as having multidiciplinary living, this is increasingly not the case in modern life, with urbanisation and smaller living spaces, property not being passed down & both men and women going out to work. The same issues are happening everywhere with increased use of day care for children and nursing homes for the elderly.

It is not a cultural thing. It is a logistical thing.

Young couples leave home towns to work & raise families in increasingly small homes.
Large family homes need to be sold off and redeveloped into smaller units.

It happens in all modernising cultures.

M0nica Oh How True!! Well said - every bit!

It is yet another cloud cuckoo plan from a Ministry totally divorced from reality.

You have clarified the point!

Of course it is not about how we organised our holidays or would like to plan them , with or without our offspring inviting us!! Thank you for opening my eyes to this! I knew I was very frustrated by the whole premise and the way it is presented, but could only cover it by asking to be respected. You have analysed the situation with perspicacity and precision. As always. Thank you!

PECS it wouldn’t matter to some on GN what any Conservative Minister had to say ......unless they were Labour or Lib Dem in which case they would be eagerly
applauded.In any case, the Lib Dems and Labour are not in power, so could ( and do) regularly promise the garden of eden.
Some of what Mim suggests could be helpful.

It has become a kneejerk reaction for some to say a politician is ‘divorced from reality’......rubbish!

We're in the middle of a 'Grand Tour' of 3 of our families. They all live far from us so a lot of driving is involved.
The 4th is in India, so doubt if we'll see them again.
As far as we're concerned, distancmed countries referrede is the main problem. Quite different from my childhs. ood days when we all lived nearby. Probably more like the S. Med families in the OP's link.

An Italian friend of mine was widowed at an early age. She remained in England and brought up her two children alone. When her mother became frail she brought her over to England, and cared for her for many years, until she died. Some years later, although her own health wasn't too good, and her eyesight was failing, she brought over her widowed sister . Her sister had no family in Italy to care for her, and she had cancer. Gina looked after her also, until her death two years later.
This is the Italian way, and they would be astonished at the idea of not caring for family members, no matter how difficult it is. It used to be like that here, as well. I know that it still is, to some people, but many aren't willing to compromise their own lifestyles, and expect someone else to take the responsibility.