We have neighbours in mid-late 80s, both quite frail now but no dementia. There have been occasional falls and spells in hospital, but on the whole they are more or less managing. including shopping, etc. We get a call now and then to help with something, which we're happy to do.
They're still in the house where they've lived for decades - a family house, but far from huge.
Their children both live some distance away - one about a half hour drive, the other quite a bit further.
One of them is urging them to move to a sheltered flat close to her own house. I know this sounds all very sensible in theory, and would certainly be more convenient for the daughter, but I can't help thinking it hasn't been thought through.
From family experience, I know a complete change of surroundings - even things like taps that work differently or a different cooker - can completely throw the frail very elderly, who are still managing largely because everything is so completely familiar. I can't help thinking that a major move like this would be very disturbing for them, and quite likely cause downturns.
Plus there would be all the headache of having to get rid of so much stuff, deciding what to keep, what will fit in a smaller property - coping with viewings from would-be buyers - not to mention all the dealings with estate agents and solicitors, packing up - none of which I think they could cope with themselves now.
They told me yesterday that they're happy where they are and don't at all want to move. Given their ages and general frailty, I can't help thinking they should be left in peace in their own home, at least until some sort of major crisis, which may well happen sooner or later, means that a move - probably to a care home - has become inevitable.
IMO the sort of move proposed should preferably be undertaken before people are very elderly and frail, when they'll be better able to cope with the change.
Any thoughts welcome.
But this thread is about the best living options for very elderly people, not the housing problems facing younger people. The majority of older people own their own home.
However, Witzend’s neighbours are obviously happy with their life as it is and managing just fine
They're not though. They've had multiple falls. That isn't managing fine.
Well, if a person is prone to falls, they're going to happen wherever they are, including very good care homes. I've witnessed a fall in my mother's care home when 2 carers were present - both attending to other residents at the time, and me - sitting on the other side of the room from the resident who got up from his chair and just collapsed on to the floor.
None of us could have got there in time to prevent it.
But that person will have had prompt post fall checks and care.
And someone who is having falls, plural, its not just about the actual falls but a sign of general frailty
Well whatever anyone else thinks I'd be far happier staying in a well maintained house that I know and love rather than downsizing to somewhere else. As for moving into a care home I think it would make me give up and die. So I certainly hope it never happens no matter how many falls I have. In fact if it comes to that and I'm in my 80's like the OP's neighbour I'd hope for a fatal fall.
Keep in mind that it's not just the fall itself. It's what happens afterward.
A fatal fall won't necessarily be fatal at the time of the fall.
Common injuries for older people as a result of falls include:
-hip fracture
-other fractures (e.g. arm)
-subdural hematoma (bleeding underneath the outer membrane that surrounds the brain; this is usually venous bleeding so it can take hours to days to see signs and symptoms)
-dehydration and electrolyte imbalance (if left on the floor for a long time)
-tissue damage and even kidney damage
If a person falls and is not discovered for a long time, there can be extensive muscle breakdown. This can release myoglobin into the bloodstream. (Myoglobin is a protein in muscles that carries oxygen.) Myoglobin is very toxic to the kidneys and can damage them.
If you have a fracture, depending on the effects on local structures, you can actually develop gangrene. Blood supply to the tissues or bone can be interrupted and the tissue can die.
Both gangrene and kidney damage can take several days to cause death and they are not pleasant ways to die. A person could also develop pneumonia from a lack of mobility.
I'm fully aware of what may be involved in a fatal fall and I'd take that option over a care home any day thanks. Also as I have an auto immune condition that causes my blood to clot somewhat randomly the chances of me suffering a bleed as a result of a fall are not that great. I'm nowhere near the OP neighbours age and never likely to be and my POA leaves no doubt as to what I would want in those circumstances. Some of us have had to give it a great deal of thought.
Saying a blanket "no" to leaving your home leaves your POA / NOK in an impossible situation unless you have left financial provision for round the clock PRIVATE in home care if needed.
Funded in home care is a maximum of 4 drop ins a day.
The situation you are potentially setting yourself up for is a "bed blocking" situation which is by far the worst place to be. Some "difficult discharges" stay in open wards for over a year after being medically ready for discharge. > than a year is an extreme example, more likely it would result in bouncing in and out of acute hospital once youre no longer coping at home. How is being (unneccesarily) in acute hospital beds worse than being in a sheltered or care home?
Who says anyone is saying a blanket 'no'? Nor is the DD suggesting a care home, just sheltered housing near her. This couple have a system that works in a neghbourhood they are familar with. They may well chnage their mind if that situation changes.
notanan They are not having 'multiple falls', they are having occasional falls. Not the same thing.
As they say 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it.' Currently this situation ain't broke.
Some of us have already given it a great deal of thought whatever others may think and if one still has all ones marbles one is best placed to decide what to do, no matter who lectures them.
Who says anyone is saying a blanket 'no'? flexiblefriend did
and if one still has all ones marbles one is best placed to decide what to do, no matter who lectures them.
Yup, its their choice
But they also cannot demand that the people they list as next of kin/POA/medical contact are happy about it.
The people listed as POA are fully aware and participated in completion of POA and are in full agreement.
Clearly not in the OPs neighbours case
Yes, the couple in my OP have had falls, but they're still a couple, each well able to use the phone, and as I said, there's a big hospital very close by.
It would of course be a different matter if there was only one of them, or if one had dementia and could no longer understand how to use the phone.
There was a lovely old chap who used to visit his wife (with dementia) in my mother's care home every day. He told me once how he'd collapsed completely with the sheer exhaustion of trying to look after her.
After his collapse, she was unable to remember how to use the phone, or even to open the door once the emergency services arrived, though she did eventually manage to bring him the phone so he could call 999. The ambulance crew had to break the door open. ?
My elderly parents (80s/90s) decided to sell their home and downsize to a retirement village last year. It was completely their decision and although it was a difficult one (my dad changed his mind several times before going ahead at the last minute - stress!), it's certainly a relief for me, to know that they are in a 'community' environment, rather than a little isolated, surrounded by young familes (all their old neighbours having died/moved on) and in a large 4-bed house that was becoming increasingly difficult for them to manage. I think they were right in making the decision to move when a) it was still their decision and b) before it was 'too late'. They moved within the same town, so could still keep the same doctors, etc, which was important to them. It's taking time to settle in, unsurprisingly, after 40 years in the same house and I know they miss their garden but they're not unhappy - they are surrounded by nice people, they're warm and comfortable and there's no maintenance to worry about. I think it was the right decision and I think they think so too but of course, every case is different and what's right for some people isn't necessarily right for others. A difficult one, definitely.
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join the discussion, watch threads and lots more.
Register now »Already registered? Log in with:
Gransnet »Get our top conversations, latest advice, fantastic competitions, and more, straight to your inbox. Sign up to our daily newsletter here.
