Pressure on the very elderly to move house

My elderly parents (80s/90s) decided to sell their home and downsize to a retirement village last year. It was completely their decision and although it was a difficult one (my dad changed his mind several times before going ahead at the last minute - stress!), it's certainly a relief for me, to know that they are in a 'community' environment, rather than a little isolated, surrounded by young familes (all their old neighbours having died/moved on) and in a large 4-bed house that was becoming increasingly difficult for them to manage. I think they were right in making the decision to move when a) it was still their decision and b) before it was 'too late'. They moved within the same town, so could still keep the same doctors, etc, which was important to them. It's taking time to settle in, unsurprisingly, after 40 years in the same house and I know they miss their garden but they're not unhappy - they are surrounded by nice people, they're warm and comfortable and there's no maintenance to worry about. I think it was the right decision and I think they think so too but of course, every case is different and what's right for some people isn't necessarily right for others. A difficult one, definitely.

Yes, the couple in my OP have had falls, but they're still a couple, each well able to use the phone, and as I said, there's a big hospital very close by.

It would of course be a different matter if there was only one of them, or if one had dementia and could no longer understand how to use the phone.

There was a lovely old chap who used to visit his wife (with dementia) in my mother's care home every day. He told me once how he'd collapsed completely with the sheer exhaustion of trying to look after her.

After his collapse, she was unable to remember how to use the phone, or even to open the door once the emergency services arrived, though she did eventually manage to bring him the phone so he could call 999. The ambulance crew had to break the door open. ?

Clearly not in the OPs neighbours case

The people listed as POA are fully aware and participated in completion of POA and are in full agreement.

Who says anyone is saying a blanket 'no'? flexiblefriend did

and if one still has all ones marbles one is best placed to decide what to do, no matter who lectures them.
Yup, its their choice
But they also cannot demand that the people they list as next of kin/POA/medical contact are happy about it.

Some of us have already given it a great deal of thought whatever others may think and if one still has all ones marbles one is best placed to decide what to do, no matter who lectures them.

Who says anyone is saying a blanket 'no'? Nor is the DD suggesting a care home, just sheltered housing near her. This couple have a system that works in a neghbourhood they are familar with. They may well chnage their mind if that situation changes.

notanan They are not having 'multiple falls', they are having occasional falls. Not the same thing.

As they say 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it.' Currently this situation ain't broke.

Saying a blanket "no" to leaving your home leaves your POA / NOK in an impossible situation unless you have left financial provision for round the clock PRIVATE in home care if needed.

Funded in home care is a maximum of 4 drop ins a day.

The situation you are potentially setting yourself up for is a "bed blocking" situation which is by far the worst place to be. Some "difficult discharges" stay in open wards for over a year after being medically ready for discharge. > than a year is an extreme example, more likely it would result in bouncing in and out of acute hospital once youre no longer coping at home. How is being (unneccesarily) in acute hospital beds worse than being in a sheltered or care home?

I'm fully aware of what may be involved in a fatal fall and I'd take that option over a care home any day thanks. Also as I have an auto immune condition that causes my blood to clot somewhat randomly the chances of me suffering a bleed as a result of a fall are not that great. I'm nowhere near the OP neighbours age and never likely to be and my POA leaves no doubt as to what I would want in those circumstances. Some of us have had to give it a great deal of thought.

Keep in mind that it's not just the fall itself. It's what happens afterward.

A fatal fall won't necessarily be fatal at the time of the fall.

Common injuries for older people as a result of falls include:
-hip fracture
-other fractures (e.g. arm)
-subdural hematoma (bleeding underneath the outer membrane that surrounds the brain; this is usually venous bleeding so it can take hours to days to see signs and symptoms)
-dehydration and electrolyte imbalance (if left on the floor for a long time)
-tissue damage and even kidney damage

If a person falls and is not discovered for a long time, there can be extensive muscle breakdown. This can release myoglobin into the bloodstream. (Myoglobin is a protein in muscles that carries oxygen.) Myoglobin is very toxic to the kidneys and can damage them.

If you have a fracture, depending on the effects on local structures, you can actually develop gangrene. Blood supply to the tissues or bone can be interrupted and the tissue can die.

Both gangrene and kidney damage can take several days to cause death and they are not pleasant ways to die. A person could also develop pneumonia from a lack of mobility.

Well whatever anyone else thinks I'd be far happier staying in a well maintained house that I know and love rather than downsizing to somewhere else. As for moving into a care home I think it would make me give up and die. So I certainly hope it never happens no matter how many falls I have. In fact if it comes to that and I'm in my 80's like the OP's neighbour I'd hope for a fatal fall.

And someone who is having falls, plural, its not just about the actual falls but a sign of general frailty

But that person will have had prompt post fall checks and care.

Well, if a person is prone to falls, they're going to happen wherever they are, including very good care homes. I've witnessed a fall in my mother's care home when 2 carers were present - both attending to other residents at the time, and me - sitting on the other side of the room from the resident who got up from his chair and just collapsed on to the floor.
None of us could have got there in time to prevent it.

However, Witzend’s neighbours are obviously happy with their life as it is and managing just fine

They're not though. They've had multiple falls. That isn't managing fine.

But this thread is about the best living options for very elderly people, not the housing problems facing younger people. The majority of older people own their own home.

I fear the ‘care crisis’ will get considerably worse as people have to work longer and so no longer have time to care for relatives.

To many younger people now, especially in London and the SE, where prices have soared into the realms of the ridiculous, buying their own home has certainly become a 'luxury' they can't afford.

They talk of a 'care crisis' now - what about in a few decades, when so many fewer people will be able to sell houses to fund residential care?

And isn’t “homeowner” too much of a generalisation? We managed, through DIY abilities, savings, moves and a lot of luck to have a house big enough to downsize from. Many don’t. They live in terrace houses and two bed bungalows which are difficult to downsize from but they are still “homeowners” with the implication that they’re well off. They may not have to pay rent, but they still have the responsibility and maintenance to worry about which non-home owners don’t have. Home owning isn’t a luxury.

Is that all home owners or over 65s, which is what I was quoting? Either way, what the majority of older people were able to buy and did, can hardly be classed as a luxury. A luxury is something the majority (in this case, of over 65s) cannot/could not afford.

We moved and downsized in our 60’s because our home had become too time consuming and a bit of a chore to look after and maintain. We choose our new home with consideration as to how it would suit our old age when it came. It’s given us time to build up a new social circle and being smaller and easier to maintain we have time to travel, socialise and go out more. However, Witzend’s neighbours are obviously happy with their life as it is and managing just fine. If they want to stay where they are, that’s their decision. Each to their own.

The proportion of home owners dropped from 72% in April 2003 to 58% this year in Greater Manchester, according to a Resolution Foundation report.

oldbatty 70% own a house, hardly a luxury, but the norm for older people

Honestly Monica , no wish to be awkward but property to sell is a luxury for many and savings.

oldbatty my aunt and uncle had enough savings to pay a couple of months care bills and I paid for a month as a loan until the house was sold. The main reason they were moved was that the first home was too expensive in the long run - and although we didn't know it then, it was a long run.

By the time my aunt died there was precious little money left. How much I do not know as I was not expecting to get any. Their house was pretty run of the mill 2 bedroomed bungalow near Swindon.

Is that 'loaded'? I do not think so. Over 70% of over 65s are house owners www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/housing/articles/ukperspectives2016housingandhomeownershipintheuk/2016-05-25