Bored and lonely

Its always good to have something to look forward to gillybob. Any chance of you coming up for another meet up in Edinburgh? I seem to remember you at our last Christmas one (or am I imagining that?)

Dear Gillybob I hope you will forgive my possibly intrusive but kindly intentioned observations.
I have come to realise the massive commitment you have to both your family business and to your grandchildren. You have often said how exhausted and stressed you feel but can see no way out.
I wonder if you have become so inured to the demands made on you that somewhere along the line, you have lost sight of “you”. Like the swan paddling furiously beneath the surface you are clearly holding everything together but at a cost.
So, in the (unlikely?) event if another entirely free Saturday afternoon, all jobs done, nobody needing you to be at their beck and call, what, ideally would you like to do?
A good book? A tv catch up? A DVD? A long soak in the bath, with or without a cheeky and a scented candle? A peaceful walk (which you did yesterday) ? A nap, even!
I fear you have become so used to giving so much of your own time to others that it has become a habit and now it is your turn when you can snatch a half day!
Time to be selfish for once

I couldn’t make the last Edinburgh meet up
Jane10 as we had a last minute “issue” at work (one of our lads attacked another one long story) . I was at the last Christmas meet up at the ROSL ( I dragged Mr along for the train ride) seems like forever ago .....

I have a very boring life but do you know what ? I love it !
Yes,hard to imagine but during my working life I worked myself to a frazzle so much so that my physical health suffered massively. I'd pretty well burnt myself out and began suffering all sorts of problems which I never thought I'd encounter being the physically strong person that I was. During the last ten years before retirement I was a clerical officer with the NHS and loved every minute of it as I was seconded to do other jobs as well from a previous nursing career. Ever the obliging one I worked extra hours for certain clinics because I loved it so much.
However,at 66 I had to call it a day and landed in the same hospital I'd worked in when the consultant said " you must take it easy--or else ". Now at 78 I'm still taking his advice,hahahaha. Plenty to occupy my mind, if I want. I was widowed at 54 and those years have just flown, even latterly doing nothing, though I've still been available for helping family and friends and in my own way I enjoy life-----and living.

It’s great if you love your job but “detest” just about sums my feelings towards my job EllanVannin and theres no way out !

I understand if you work for yourself gillybob. Demanded and trapped.

.....and more often than not unpaid EllanVannin what is there to like ?

We're having another Christmas lunch gillybob...

I feel the same way. get really lonely and bored so easy. I wonder why is that when you get to seventy like me everybody says why don't you join clubs.surely there must be something else to do with my life a bit more exciting. keep looking but still have not found anything. has anybody got any ideas?

Nothing worse than self-employed burnout, gilly. I've been there after twenty years of catering then running a very busy pub/restaurant and camp site. Luckily for us we'd planned our escape and I was able to spend a year bumming around selling plants (DH took up lorry driving) then back into the world of work via teaching until we were both able to retire.

I studied horticulture during my rare moments of 'time off' which I've never regretted. You say you are bored at work when it's not busy so would it be terribly cheeky to take up an online course where you could work at it on and off while you are manning the phone? There is so much to choose from these days and you could even find an alternative source of income when you finally break free. The feeling of empowerment when you've achieved something for yourself cannot be underestimated.

The old saying, 'Don't get mad, get even' could be translated as, 'Don't get bored, get motivated.'

Time for a shake up?

Brendaj, throughout my life I've been people orientated and loved and enjoyed what I did in my working and home life but don't ask me to join any club whatever it might be.
When it comes to places like that I just cringe at the thought. I think it's because I have control of myself and my life,fortunately, and that I don't feel as though I have to join anything for the sake of being alone. Alone isn't the same thing as lonely and we're all different in that respect.
I'd somehow feel that my time was up if I thought I had to join somewhere,it would make me feel like a waif and stray.
Yes some people are easily bored but I never am nor ever have been. When I was fit enough I travelled widely and have all the memories in " proper photographs " which,when I think about it,carry on filling up the empty albums.
Most importantly Brenda keep your health in check as it's vital that you look after yourself. Without decent health it makes life tougher and decision making harder. If you have an interest in something in particular,work on it until it holds your interest.
7 years ago I took up an interest in real crime and still have a hand in it. At the moment it's an on-going case and I bought books on the particular murder. Very interesting and it also keeps the brain active too.

Do you have any craft hobbies? Knitting for instance? I've just finished an Aran sweater and am going to make an owl hat for a friend. It's calming and passes the time.

Dog-walk on beach every morning is great, but leaves me quite tired. A group of us learnt to crochet on retirement, other crafts too. Learnt to quilt last year.

Have a look at www.oddfellows.co.uk organisation. They exist just for the purpose of meeting people and making friends. We joined early this year and it is £25 well spent as they have lots of social activities in our area (also by the sea!)

gillybob you plainly don't enjoy your work. I know its you and your husbands own business but is there an end in sight? Is there an exit plan? My DH had his own business too. He and a partner worked all the hours sent. They didn't own the premises they used but, they decided to set a date to sell the business, had it valued, found a buyer prepared to wait a year then very happily sold up. The time in preparation for selling it really helped them to psychologically get used to the idea, tie up loose ends, and prepare for the next stage in life. That worked well. The value of the business was much more than they'd thought considering they only had stock and good will to sell.
What did DH do next? Set up another business!! But its a formalisation of his long standing hobby so he's very happy.
Is it time you and your DH started some forward planning...

Gillybob. I feel so sorry for you. Get out and about instead of moaning,you are indeed fortunate to be able to get out of bed, many would give their right arm to get out of bed and enjoy some fresh air.

My home is never like a new pin and I live alone, no virtue in having a house looking like a show house, it is meant to be HOME.

When I have nothing else to do, I paint little pebbles. I started last year and it is very relaxing. I spend time looking for inspiration online (Pinterest) then might spend one hour trying to paint/design something which looks attractive. I am not an artist but then you don't need to be for that sort of activity.

gillybob I have sympathised with you several times before over business issues, we have exactly the same issues as you time and time again and it does drag you down. I always find getting outside is a wonderful pick me up, in fact I'm off to the garden now to plant some bulbs I got earlier this week. What about a drive to a garden centre or some baking, both of those always cheer me up.

Mabon it's Brendaj who's the lonely one not gillybob who works her butt off.

Gosh....so many things....reading, knitting, crosswords, jigsaws...... I love this time of year! The relentless battle with grass and hedges is over until spring!
Once the house is clean and tidy....can’t settle until it is....I’m spoilt for choice.....even better when I have the house to myself!

I love spending time indoors, and am never bored.

There may be something on iplayer that I want to catch up on, music to listen to, and I always enjoy reading or spending hours on the internet. There are some lively forums on Gransnet and moneysavingextra.com, also entertaining videos on youtube.

I used to always having some knitting on the go, or a spell at crossstitch. Always starting the day taking my dog for his walk, the days are never long enough.

Life’s too short to be bored and lonely ! Join local Meet Up Groups, start a new hobby, write a bucket list and start ticking it all off. I know it’s hard sometimes when you feel in a rut, but no one knows what’s round the next corner, being housebound or illness etc so grab life while you can ... and enjoy it !

Get a dog! They are the best of company, need looking after and like to go out at least twice a day. It’s great to be greated on coming home by one who is delighted to see you. If you can’t do it now you could borrow a dog on a Saturday and get your own later on. xx

And you meet loads of new people as they are great conversation starters.

it's Brendaj who's the lonely one not gillybob who works her butt off.

Sorry, Ellan but you can be as busy as hell and still be lonely. Gilly's OP says as much.

If I were Gilly I would start planning. There's no quick fix to a way out but if things are going to change you have to make them. All the scented candles and knitting clubs in the world won't cut it even if they provide some temporary comfort.

Sorry if my advice sounds harsh but I've never been the huggy, consoling type. My ethos has always been, 'When the going gets tough, etc., etc.,'

I read Gilly's post and really admire her tenacity and loyalty but it's time for a radical change - with gilly at the helm sorting things out for herself. Everyone else will benefit as well.