Have you ever?

Where do I start?! ( ^I am inclined to be clumsy^ )

When my new spaniel puppy arrived, I was determined to do a decent job of lead training.
Complete with treat in hand, we set out - with my hand at knee level.

It became clear that there was a problem: spaniel puppies are quite small, and I am over 5'10". Keeping her focus on my hand precluded seeing where I was going.

Which is why I walked into a lamp post.
Lamp posts clang when bumped into heavily.
Which is why the puppy was scared, and ran behind me.....tangling my legs in the lead, in the process.
Which is why I ended up on my rear end.
You could not dream up such a ridiculous scene.

Which still does not explain why the gentleman walking past thought it appropriate to say " Good morning"!!

Oh dear, BlueBelle! I once sat on a ledge by the middle exit door on a tour bus in Rome. As the door opened at the next stop, the hydraulic lever next to me squeezed me along until I was squashed squealing into a tiny space and thrown out like a cork from a bottle. I landed on my hands and knees on the floor while people got off around me. DH picked me up all bruised and battered and deposited me on a seat, saying not to worry, nobody noticed. Nobody noticed!! Neither of us could breathe for laughing for the rest of the journey.

I once jumped off a bus prior to a night out, the bus went on its way and I realised I had left the heel of my right stiletto shoe wedged on the bus platform.
The best thing to do was take off my other shoe and spend the evening shoeless. I was a very long way from home too, but luckily I was with a very nice boyfriend - he hared after the bus to retrieve the heel but alas, it had gone!
(no, dear reader, I did not marry him)

Oh yes, there was also the time I rushed to stop my DC shaking the sand out of their sandals over the balcony of our hotel room, not realising the glass balcony door was shut. I smashed into it at force, rebounded backwards across the room and landed on my back on the bed, holding my nose and moaning. I'd got suncream on and left an imprint of my face on the glass door like the one on the Turin shroud.

I smacked into our patio door carrying a plate of dinner and the plate hit me in the ribs - very painful (and messy).

Maggiemaybe that's what pigeons do - leave a lovely imprint on the windows!

Not sure if this counts, and have mentioned this before, but on a train, after too much coffee, went to the loo pulled down the trousers of my suit, but forgot the thong, consequently weed all over it, couldn't face the contortions of trying to get it under the hand dryer, neither could I face going into a client meeting smelling of wee, so took it off, chucked it in the bin and had to go commando for the rest of the day.

Out with my son walking his boisterous dog in a park on the end of a 25ft lunging rein...dog is liable to run off if let loose...I made the mistake of standing 24ft away from him,he ran around me in ever diminshing circles,until like Del boy in the iconic bar scene,I toppled side ways to the ground bound but fortunately not gagged( my language less than lady like) as my son helpless with laughter couldnt untangle or help me up..has earned me the nickname nanny cannonball

Oh dear. I am laughing at all these incidents. I think Maggiemaybe wins though - just hilarious.

I was once a Sunday school teacher. It was my turn to buy the fruit for the harvest festival, so that all the children would have something to give, if they'd forgotten to bring a contribution.
I was carrying bags of assorted apples, pears, bananas and oranges past the town centre bus stops. There were three busses full of people, and others mulling around.
I tripped over a kerb and went flying. The fruit went bouncing across the road in all directions. I wasn't hurt, just covered with embarrassment!
Not one person helped me gather up the fruit. I managed to find it all, and gathered it up. I must have entertained the people in the busses. ??

My 2 Michael Crawford moments happened over 30 years ago on our first skiing holiday with 2 of our C. Husband and C took to it like ducks to water, I however couldn't turn right, which was unfortunate as the children's drag lift was on the left. After I had wiped out the C's nursery class on numerous occasions I overheard my C say in a very loud voice that's not my Mummy, just some odd lady in the same clothes!!!!!

Towards the end of the week I was on the chairlift with my instructor, the rest of the class had got off before us, he said right ski off now, I didn't!!! Which meant I went round the "whirligig" and started back down the mountain, the lift had to be stopped, an enormously long ladder emerged, with ski instructor climbing up to rescue me!!!!!

Not me this time , but GrannyGravy’s story has reminded me that a friend’s son slipped from the seat of a ski lift on a school trip and completed the journey clinging onto his teacher’s feet. The poor woman said afterwards that she really thought she was going to die.

Definitely an Ooooh Betty moment Maggiemaybe!

mine happened when I was 17 ,I was sent to the dental hospital for checks on a broken tooth.Being very fashion conscious I get dressed up for my trip to Glasgow .Oxford bags in a scarlet and white stripe as I remember.The appointment was a bit of a disaster as my new boyfriend was one of the student dentists who gathered round to peer at my broken tooth,I was very embarasssed but even more so when I stood up and stepped onto my trousers and landed flat on my face .I couldn't get out fast enough .

I refused to allow the children in my class to sit on the long bench in the bus as there were no seat belts, but sat there myself as there were no other seats. The bus lurched round a corner, and I slid its length and landed on my bottom in the aisle. None of the children even laughed, so I was able to reinforce the point about seat belts, somewhat shakily.

These are wonderful, really made me laugh I find when I fall I m almost up before I reach the ground looking to see if anyone has noticed ???

I was 15 and running across a busy road to catch a bus. My boyfriend was ahead of me and neatly vaulted over the double railings lining the pavement. I couldn't vault like he did, but I put one hand on the top railing, leaned over and put other hand on lower one and kicked my legs over. Only I didn't take into account the long handled shoulder bag I was wearing on my right shoulder. It whipped round between the railings and round my neck twice, securing me firmly. My boyfriend collapsed in a heap of laughter while I tried in vain to extricate myself, finally being freed by a passing stranger who was struggling to contain his laughter

What an excellent start to the day!
As a retired teacher, I do identify with eazybee 's story.
Being unable to resist the temptation to 'reinforce the point' and the thought of the children willing themselves not to laugh!!

Not my Michael Crawford moment but I was benind her watching it unfold.
We had travelled by motor-rail to Avignon and they bussed us from the station to the marshalling yard to collect the car. My sister stood up and left her seat but had her arms full of overnight bag and coolbag. Her tie waist, linen cropped trousers slowly descended to her ankles in full view of the entire bus.

Unless you're slim (even then, they're totally useless and uncomfortable) a thong looks like cheese wire cutting through blancmange.

Some years ago teenage daughter was walking to the station along a busy road and was feeling pretty chuffed about the number of toots and cheers she received. Queueing for her train ticket the woman behind her discretely mentioned that her skirt was tucked into her pantyhose. ?

A friend of mine went to an ice skating rink in Canada, the toilets were on the edge of the rink to enable people to go without removing skates. The toilet had no lock so she decided to hang on the coat hook with one had to hold the door shut, all fine whilst she pulled her trousers and pants down, however it all went to pot when she went to sit down, picture the sight as the door swung slowly open with my friend still hanging on the hook, swinging her out with her rear end facing outwards..........

I think I described this on another thread but here goes again:
I decided to empty the compost caddy into the outside compost bin. I slipped my walking boots on but, since it's only a short distance on a flagstone path, I didn't bother doing up the laces. A loop from one boot caught in a hook on the other and my feet were thus tied together. Down I went onto flagstones and gravel, bashing my elbow and hip and wrenching my neck. The vegetable peelings, egg shells, coffee grounds etc. were scattered to the four winds but had to be picked up there and then to prevent my dogs from eating them! Out came the frozen, 'injury peas ' when I was finally back indoors. There was no one to witness my embarrassment but someone did ask me later if I'd been drunk at the time! Cheek!

I was on my honeymoon in France, in a very posh restaurant. I accidentally rested my elbow on the corner of the wooden cheeseboard and a whole red Edam rose up, shot over my shoulder and rolled along the floor to the great amusement of other diners. My face was as red as the cheese!

this happened many years ago. I accompanied a friend and her 3 yr old D to the hospital where the friend had to go weekly for iron injections. Her daughter insisted on going into the cubicle with her Mum. On the way home on a very full London bus (when we still had bus conductors) my friend and I were sitting opposite each other on the long seats when her daughter said, in a very clear, loud voice, 'Mummy, why did you take your knickers off and let that man stick his thing in your bottom'? The whole bus went silent. Because my friend did not ans straight away the child repeated the question. Eventually she found her voice and said 'That man was a doctor and that thing was an injection', the whole bus breathed a sigh of relief, the conductor walked past and said 'Cor, that was a relief love'. Still makes me laugh after all these years.