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For those needing a smile ??

(58 Posts)
MawBroon Fri 14-Sept-18 12:12:25

A friend has just posted this on FB.
I hope she won’t mind me copying them but they are too good to keep to myself!

ARAPROSDOKIANS (never heard of the word) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected.
Winston Churchill loved them.
Some examples:
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
3. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
4. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
5. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
6. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
7. To steal ideas from someone is plagiarism. To steal from many is called research.
8. In filling in an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency', notify: I put 'DOCTOR.'
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look sexy.
11. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
12. A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
14. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Nor is there any future in it.
15. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
16. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.
17. Finally: I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

Charleygirl Fri 14-Sept-18 12:49:58

Most of these made me smile. I also have not heard of that word, maybe I need to get out more!

grannysue05 Fri 14-Sept-18 12:56:53

Made my morning grin
"On the other hand, you may have different fingers"
Any more paraprosdokians out there ?

ninathenana Fri 14-Sept-18 13:13:15

Love No. 9 in particular but they all made me grin

DanniRae Fri 14-Sept-18 13:18:43

Oh MawBroon I loved these even if I can't begin to say what they are.
My favourite is no 10
Thank you for putting a smile on my face grin

Anniebach Fri 14-Sept-18 13:22:17

Loved it and needed a smile. I gave son in law and son in law who isn’t mugs with no 3 on.

lemongrove Fri 14-Sept-18 13:31:35

Good, aren't they?grin
my fave one is 9 too.

farview Fri 14-Sept-18 16:59:26

Really good MawBroon..loved them all especially number 3..

tinaf1 Fri 14-Sept-18 17:20:12

Loved no 9 and 16 really great

kittylester Fri 14-Sept-18 17:24:59

Brilliant Maw. Raised a smile.

Doodle Fri 14-Sept-18 17:25:51

Love them all. Thanks Maw. Sorry I can't make you bold you as my stupid iPad won't let me get the asterisk sign. Also can't provide the double grin to go with it. That's a double grin not a double gin.

kathsue Fri 14-Sept-18 17:31:25

Thanks Maw. They made me laugh. Like no 8. I filled in a form once that asked what to do if my DGS had an asthma attack while he was on a school trip. I put dial 999.

Esspee Fri 14-Sept-18 17:36:30

Doodle. You can find the asterisk sign by hitting 123 then a new key, #+= , appears above it. I expect Maw would prefer the double gin though. grin

Hellosunshine Fri 14-Sept-18 20:40:26

Brilliant! A few made me laugh not just smile, that's got to be good ?.

Jalima1108 Fri 14-Sept-18 21:02:32

Thank you MawBroon
I've heard one or two but most are new to me smile

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

sodapop Fri 14-Sept-18 21:25:27

They are funny Maw I've never heard of Araprosdokians either, cheered me up.
I like the hospitality one too Jalima

Chewbacca Fri 14-Sept-18 21:28:16

Reckon 2 & 3 could be very useful Maw!grin

Apricity Sat 15-Sept-18 05:23:43

???Loved the examples but would struggle to pronounce the word. Doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. ?

No wonder Winston Churchill loved them, he had a wicked wit. My favourite story is the exchange between Churchill and Nancy Astor who apparently loathed each other. Nancy Astor said to Churchill that if he was her husband she would put poison in his coffee. He replied that if she was his wife he'd drink it!

absent Sat 15-Sept-18 05:31:27

I'm not sure that it is the same thing but my father, to my amusement, used to say, "When one door closes, another one shuts".

Apricity Sat 15-Sept-18 05:35:07

Another one is "When I want your opinion I'll give it to you."

morethan2 Sat 15-Sept-18 06:24:19

They made me titter Maw smile thank you

Rufus2 Sat 15-Sept-18 07:48:15

When one door closes, another one shuts".
Absent; My version is more dramatic;
"When one door closes, another slams in your face."

How about;
"Some people say a problem shared is a problem halved."
"Others say a problem shared means that two people now have a problem."

NanKate Sat 15-Sept-18 07:59:42

I love no. 10 about men with a beer gut ?

JoyBloggs Sat 15-Sept-18 08:16:52

No 10 was my favourite too. Thanks, Maw, these are very funny! grin

grandtanteJE65 Sat 15-Sept-18 14:12:35

A friend of mine filling in a form when attempting to take out a Life Insurance policy was faced with the two following questions:

Have you ever been admitted to hospital?

If so, did your stay in hospital lead to any significant change in your life?

To these she answered truthfully to the first: yes, and to the second, yes, a son.

Probably not the answer the insurance company expected, but a really good reason for wanting a life insurance policy.

Thanks Maw for a really good laugh.