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For those needing a smile ??

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MawBroon Fri 14-Sept-18 12:12:25

A friend has just posted this on FB.
I hope she won’t mind me copying them but they are too good to keep to myself!

ARAPROSDOKIANS (never heard of the word) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected.
Winston Churchill loved them.
Some examples:
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
3. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
4. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
5. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
6. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
7. To steal ideas from someone is plagiarism. To steal from many is called research.
8. In filling in an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency', notify: I put 'DOCTOR.'
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look sexy.
11. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
12. A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
14. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Nor is there any future in it.
15. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
16. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.
17. Finally: I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

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gillybob Sat 15-Sept-18 14:19:41

Thanks Maw I have loved reading them. Brilliant.

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FarawayGran Sat 15-Sept-18 14:20:26

I loved these Maw!
Would you mind if I spread the word?
They brightened up my morning, sometimes this is just what we need in these days of Brexit gloom
sunshine
sunshine
sunshine

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lizzypopbottle Sat 15-Sept-18 14:30:33

Groucho Marx was famous for these too. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.... but this wasn't it!" (Maw made a typo btw, they are paraprosdokian)

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barbaralynne Sat 15-Sept-18 14:33:00

Thanks a lot Maw they are wonderful - all of them, and I haven't laughed so much for a while!

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Overthehills Sat 15-Sept-18 14:37:43

Fantastic Maw - made my day!

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sluttygran Sat 15-Sept-18 14:38:24

I love these - have had a good chuckle.
May I offer a naughty one which I heard?
‘ A bird in the hand is no better than a lark in a bush ‘
‘

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grove1234 Sat 15-Sept-18 14:40:37

absolutely fabulous thank you

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Fflaurie Sat 15-Sept-18 14:47:09

Where there's a will..... there's a long lost family

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Glenfinnan Sat 15-Sept-18 14:50:07

Love them have saved them to look at again! Thank you Maw!

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GrammaH Sat 15-Sept-18 14:53:53

I love this one, heard a long time ago from the mouth of Arthur Daley on that great show "Minder"....And mark my words, Terry, what I always say is 'a friend in need is a pest ' " !

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Conni7 Sat 15-Sept-18 14:54:57

Thanks for the good laugh. It made my day! [Smile]

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Conni7 Sat 15-Sept-18 14:55:36

Why doesn't the smiley appear?

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lesley4357 Sat 15-Sept-18 15:04:38

Love number 16!!

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MysticalUnicorn Sat 15-Sept-18 15:07:24

I enjoyed them all, thank you, and since I can't pronounce the word either I'm off to find the double gin in the hope that either it will make it easier to say or put me in the frame of mind where I don't care that a word has beaten me!

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Harris27 Sat 15-Sept-18 15:38:20

Love it have had a chuckle!

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luluaugust Sat 15-Sept-18 16:04:47

Maw thanks really cheered me up.

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kittylester Sat 15-Sept-18 16:06:12

conni you used a capital S.

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gillybob Sat 15-Sept-18 16:13:53

Apologies if it’s already been done but how about ...

^I once shot an elephant in my pyjamas
Quite how it got in there I’ll never know ^

Groucho Marx

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Alypoole Sat 15-Sept-18 16:45:09

Really enjoyed, thank you. My favourite was No. 16.

Loved the Winston Churchill example Apricity

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jocork Sat 15-Sept-18 16:49:09

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. ...
Winston Churchill

I particularly liked number 10 too. smile

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knspol Sat 15-Sept-18 18:08:00

Love them, 3, 9 and 16 are filed in my handbag for later use.

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Liz08 Sat 15-Sept-18 18:40:31

In the same vein (vane?) - I recently read this:
There are only 3 truthful things in life
Small children, drunks and leggings …… grin

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Urmstongran Sat 15-Sept-18 21:16:10

‘Where there’s a will there’s a relative’. Love that one.

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Poppy11 Sat 15-Sept-18 22:39:12

Love number 16 but in fairness I tittered at all of them.thank you.

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jaclovesdogs Sat 15-Sept-18 22:59:12

Brilliant it really made me laugh and I have forwarded this email to a few friends so they can enjoy it too. Thank you Mawbroon.

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