Have decided I have become neurotic

Reading this in the wee small hours and Annie you do make me smile. I have been chuckling at parts of this thread but I do understand your dilemma and frustration. Illness and life's hardships can take their toll and reduce us to weaker versions of our former selves both physically and mentally.

You do sound determined to overcome your fears and it's to your credit that you haven't given up. Believe you have a guardian angel by your side when you sit on Fred, who will accompany you on all your journeys, even that short, very first one. Grans everywhere will be cheering you on too.

Wishing you continued determination Annie, and the ability to make that journey very soon. You can do it.

It’s just making that first little excursion really, isn’t it? Once you’ve done that you’ll have broken the ice. Is there a neighbour you would feel happy about asking just to walk along beside you, or jog if necessary? I’m sure the thought is more daunting than the reality will be, but I can understand how you need to,pluck up courage. Give yourself a target. Definitely this week, weather permitting!

You are so kind, I must be getting on your wick now. Really feel like giving up and selling Fred. I was so positive when I bought him. Was promised by a woman who lives in the close and is an EFT practitioner she would give me treatment and walk around the Close with me and introduce me to the neighbours, still waiting. A woman from MIND promised they would come out with me , haven’t heard from her for several months.

I am afraid of the canopy, decided to take it off, Son in law who isn’t said ‘ you can’t do that after I laid the paving,

Yes I am whinging again, but how many more set backs, but I am not a miserable sod when I speak to these people, keep that for here ?.

Just need help for that first time out, I am a whimp.

Sorry , feel down, thank you x

If only any of us could walk alongside you on that first trip we would be there like a shot but we will be with you in spirit! Do you have a drive you can go down and reverse back up before you pluck up the courage to venture round the block? To be honest if you can keep the canopy on I think you'd feel the benefit of it in the cold weather - I saw someone yesterday trudging down the street fully enclosed and thought how well he was protected. Even if you have to keep the front open it will keep your back warmer. Would your SIL who isn't be able to just take that first trip with you? Once you get out there you'll probably meet people which will be another step on the road to recovery.

www.indiamart.com/proddetail/bike-umbrella-11852495788.html

perhaps this would work annie?

Update - yes another one , please don’t groan ‘ oh not again’

After I read your posts this morning, sat, thought, grabbed scooter keys, phone and walking stick .

Went out front door, no panic. ?

Stood by Fred, undo zip, not easy with twisted fingers, phone , walking stick on ground, zip has a twin zip on the inside, starting to unzip, inside zip got stuck in front of outside zip ? got it free, couldn’t unzip right down so had to climb in , very little room, nothing to hold onto. Half closed side opening.

Sat on seat, hard roof about 2 inches above my head. Looked through front screen to cars across the Close, the screen isn’t flat like glass and there was condensation, wiped it, the cars looked as if they had been pranged, the plastic not being completely flat meant vision was most odd. Turned to look out of rear screen, it was flat against the back of the seat. Started to feel panicky , ckimbed out, zipped it up, came indoors and said ‘ oh dear me’ not true, said ‘sod it, that thing is going, not Fred, the canopy.

Wouldn’t be able to use it in the rain, no wiper blades as does a car.

I ordered fleece trousers and am having a Poncho designed and made for me with a hood , can wear think jumpers and not feel restricted .

The screen has to go. But I did try thanks to you X

Well done for trying, Annie. The first step is the hardest. Could you try just getting in and out of it without intending to go anywhere? Just to get used to it.

One thing I learnt about panic attacks......If you can keep breathing and wait it out it will pass. Easier said than done, I know.

Keep on with the updates. Nobody is groaning, we're all supporting you in spirit.

Well done, for trying. Looks like you have a plan now. Keep up the momentum.

I can easily imagine what a turkey in the roasting tin could feel like

Have you thought of using a bicycle cape to keep you dry and protected from the wind; and to make you feel a bit more protected. I was looking on a disability website and this seems to be what people do. You would look like a superhero!!!

The daft thing is, if I can’t see through the screen when it’s raining I can’t take Fred out in the rain. A bicycle cape mmmm, will look thank you Luckygirl

Annie very well done for taking that first step. You TRIED! I do see your point about visibility and maybe the canopy will need to come off for now. Then you could try and get your confidence back about using it. As someone said, it would be no harm to just try getting in and out of it, getting a feel for it. Why not contact the neighbour who said she’d help? She may be waiting for you to make the first move. By the way you are not whingeing at all, you are just sharing your thoughts and feelings with friends! Contact that neighbour and take it from there!

I think I would feel the same Annie about the canopy, as you need clear vision.Either wrap up if it looks like rain, or go out only when dry if possible.Good luck......you have to do it, we are all waiting for your report!

Bellanonna, I did contact the neighbour, she said she was home schooling her grandson, the unit in the local junior school has closed and the children there have to move to a school the other side of town , her little grandson refuses to go.

lemon, I have got in a right pickle haven’t I? It all seemed so straight forward . I trusted the local MIND, big mistake. I am determined to get back out there , have to have a new plan .

Well Annie you walked out of the front door and felt no panic.........that's good eh?
Maybe forget about Fred, for now, and go out the door and to a spot just nearby. Maybe the gate? Or just past next door. Then when you are doing this without a problem - no matter how long it takes - go a little bit further. You are then expanding your world, bit by bit, and this is all progress.
Good Luck!!

Danni, I have muscle wastage, can’t walk the distances I want to which is why I bought Fred. I am in a pickle .

Annie, I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but I don't, and I feel frustrated. I am willing you onwards, to pluck up the courage to get on/in Fred, press start, and go. Anywhere, somewhere, just for a couple of minutes. I think ditching the cover sounds a good idea, as poor visibility in the rain, is not a good idea. Poor old Fred, he will be wondering what he has done, not giving you your ride of a lifetime. Best wishes, and {{{hugs}}} .
You will get there, we are all determined.

Auntyflo. I do say good morning to Fred when I get the milk in ?. I am determined to get it sorted. Just received email from the Church, it’s in serious trouble , I need to get there, not that I can sort out the troubles but I can share them . I use to do a lot of fund raising , I would like to help with this, we musn’t close yet another church.

I am so blessed to have the support here x

I am coming to this thread late, but there must be someone in your church who could come out with you? It's only like your first drive alone passing your test, you feel terrified, but it gets much easier until you grab the keys and go without thinking about it. You church needs you, so ring up someone and ask them to come out with you just for your first few trips. There will be many lonely people who would welcome being asked?

Sorry Annie, I didn't know about your muscle wastage or I wouldn't have encouraged you to go out walking. I'm still really hopeful for you to go out on Fred..........and I know you will conquer this some time soon. I think ringing the church and asking for someone to come out with you is a very good idea. I too feel sure there is someone who will be glad to help you, as B9 suggested as most people like to feel useful

I don’t know this Church community , I only moved to this parish last year .

No apology needed Dannie

I do not think that it matters that you are new to this church community - I am sure that they would help you if you asked directly. You need to speak up!! - and give them a chance to feel good about themselves!!

You WILL get there I am sure.

Luckygirl, I plucked up courage to ask MIND for help , what harm they did. Too fearful to reach out again, I will get out there with Fred, just wish it could be this week, weather is perfect, sunshine and blue sky. Have ordered warm clothes ready to get Fred moving come problems solved

Annie please ask the church for help.
You getting there will benefit them.
It's a two way street.
They help you
You help them.

Annie I'm not being flippant.
I know it's hard I have a very close relative who had panic attacks and couldn't leave the house.
With help, time and patience she over came the agoraphobia, (still gets some panic attacks) but is now able to go out thankfully.

I feel that you probably need some coping strategies.
I'm sure there must be GNers out there that have over come a similar hurdle.
May be an agoraphobia thread? xx

annie I'm so proud of you for giving it a go. Getting out there and sitting in Fred. I think maybe you are right about getting the canopy off. It seems to be causing you additional worries and problems. Your vision would be improved without it too.