Friends issue.....can you make any sense of this please?

Batty, imho you need to get out and meet people. Any local groups you can try? Even if they are not your cup of tea, just try them anyway, you could be surprised. Anything at a library or community centre?
The first time you walk in is the most scary, gradually it gets better!

Digressing but this is to Petra: maybe you try to be too nice? Stop with the excuses and just say no! If they phone and ask if they can stay don’t say you are away ... just say no sorry. End of! Sometimes bluntness is the only way....

Bluegal
I kept the 'friendship' going for years because I really liked the wife ( everyone does) but his behaviour has now outweighed my love for her, very sad as when we met up it was as if we saw each other every day

Heres whats happening from someone who does this

You are equating old friend = good friend (even though you know theyre not)
They are a connection to a particular time in your life and it feels wrong to break those connections.
BUT it is wrong to be friends "for old times sake" if you cant connect in the present tense, it leads to mini resentments and bikering and petty irritations.

Good point notanan Having had, in my time.many school gate friends/neighbours and an assortment of friends from various jobs I did, I’ve now touch with most of them - in part due to relocating to another part of the country when my husband took early retirement. In the main I just tell myself that some friendships were for then but not for now, there are some I regret losing touch with but others to be honest I’m happy to have a reason to let go. Other friends of many, many years standing I find I’ve less in common with these days but the value of those relationships is more in the shared history we have. Very possibly if we were meeting one another as we are now we would not become friends, we all change as we live life, get older and maybe a bit wiser too.
I hope you find a way of resolving your struggle old batty , it’s clearly causing you some distress.

I'm with you KatyK as regards "friends" and never thought it odd.
oldbatty....if a situation or person makes you feel uncomfortable, then remove yourself from it/them.
Try to be honest and you might be surprised at how much easier it becomes to do so as time passes, in other areas of your life.
Honesty may cause strong reactions where acquaintances are concerned, but that's their issue, not yours

Elrel, yes I do need to be more proactive, hard to do sometimes though when mood is low.

I need to stop thinking about the past and past friendships because that one belongs firmly in the past and doesn't deserve another airing.

One piece of advice I am giving my DIL ... don’t get involved with the people who take their kids to school ... bad
Move ... never works out and don’t let them in your house ..... I learned the hard way ... life to short for the rubbish that goes on with the gossipers and trouble makers ... draining and a waste of precious time .... some people invest more time in their “friends “ than their other haves and kids .... they will regret it I promise you. ... friends are never for life .....

I certainly agree that indulging in senseless and unpleasant gossip is unkind and the wrong thing to do.

Everyone's experience is different but I've had a lot of pleasure from my friendships with people I've met through toddler groups, playgroups and school.

One thing though - I've never gone in for competitive behaviour and bragging and, although I hope I am friendly, I have not told people all my business or the business of my family. Perhaps that's the key - be nice and warm towards people without telling them everything!

I agree too Melanie

I detest unpleasant gossip, and those who indulge in it.

What a sad post .*pebbles*.
I’ve never had anything to do with people who gossip, but when I was at home with 3 small children, MrA leaving the house at 7 and often returning 12 hours later, and both DM and DMiL thousands of miles away, my friends were my lifeline.
We supported each other, looked after each others’ children and were welcome in each others’ houses.
The bonds of friendship are still there 40 years on.

Pebbles77 That is very sad.
I made a few friends who gave me much pleasure when my children were small and I was doing the drop off and pick ups!
I am still friends with 3 or 4 of them, The others just drifted away from me, or I did from them? either way no falling out.