Your advice taken

Depends on the gardener Annie

Hopefully the sun will shine for the next few days and you can sit out there every morning!

Many years ago, when a student, I accompanied a friend to see a psychiatrist. My friend suffered from anxiety/depression and , possibly, had agoraphobic tendencies (I have no medical qualifications!) as she rarely attended lectures as she could not go out without someone with her and certainly not use the tube. We had to travel from the Oval to Hampstead for her appointment. The psychiatrist was very abrupt when he saw me with my friend and asked why I had come with her. I have always remembered that.. but maybe it is a strategy to actually aid the person? As I say I am not an expert on mental health treatment so would not know. Maybe our 'common sense' is not alsways what is needed?

Maybe, maybe not

Nfk ?

Jane10, you should be ashamed of yourself. I hope you will just shut up now and not cause further distress to Annie. You are clearly prejudiced against her, and you are NOT helping.

Can I say a word of gentle support for Jane 10's comments here. I'm not criticising Anniebach and sincerely hope her self help plans work for her. We are often our own best therapist. However, I don't see Jane10's comments as being prejudiced against Annie and I don't feel Jane10 has anything to be ashamed of.

Thank you Iam64. I truly am not prejudiced as I think Anniebach knows too. I've tried to be supportive to her over the years.

there are several consulting rooms which are used once a month , very close to to the two wards for the elderly
I can see no reason why you could not be seen in a consulting room and not the locked ward Anniebach - after all, it would probably be just a walk down a corridor for the consultant. I realise his time is precious Jane10, but, in fact, seeing patients in a consulting room rather than that type of ward would surely be beneficial to other patients, not just Anniebach.

and actually, mental health services are far worse in Wales than in the rest of the UK, in fact, they are diabolical.
I know because a young friend has waited for so long to be seen that his parents have paid for him to go privately.

how kind not to criticise me Iam, I am quite sure my method of recovery will help , no idea how much, a long way to go , but I do know crossing that bridge would have pushed me over the edge.

I think if you’d tried to keep that appointment your fear of locked doors may well have proved justified!!

Nfk, if i could have I would have gone there, it was asking too much and I may be so wrong but I think he knew this. Why on being told I couldn’t go near the bridge and couldn’t lock my doors at night or day was he really accommodating me by telling me to cross that bridge and go into the locked ward . I wonder if I would have got from there .

Annie, I think your 'baby-steps' plan for yourself is very sensible. You do not want to have the fears that are paralysing you, but you recognise them and I really hope bit-by-bit you can conquer most of them. It seems perfectly understandable that crossing that bridge after your daughter's death is something you just cannot do.

In a way, you are trying to cross the other bridge that is holding you back, making you a prisoner in your own home. That you are having to do this without much support (if any!) from professionals, is admirable, and I wish you all the best,

I am not sure that the tough-love approach to facing your fears is appropriate given you are still grieving. Cross the bridge, enter a locked ward? I am sure if you were able to, you would, but you're not.

Know that we are cheering you on Annie. Take it slowly. You have faced many, many difficult challenges. Here is one more to test you.

I do hope a more sympathetic counsellor from the mental health team is able to help you. Big hugs.

annie- so sorry to hear that you’re having such a difficult time at the moment. Do you have to see a psychiatrist for a CPN referral? I know that some medical practices have an attached CPN and that GPs can refer directly. Is there perhaps a counsellor at your practice who could provide initial support while more appropriate services are put in place?

Have you thought about looking at support from mental health charities? Mind is probably the must well known, but I had a quick google and Wales appears to also have its own charity called Gofal. These organisations provide a range of support services and hopefully you could find support that more closely matched your needs.

The other service which might prove useful is Cruse. Their counsellors could help you with the significant trauma of your daughter’s death, and this might enable you to deal with the barrier of the bridge.

I hope you manage to find some help/support to get you through this.

Just to say that I don't consider Jane 10's comments to be harsh, thoughtless or anything to be ashamed of.
I consider them to be constructive and based on factual knowledge of an area which she understands well.

Jane spoke of her experience , I spoke of mine. Perhaps the Gosport thread is best to defend the actions of some in the NHS.

Sadly there are some bad professionals/workers/ people in the world in all walks of life and it is dreadful when their actions have such awful consqeuences. It is hard to maintain a sense of proportion when it is you or your loved ones who have suffered as a result of their actions. But the truth is there is far more good stuff happening than bad. Hopefully Annie you will soon have the opportunity to have good help and support to get you through your current difficulties.

You are all so kind, x

I have tried really hard to get support. I did contact CRUSE some time ago , they offered telephone support but it didn’t help, my fault, I am ‘so together ‘ on the phone.

I applied for a house move, they said I had no good reason to move so would not consider me. I tried private lets but no one would allow a dog and I cannot part with Lottie.

I had several talks with someone from MIND, I use to work with her mother, small town !, her brother took his life in the same spot as my darling daughter, her mother finally decided to move away, she now lives in England near to her elder son.

I have muscle wastage, too much time lazing on the sofa, I tried to find help with exercise instructions but the same , physiotherapist on NHS is at the hospital - across the bridge.

I really have tried so hard to find support as you all have advised.

It’s the bridge, sorry to keep on about it, suppose I should toughen up but I really cannot cope with seeing it, hard enough when have i thoughts of her there that night , seeing it would be more than I could cope with. She was my whole world, can’t explain it,

Gardners not coming today, so step three on hold ?

Can you get some support with getting the support?

A family member? A friend? Could you tell a family member of your struggles and they might fund therapy?

Annie only just caught up with this. I really wish there was some constructive advice I could give but I don't have any other than sending out good luck wishes.

I do know how distressing a locked MH ward is having visited someone in one many years ago and even though things may have changed now the possibility of seeing people in there you know would be an added distress to you. I simply can't understand how anyone suffering from acrophobia can be expected to attend an appointment outside of their home. Surely the first step would be some kind of therapist to visit although I know the cost of this to the NHS is prohibitive.

Your own plan with the small steps sounds a very good idea - maybe then try taking Lottie a bit further down the garden each day - she will be a helpful distraction. Set goals for yourself so that when you reach them you can set another one. You'll get there in the end - it's still very early days after all you've been through so don't be too hard on yourself.

Can you practice for the gardeners by putting a chair in the open doorway and sit there to have a cup of tea and a biscuit with Lottie?

I have ventured into the back garden , my Rock Rose needed watering and no one will be calling untill next Tuesday, I watered fourteen pots on the patio, couldn’t venture further to water a few more but I went onto the patio, about 9ft, furtherest I have been from the house since last November, and saved £10 by not phoning for the odd job man to call and water them ?.

Grandchildren and their father gone to Ireland to take their paternal grandfather’s ashes home .
Thank you all so much x

Annie that is brilliant news x

??? ?

Fantastic Annie! Fourteen pots means you were out quite a while. That’s brilliant going. Now - that patio really needs sweeping!! (I’m not nagging or anything!).