Your advice taken

Brilliant Annie! The hat and sunglasses act like a snail taking it’s house with it. Keep it up, I bet Lottie loves you being out there with her. XX

I haven't read all that's happened to you, Annie, but just catching the little bits you've said in this thread, I'm not surprised you retreated from everything.

It's wonderful to hear you've started to make progress now. Keep your determination going (even if it flags a little sometimes) and you can achieve what you want.

Thank you x. If Jemima Fawr can fight off a French invasion I can fight this ?

Anniebach I am another one who readily take my hat off to you..........the big sun hat type!!...........you are really far from an attention seeker, because we are learning anew each day, that in actual fact you are made of steel..............not the hard unbending kind.............but one that is strong as it gets, but bends and softens when the need arises.

Of course being a stauch welsh lady I knew you would have what it takes to overcome your horrendous battles..... and I am Sooooooooooooo proud of you.
A shame on those that should understand better and offer real help.............but perhaps they too can see this strong lady... whom when the chips are down...... will not let anything beat her.

My motto through my own difficulties have been simply "One day at a time," and yes it has got me through,whilst I think your method will start a new page into "How to overcome real traumas" such as you have experienced.

Well done Anniebach and may those Flowerpots need daily watering...... twice a day and get you out there strenghening and recovering from your Agorophobia........and everything else that is hindering you perform naturally.
One step at a time seems the perfect answer to me .......
I KNOW you can do it...........and God Bless every step you take.

I seem an attention seeker but really am not. It was hard losing a large extended family in one day. I miss my three sisters and worry about them but nothing I can do, their decision.

You are allowed to laugh at this , I went around the garden pots , hose pipe in one hand walking stick in the other , walking stitcks are great if fear gives shaky legs, you feel the ground in your hand, if that makes sense. I went from pot to pot muttering - one for Grans, two for Grans, three for Grans etc ?

Right back to my recovery programme.

Thank you for such caring advice, I will start with exercise on the sofa, haven’t got a chair, the sofa has become my nest, my safe place, I have to overcome this.

Got the big hat and wrapped around sunglasses , these are a help, narrows my view, something to do with concave and concurve of the eyes, mine curve the wrong way and take in a wide vision, don’t understand but it was explained by my optician years ago.

Thank you all so much x

I alternate the knee bends with rising onto tiptoes! It’s amazing what a workout you can have while waiting for the kettle to boil!

Good luck for today Annie. Perhaps the heatwave is God’s way of getting you out there! (And try the big hat!)

annie I latched on to your concerns about muscle wastage and physio help. I'm a bit obsessed with this just now ( post-op).
I've been assured that the gentlest of exercises are worth doing - simple ones that don't really need
professional input.
Hold the kitchen worktop and do very gentle kneebends. Take the weight on one leg and swing the other out to the side and back. Then swap over.
When 'lazing on the sofa' rotate ankles clockwise and anti- clockwise. All of these 10 times each.

Sorry if this is teaching a grandmother to suck eggs but I have found it so useful just to focus on these simple exercises for ten minutes twice a day.
Lots more help on line too so please give it a try.

I'm very impressed by your thoughtful and structured plan for your recovery and am aware of a huge sense of support for you here.
It also makes me realise that mental and emotional recovery is much harder than physical improvement.

So pleased you managed the watering amnie. Keep reminding yourself you did it and if you did it once you can do it again. Huge step forward. You’re exactly right, keep doing it and the fear will pass. Sending love and hugs.

Regarding muscle wastage from lack of exercise, if you look at chairobics on YouTube you will find lots of exercises you can do indoors. Building up fitness levels would be beneficial to you and will lift your spirit as well. I did a short session with our WI and they enjoyed it.

Go Girl, you are doing brilliantly Annie! Sending hugs (cant do the symbol thingies!)

I was trembling the whole time, but will keep doing it and the fear will pass. Felt like crying when the weather forecaster said ‘heatwave on the way’ , ?

Fantastic Annie! Fourteen pots means you were out quite a while. That’s brilliant going. Now - that patio really needs sweeping!! (I’m not nagging or anything!).

??? ?

Annie that is brilliant news x

I have ventured into the back garden , my Rock Rose needed watering and no one will be calling untill next Tuesday, I watered fourteen pots on the patio, couldn’t venture further to water a few more but I went onto the patio, about 9ft, furtherest I have been from the house since last November, and saved £10 by not phoning for the odd job man to call and water them ?.

Grandchildren and their father gone to Ireland to take their paternal grandfather’s ashes home .
Thank you all so much x

Can you practice for the gardeners by putting a chair in the open doorway and sit there to have a cup of tea and a biscuit with Lottie?

Annie only just caught up with this. I really wish there was some constructive advice I could give but I don't have any other than sending out good luck wishes.

I do know how distressing a locked MH ward is having visited someone in one many years ago and even though things may have changed now the possibility of seeing people in there you know would be an added distress to you. I simply can't understand how anyone suffering from acrophobia can be expected to attend an appointment outside of their home. Surely the first step would be some kind of therapist to visit although I know the cost of this to the NHS is prohibitive.

Your own plan with the small steps sounds a very good idea - maybe then try taking Lottie a bit further down the garden each day - she will be a helpful distraction. Set goals for yourself so that when you reach them you can set another one. You'll get there in the end - it's still very early days after all you've been through so don't be too hard on yourself.

Can you get some support with getting the support?

A family member? A friend? Could you tell a family member of your struggles and they might fund therapy?

You are all so kind, x

I have tried really hard to get support. I did contact CRUSE some time ago , they offered telephone support but it didn’t help, my fault, I am ‘so together ‘ on the phone.

I applied for a house move, they said I had no good reason to move so would not consider me. I tried private lets but no one would allow a dog and I cannot part with Lottie.

I had several talks with someone from MIND, I use to work with her mother, small town !, her brother took his life in the same spot as my darling daughter, her mother finally decided to move away, she now lives in England near to her elder son.

I have muscle wastage, too much time lazing on the sofa, I tried to find help with exercise instructions but the same , physiotherapist on NHS is at the hospital - across the bridge.

I really have tried so hard to find support as you all have advised.

It’s the bridge, sorry to keep on about it, suppose I should toughen up but I really cannot cope with seeing it, hard enough when have i thoughts of her there that night , seeing it would be more than I could cope with. She was my whole world, can’t explain it,

Gardners not coming today, so step three on hold ?

Sadly there are some bad professionals/workers/ people in the world in all walks of life and it is dreadful when their actions have such awful consqeuences. It is hard to maintain a sense of proportion when it is you or your loved ones who have suffered as a result of their actions. But the truth is there is far more good stuff happening than bad. Hopefully Annie you will soon have the opportunity to have good help and support to get you through your current difficulties.

Jane spoke of her experience , I spoke of mine. Perhaps the Gosport thread is best to defend the actions of some in the NHS.

Just to say that I don't consider Jane 10's comments to be harsh, thoughtless or anything to be ashamed of.
I consider them to be constructive and based on factual knowledge of an area which she understands well.

annie- so sorry to hear that you’re having such a difficult time at the moment. Do you have to see a psychiatrist for a CPN referral? I know that some medical practices have an attached CPN and that GPs can refer directly. Is there perhaps a counsellor at your practice who could provide initial support while more appropriate services are put in place?

Have you thought about looking at support from mental health charities? Mind is probably the must well known, but I had a quick google and Wales appears to also have its own charity called Gofal. These organisations provide a range of support services and hopefully you could find support that more closely matched your needs.

The other service which might prove useful is Cruse. Their counsellors could help you with the significant trauma of your daughter’s death, and this might enable you to deal with the barrier of the bridge.

I hope you manage to find some help/support to get you through this.

Annie, I think your 'baby-steps' plan for yourself is very sensible. You do not want to have the fears that are paralysing you, but you recognise them and I really hope bit-by-bit you can conquer most of them. It seems perfectly understandable that crossing that bridge after your daughter's death is something you just cannot do.

In a way, you are trying to cross the other bridge that is holding you back, making you a prisoner in your own home. That you are having to do this without much support (if any!) from professionals, is admirable, and I wish you all the best,

I am not sure that the tough-love approach to facing your fears is appropriate given you are still grieving. Cross the bridge, enter a locked ward? I am sure if you were able to, you would, but you're not.

Know that we are cheering you on Annie. Take it slowly. You have faced many, many difficult challenges. Here is one more to test you.

I do hope a more sympathetic counsellor from the mental health team is able to help you. Big hugs.

Nfk, if i could have I would have gone there, it was asking too much and I may be so wrong but I think he knew this. Why on being told I couldn’t go near the bridge and couldn’t lock my doors at night or day was he really accommodating me by telling me to cross that bridge and go into the locked ward . I wonder if I would have got from there .