Sorry but I am so sad

Sorry Annie I’ve only just seen this thread. .

And just as you were starting to get a bit fatter too! It’s a shame both girls are moving at the same time, I think you had said one was going. I can understand why they want to move away, but it looks like your youngest will be coming past quite close, quite often if she’s living north and at uni to the south, I’m sure she’ll pop in often. 60 miles may be the moon to you but its not so far for her.

And don’t worry about your daughter’s ashes. I know someone who has her son’s ashes with her still. After 15 years. Its not uncommon. If it makes you feel better and it feels right, then it is right.

Perhaps its time to consider moving away from that bloody bridge too. There must be a way. Around here some housing with care places do take small dogs provided you can clear up after them and excercise them.

There must be some help you can get somewhere to overcome the agrophobia surely. A local Agrophobics Anonymous?! You have tried crying haven’t you? When you do get to see your GP? Putting on a brave face doesn’t work. Hysterics does!! If you look as if you’re coping you’ll be left on your own. XX

I am ok. It was a shock the little one moving , big mistake, she thinks she can drive 100 miles to university .

No local groups, have applied for a move but told no. I can’t afford a private rent . This is a rural area, the nearest Age Wales is 30 miles away . Mental health teams are divided, under 65 a team in the town, over 65 ten miles away. They do not make home visits, I can’t afford a car. Cruse office is 60 miles away . I had a down moment when I started this thread. Quite simple really - get a grip ?

sorry Annie? dont understand the potential 100 mile drive to University?
Must be dim!

I dont know your circumstances but please go to the GP. I am not for a moment doubting that MH is poorly funded but perhaps there is something out there?
Ring Cruse maybe?

oldbatty, my granddaughter is moving north the university is in the south , distance between the two is 100 miles . This town is midway between the two. Her boyfriend works in the north, until they move he drives 59 miles to work, granddaughter travels by bus 50 miles to the university , I thought they would have looked for a place here and shared the travelling but no, he will be a few minutes from work and she will be 100 miles from university. Can you see why I am troubled ? And no you are not dim x ?

Does she stay at uni? Otherwise it seems a no brainer to me that they should live between the two places, but I do see why she feels the need to move away from the town and the memories.

I know GPs are disinclined to do home visits unless they have to but sometimes you have to be a pain in their sides to get attention. The most demanding little birds get fed first and all that. I think it’s time you made a bit more of a fuss. You deserve it.

No, she gave up Halls of residence when her mother died. She is too vunerable.

My goodness! 200 miles a day? Even on a motorway it’ll be tiring. They’ll move again before long, you’ll see!

mmmm thanks. I kinda get it! Geography not my strong point.

Yes Annie you must tweet like a noisy bird and get a home visit. Sad to say we have to make a big old fuss to get anything.

I'm not saying the GP will have a magic wand but he/she may be able to point you in the direction of supportive things you hadn't considered or don't know about.

We haven’t a motor way in Mid Wales, a lot of mountain roads,!

She has had too much loss, her brother has decided to buy a property in Cardiff next year, her sister has the daft idea of moving to Cornwall. ,they have always been very close.

I can understand that they all need space, to be away in completely different surroundings, to help them to heal. They’ll be fine. But it doesn’t help you, especially in the short term. Have you contacted MIND?

Nfk, i am really worried about her .

I am in contact with MIND, they took on our drop in centre when we had to close it.

Perhaps they may come up with ideas to help your agrophobia and help you help your granddaughter. Can someone come to the house to help and advise you? Term finishes soon for your granddaughter and she can most likely study at home so won’t be facing the journey every day. Then she’ll have the summer to be with her boyfriend in a completely different place and get her head straight and heal. She’ll be ok. Your priority is to get yourself fit and well again. Can you persuade her to ring you say three evenings a week to reassure her you’re ok (really the other way around!) and chat about her course, the state of the world and inconsequential stuff?

I have explained what is available Nfk, nothing, the mental health dept is split in two, over 65’s have to go ten miles from town . I did check with MIND, there are no support groups. No way would I suggest my granddaughter go to MIND, she Is not mentally ill, she is an 18 year old who has fallen madly in love with a 21 year old and he with her, I am sure if she had to choose she would choose being with him and give up university, she hasn’t told her father she has to start her course from scratch next September. I am really worried about her . The boyfriend has been with her through the death of her paternal grandfather and her mother. She refuses to listen to me, her sister or my younger daughter, I feel guilt not telling my son in law but I cannot break my promise to keep their secrets. No way would she talk to strangers .

Annie, just catching up with this. Does your granddaughter go into university every day? Many students on Art or Drama type degrees do but those doing eg English, History or Science degrees don't need to be in daily. Having said that, I can see why you're so worried about her. Look after yourself x

She has three mornings of 9.00am lectures, her father thinks as she is starting her second year next September she will have fewer, he has told her when she starts back for her second year she has to stay at the family home when she has lectures .she has just told me she doesn’t want to disappoint him, seems it’s the third child problem, she wants to do as well as her siblings, her father would understand

Annie just a thought but would it be possible for her to transfer her course to a uni nearer to her new home? I can understand your worrying about her - she has been through such an emotional upheaval in the last few months and now starting out on a different path which is another pressure you're bound to be concerned. As they're on summer break now I think and she won't start back until Sept maybe she could apply to change. I know my own granddaughter was having to travel the 25 miles back and forth to her uni when she and her boyfriend moved back to her family town for the new job he has which was bad enough. It probably depends on the course your GD is doing but might be worth mentioning.

Willow, I suggested she changed to a university only 38 miles from where she will move to, same course. No, must be Cardiff - as her siblings did !

Universities, I think have wised up to wellbeing and MH issues. Annie, you feel she wouldnt talk to strangers......I wonder if she could?

I know you are heartily sick of me banging on but I feel you are so burdened and low. Please, please see a GP. I hear you loud and clear about the difficulties in accessing support but please consider the alternatives? You cant shoulder this alone.

But she hasn’t got mental health issues Oldbatty. Thank you for your concern x

ah OK.......I see....but struggling with course, feeling vulnerable and putting pressure on herself ,of course are not indicators of a person with MH issues. They may however be indicators of a person needing a listening ear?

Both she and her sister refused to talk to the high school councillor when their mother became ill,both really dislike discussing things apart from with each other, me and my younger daughter , they try to protect their father because they think he has been through so much worry over my daughter , I have explained he doesn’t need this.

Sorry Annie, I wasn’t suggesting your granddaughter contacts MIND, I just hoped they might be able to help you manage your agrophobia so your can better help her. Nothing deep. I suppose I find it hard to believe the lack of proper care, understanding and support in your area.

(Is your granddaughter a chip off the old block? Quite strong minded, pushing herself too far trying to help others? What would you do if you were her?)

Me at 19? listen to my parents then do exactly what I wanted to do. I have said to my younger daughter- my grandson is so like his father, elder granddaughter is so like her mother, no idea who the little one is like !

There comes a time to step back and accept they will make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. I think that time has come with my grandchildren.

Annie, nothing like your circumstances but we had to do that with my son, who lost his way at University.

It was tough because he was making some very poor choices. I backed off and he sorted himself out.