Sorry but I am so sad

Oldbatty, I need to do the same, thank you x

Boundaries Annie -thinking of you++

Hi Annie
Do your grandchildren use FaceTime ? Can they show you how to use it also ;0) ...
I know this has helped many of the ladies I know who are now grandmothers ......also ...can you keep your lawless occupied in between with hobbies or even voluntary work .. something for your enjoyment also ?
Good luck ?

Sorry not lawless ... I mean “yourself occupied”. Lol typo

We use FaceTime a lot, I have had guided tour of the house in this town elder granddaughter is renting and also viewed the apartment with younger granddaughter when she was viewing with the estate agent , they FaceTime from their bedrooms when at home, even when they were in halls of residence . Never know when they are going to pop up ?

I was puzzled by lawless ?, I have retired from voluntary work, did it for many years . I need to find new hobbies, wretched arthritis has stopped my favourite pastimes.

Keep a little 'grief box' in your head. Allow yourself to open it for maybe ten or fifteen minutes every day and during that time feel free to acknowledge and experience whatever feelings that come up for you. When the time is up mentally put the lid back onto the box and agree with yourself that you will not open it until the same time the next day. This technique allows you to experience your sadness but it also give you permission to 'let it go' for the next almost twenty-four hours. This frees you up to explore new interests and to find out who you really are in this new phase in your life and it means that you refuse to be defined by your 'loss'.

Anniebach

You might see if maybe a recreation therapist or occupational therapist could suggest something for you. A rec therapist specializes in helping people make the most of their leisure, and an occupational therapist might be able to suggest something that would allow you to knit in spite of your arthritis. Your GP might be able to make a referral for you.

I would view it from the positive- you have been extremely lucky to have them close for so long- very few do in those days where people move about.

kwest , I like the idea of the box in your head. I need one for " my parents are in denial about extreme old age and my sibling doesnt return my calls"
It is engulfing me.

oldbatty, it does work I promise you, sometimes a whole series of boxes are appropriate with each one containing an 'issue'. Again only open a box if you want to, you can leave it if you 'don't want to go there' on that particular day. It reduces issues down to manageable proportions. You start to take back your 'power' or 'emotional energy' when you do this . It is a simple exercise but incredibly empowering. Looking after your own emotional health and well-being gives you the clarity you need to then assess and prioritise the other issues in your life. I hope this helps. xx

Can emotions be placed in a box ? I think not.

I find I can put problems under a cushion and sit on it! Works for me. It’s a case of finding some way of controlling them instead of them controlling you. (But I don’t think this would work with that bloody bridge! )

True Nfk ?, I am ok x

It's difficult not have family near. My first granddaughter is in San Francisco - 4 hours to airport, 2 hour wait in airport and 11 hours flight plus another hour at the other end (18 hours!) and when I get there I have to stack in all the kisses, cuddles and love not knowing when I will see her again. My other daughter is in London - 4 hours away (on a good day!). Let's hope that your grandchildren will visit you frequently (and you them)

Kwest and others who may not be familiar with the situation.

Seems even though my husband who has been dead over forty years must not be thought about untill I open this mystical box, well I do think of him if a magpie suddenly appears , they do not fly into view only when I choose. I watch tv and a bridge may come on screen, my thoughts turn to my beloved daughter who died last November . I wasn’t going to say anymore on this thread after what I have said here was mocked on a different thread, but ny grief which is still raw is far more than an issue. The gardeners not turning up last week is an issue. My adored daughter ending her life is far more than an issue .

Newatthis, I feel rather ashamed to feel lonely because my elder granddaughter is moving from Wales to Cornwall when your granddaughter lives in another country .

My granddaughters will keep in regular contact with meh

Maw x

I think people should be very careful about DIY amateur “counselling”, however kind the intention, especially in cases of loss or bereavement.
Sitting on a cushion or shutting him away in a box in my head is nothing whatsoever to do with the process of grieving after losing my DH six months ago.
If anybody was listening to WH this morning and heard the mother who was talking about her son Martin who was killed in the Manchester arena bombing a year ago, that is grieving, that is coping with bereavement. There will be many here who will recognise what I am talking about.

Annie you are still grieving,

I loved what you said about a magpie and you husband.
One day you will be able to think of your darling daughter in a similar way,
but not yet.

You are getting through life as best you can.
Unfortunately it would seem you are having to climb a different mountain on almost daily basis.

Annie I am always amazed at your courage and your sense of humour.

I am pleased to read you are able to FaceTime your DGDs (I have yet to learn!)

I hope and pray that if nothing else you will get some peace in your life.

Hugs xxx

Hello Annie, I’m away with intermittent WiFi. I haven’t seen the thread where you were mocked because of your comments on this one. I’m shocked.
MawBroon, meant thanks for your post. You do understand bereavement, long term stress and worry, albeit cushioned by love. Bereavement compounded by other very difficult life experiences don’t have simple solutions.
I have RA , osteo arthritis, osteo pina and other health challenges. Currently, thanks to fantastic disease modifiers, I can knit again. That could stop in a heartbeat. I can’t tell you how much well meaning advice was doled out to me, on the let’s get you knitting (cookie ng, sewing, gardening etc etc) front. It was medication, pure simple medication, not will power or an aid that enabled me to have my life back.
Sending positive thoughts thoughts Annie x

Cherry, my husband ‘unlike me’ was an intelligent , sensible man, qualified to rank of .inspector when he was 28. A magpie spotted and all hell was let lose, ‘find a second ‘, after his funeral one of the chaps from the station said to me, ‘we wonder did he see a magpie that day’. When i see a magpie now I say ‘ missed that one sunshine didn’t you’ ?

Thank you Iam, I haven’t been offered anything for RA and ny hands are now badly twisted, I cannot cross stitch and I miss it so much.

Watching Chelsea Flower Show, sob , I can no longer garden . But some lovely eco gardeners are making me a wildflower meadow in my garden , RA has given me that ?

Sorry you are sad and you have had a lot of bereavements and I think in a way you are thinking of your grandchildrens moving away as a bereavement of sorts. What I would say is nothing stays the same for long these days. We moved away from our family in the south east 30 years ago to Cornwall for a better life which we had. My family particularly found it hard but we try and meet up as often as we can.

We knew that when our 2 DDs grew up we may lose them as well paid jobs in Cornwall are few and far between and I would imagine Wales is the same. As both our DDs moved away to University they both lived away from Cornwall for about 5 or 6 years. Eventually when my DD2s relationship with her boyfriend finished she moved back to our town and is now married with 2 DDs of her own and my DD1 also moved closer as she got older and although she does not live in our town she only lives 2 hours away so we see her often.

Anything could happen and either of your DGD could change their minds and move back particularly if one of them has a long commute to University. At the moment she is in a relationship and that is taking priority so the best you can do is support her in that choice even if you think she is wrong. They have to make their own mistakes and she may find a way to make it work.

I would try and put a brave face on it, tell them you will miss them and hope that you will find a way to see each other often. How easy do you find travelling? Will you be able to travel and see them? I wonder if they feel moving away will make their mothers' loss more bearable?

When I said I put my problems under the cushion and sit on them I certainly wasn't referring to the loss of a loved one. That's not a problem. That's loss, grief, amputation, heartbreak. Loved ones I've lost are still with me all the time. I still talk to them. But I'm daft like that. Sometimes though I found that all the demands and problems that needed sorting out just ganged up and overwhelmed when I was mourning and at a really low ebb. They're the ones that went under the cushion to be taken out one at a time and dealt with. But you're right Maw, I've thankfully never lost a husband or a grown child, so I should butt out.