sad & lonely

thanks for all your lovely replies. I am still working as a childminder and found so many wonderful friends when I was out and about with the children before. Yesterday I went to a toddler group and apart from the lady who runs the group who I know, not one person spoke. We left after 2 hours. I tried to make conversation but came away feeling very low.

I take on board comments about people having busy lives. I have a wonderful husband and have decided to count my blessings, enjoy my time with the little ones and not let it get me down.

my best friend (2 hours away) was diagnosed with dementia 3 years ago at the age of 52, I will get down to see her more on my days off and catch up with other friends I had there.

thanks again for thoughts and suggestions, very much appreciated.

I second the suggestion re NWR. When I moved back to the UK after 18 years in Holland I was incredibly lonely. I also do not favour the church but I found a local branch of NWR. It is much less formal than WI and I now have lovely friends I made there with whom I go out for dinner, go walking etc

Ziggy62 I really do sympathise with you as we also moved, although not as far but with the same result, and 7 miles might just as well be 7 hours! We are all in very different places and circmstances and it is odd how things have changed over the years but there are many lonely people out there. I suppose we all need to experimnt to find what will work for each one of us.

When we moved we asked people to pop in for coffee but we have discovered that is not 'how it is done here'. Here you have to formally invite people for a particular day and time which adds a certain pressure to it all. We have never been ones for display or knick knacks and one neighbour told me that we are very plain!?!? I would say that we have a fancier garden if I felt like being as rude but I will resist!
Added to all that is DH being incapacitated through injury nd illness because of the wretched crash and people have recently said they didn't like to invite us as he has been so unwell that they didn't think we could manage to come. I did put that right by telling that it would be lovely to get out from our own four walls but only one invite so far last month. Anyway what has happened to visiting someone who isn't well or mobile? Obviously I need to start the ball rolling again by inviting a house full. If I could just get the energy to do it! It doesn't feel right to buy in bakery as I used to do so much of it myself but I guess I will just have to do it online and get someone in to help me 'make the occasion' . Everyone is curious to see what we have been doing in the garden so maybe in the summer we will have to have a 'tea in the garden' and bring your own chair afternoon. If we could just invite the sunshine as well it could be perfect.

Another thought - 'Yours' magazine is aimed towards older people and it has a section called 'Friends of Yours' which has ads from people looking for friendship (as well as from those looking for romance).

Oh goodness, how relieved I am to find that I am not alone in finding it difficult to make friends! I have loads of acquaintances, but very few close friends and felt there was something wrong with me. It doesn’t help that 1 of my close friends is the sort of person who has friends coming out of her ears and I do admit to some envy. I am a joiner and am happy to go to stuff on my own if my DH isn’t interested, but a close girlfriend is a lovely thing!

Ziggy62 I wonder if you live in the same town asc me, i have lived here for 34 years.nd still have no close friends
When i moved here my childre had finished almost with school, and so not meeting people on school runs etc,
I had lots of advice of places to go on nights out etc, but not one person said come out with us,
This place is very cliquish anyway, as in if you were not born here you have no right to be here kind of thing,
As i have no partner i dont really go out much anyway
I do sympathise with you,
I have most of my family [children] here so always have some company at some time
Doesnt really bother me now

I moved here just over 3 years ago, my neighbours are brilliant, very friendly & we tend to chat in the garden rather than going into each other's homes.

I had 5 weeks in Hospital 6 months after I moved here & before I left Hospital a very nice lady from our Community Care Group came to see me, there is a Lunch once a month & Afternoon Tea at various venues. Many who attend these are elderly or disabled in some way, it's very friendly & transport can be provided.

I have joined 2 Meet Up groups which I'm really enjoying, made a couple of friends & met lots of new people & been to many new places, a good way to get to know a new area. My DD & DGSs live about 10 miles away. I keep meaning to join WI & other groups when I find the time

Have found the same since returning from 12 years abroad. Everyone "too busy to see the friends I have already" but voluntary work and U3A reading group mean I've met people but not yet anyone I could for example drop in on or leave a key with. Live in impersonal but not unfriendly flats.

Suggest it's not you but being a newcomer and people who haven't move much don't imagine what it might be like

Good Luck

Ziggy in much the same situation as you but have lived here for 20 years and joined in everything going. But we’re Istart my my cycle rides from out in Wales I have got to know most people and been invited to a party and also for coffee and cake. I just think some areas are more friendly than others and I just don’t know what the answer is to your problem.

Not all church groups are welcoming I ve found some very cliquey ones and not all towns have Meet up although they can both be a good idea to dip your toe in the water Voluntary work especially if it’s a charity you believe in could help you meet like minded people good luck

Some great suggestions here and I would certainly endorse the volunteering option especially if it’s one that involves lots of people like an advice agency or a charity shop. Friends often recommend courses at university of 3rd Age (U3A) it has a great selection of courses which if I were part time/ flexi work or retired I would jump at.
Lots of people make friends via local Facebook groups as these often organise meet ups and events. I belong to several but can’t get to many due to work commitments.
Regarding the child minding and toddler groups I would say that some groups are more welcoming than others and often a new comer is ignored? Also to be honest it’s an age thing, I used to take my DGS to nursery and school and the mums at the school gate were all lovely and talked about possible meet ups but lost interest as soon as they learned I was not an older mum but grandma??‍♀️
It does get harder to make proper friends as you get older, so many people seem set in their own little groups, but just keep trying. As you say the just drop by invite doesn’t work here, when I was a young mum and living in a new town it did but I think things have changed and everyone is so busy that they just don’t want to impose by turning up uninvited even if the inviter really did mean the anytime addendum ?
Best of luck ?

Try volunteering one (or more) days a week at your nearest National Trust property. Lively like-minded people plus Christmas parties and regular socials, and if you don't like it try another day (different set of people) or leave. I enjoy my day a week, you are really valued, and you are chatting to people all day long.

I think you have to be reasonably confident and out going to try things like Meetup. Putting yourself out there isnt easy for sure.