sad & lonely

I guess you just have to keep on keeping on with the groups. Have you invited anyone to your home or to meet for coffee outwith the groups?

I now what you mean Ziggy I was here for about 2 years before I made any contacts and I would say after 8 years I still don't have many close friends although one of those I met through Gransnet so definitely keep going on here and think about coming to one of the local meet ups. Keep trying new things and you will eventually find some like minded people if not perhaps close friends. Good Luck.

Real friendships do not develop over night and perhaps you are trying too hard?
Sounds silly perhaps, but things like this simply happen and develop when oft lease expected, and in the strangest of circumstances.There is certainly no hard and fast rule.

However I think you need putting out some feelers,find some clubs or organisations you find something in common with,reach out and invite people in for just a simple "getting to know you session,a tea or coffee meet"......some point you will find that one that "clicks"....and once the ball starts rolling, believe me it can run away fast and furiously, with you being the centre of the attention!
But first things first.
Get out into these areas where these people meet and hopefully, there will be other interesting groups besides the religious ones you have no desire to meet.
Being morose and down hearted will send off the wrong vibes.

Come on,put on your glad rags and get yourself back out there,keep plugging at it,but don`t make this fact "the be all and end all" of your life...............just let things happen, nice and naturally.
Show them you are worth knowing by being friendly,attentive to whatever is being said,be interesting yourself, and make yourself available for all and any meets.
Good Luck!!

Don't completely write off the church groups, Ziggy. They probably have lots of activities - from women's groups to flowercraft courses, musical groups and regular walks. These are not restricted to regular and/or enthusiastic church-goers, and their ethos is to welcome everybody who joins. I have always found pleasant people in church organisations and if you meet the same people week after week as you walk with them and get coffee at a watering hole you may find them gradually turinng into friends.

The committees are always in need of volunteers - step forward if you are interested, or keep very quiet at the back of the room if you are not!

It does take time - we have been in our new place nearly 2 years and I would not say I know many new people - certainly not whom I would call friends. But I still have lots of contacts with old friends as we did not move very far.

I think you have to bide your time - that is one of the problems with moving when you are not in the first flush of youth - time is a commodity in short supply!

Please don't let it get you down - just stick at it and friendships will develop over time.

I think the nature of socialising has changed in the past couple of decades. I've lived in my area on and off for about 20 years. When I first lived here I would invite people and be invited for coffee to peoples houses.

Today, it's much more likely to be an invitation to meet up at a coffee shop or similar and people don't just drop in any more.

Keep plugging away, Ziggy, there will be someone out there, I'm sure.

3 years is a good length of time to meet new people, but friends are more difficult to make. You are doing all the right things so keep on and be open to new ideas. I did read somewhere that you can only count real friends on one hand, as opposed to people you know so perhaps don't expect too much.

I was in a similar position a few years ago. I have joined groups and could easily fill my week up with activities and meetings if I chose to. I have met a few people that I would like to get to know more, but they, like me, have a lot to do and family committments. So it is a slow progress. I think it takes years to make a good friend unless you are lucky enough to click with someone straight away.

I have now decided that I will be happier if, instead of seeking friends, I do something useful, such as working as a volunteer . There is no shortage of options - old people, disabled, new mums and others, all needing some support, usually short term until they have found their feet. . If you forget about making friends and do something useful instead, the friends may happen along the way and you will immediately have a connection rather than just a superficial passtime in common. But even if that doesn’t happen, you will probably feel happier and more satisfied with life.

I think it depends where you live, also times have changed Most of my friends suggest meeting outside the home I can’t remember the last time anyone knocked at the door for a coffee on spec, but I made a new friend the other week she’s from ‘opp north’ and first thing she said was pop round for a coffee any time

I felt lonely when I moved to my DH's home area leaving my home 500 miles away.
I joined some groups and found other incomers like myself who became friends.
However I can still feel low on occasions.
I have started a couple of groups too.
I wanted to play badminton and needed at least four to hire a court so put up a notice at the library and asked for people to sign up. They did and we still play many years later.
I wish you all the best for making new friends.

Its true times have changed, years ago I seemed to be at endless coffee mornings when not working now I meet friends at the tea shops that seem to be everywhere. Even staying in the same area doesn't always ensure lots of friends as people move on to be near family or for work. You are doing all the right things not sure what the answer is in this fast, busy world we now live in.

I agree that friendship now is a quite different thing to how it was years ago. Socialising used to be home based and so was more intimate in a way. Now, it’s all about meeting up somewhere for coffee, or having meals out. It’s lovely but I don’t think you really get to know someone in a close way. And I also agree that it takes time....years...to really get to know someone. It helps if you choose activities that you’re deeply interested in, I think, because you’ve got that common bond right from the start. Keep going!

I sympathise. I’ve lived in my town nearly 20 years. Admittedly I worked and commuted up until 3 years ago so was busy with work. But since retiring I too have made the effort to join groups and classes. I’ve even become a school governor. But I’ve not managed to make any close friendships. I’ve been out for meals etc with one lady but in the 2 years we’ve known each other she’s never been to my house and I’ve never been to hers. It doesn’t seem to be that kind of relationship. To be honest I do think a lot of it is down to where you live. A lady moved in next door and invited us for drinks over Christmas. She couldn’t get over how, given that most of us have lived in the same street for as long as I have, that we didn’t mingle more. The biggest problem I find with group things they are mainly all women. Don’t get me wrong I’m fine with female company but I worked for forty years alongside men as well as women so I find it very odd now that if I go anywhere now I’m retired there are no men! No I’m not some kind of sexual predator! But having worked in technology for many years I enjoyed the banter and the different conversations about sport, bands etc. I do miss that a lot. Hey ho. Just got to keep plugging away I guess and just try out and join different things until you find a group of people you can relate to. Best of luck !

I would agree with what other people have said about church groups as you are sure to meet nice, welcoming people there. When my friend got divorced and moved to a different area, she didn't know what to do to meet people. She was very lonely and didn't know what to do, I suggested church to her and she met loads of people and said to me later that she was so glad I had suggested it as it turned her life around! You could also try the WI or townswomen's Guild. When I first moved to Oxford I knew absolutely nobody and it took me about 6 months before I had anything like a social life, and I wasn't married then. Can't your husband and his family take you under their wing and introduce you to some people/groups?

I know how you feel Ziggy62 as I miss friendships too. I moved from North to South nearly 11 years ago and even though I have joined various groups over the years I don’t have any close friends.
I moved to buy a guest house so a lot of my time is taken up with that and we do get some nice guests, but obviously they just come and go.
I have acquaintances but not what I would call deep friendships. As I live and work with my DH he is my best friend but it is not the same as female company.

I agree with the comments about church. I'm an atheist but, if I was new to an area, the first place I would look for activity groups is the local church and community centre. At my daughter's church the vicar runs a discussion group which welcomes non believers' points of view. Most of my social activities revolve around my pub/charity quiz team and seeing family and I used to be heavily involved in local politics too.

Ziggy62

The WI is full of interesting people of ALL ages, young mums to 90yr olds with many different interests. I'm a member and have made lots of friends that way and been introduced and invited to other clubs and activities some of them belong to. There are trips and talks and summer parties in the gardens of members, to which we all contribute.
There are also MeetUp groups which have every activity known to humankind and then some.
Look online for Meetup and Google your nearest WI. They will welcome you with open arms and you can 'try it out' for 2 or 3 meetings before deciding whether or not to join.
Good luck.

I would recommend doing voluntary work. It provides a routine to your week, you meet new people, both the other volunteers and those you are helping, obviously depending on the context. You learn new skills or put existing skills to good use.
Or join a choir/ netball team/ dance group , whatever you are interested in. Get involved in running the group.
I have made lots of new friends, through, choir, church and volunteering. They may not be ones who pop round for coffee, but they are a valuable part of my life, and amongst them are those I could turn to if I needed help.

I'd echo Elegran - don't write off the church groups. They are not all bible study or prayer groups ( though there are those for people who want them). Churches offer lots of other things such as coffee mornings, luncheon groups, fellowship groups where a different speaker is invited each month ( similar to WI groups), local history groups to name a few. Everyone is welcome and you don't have to attend church to join in these groups.

There’s an organisation called MeetUp where you meet for various activities. Walking, quiz nights etc. Maybe that would help? Good luck. I’m going to join myself!

Perhaps more time needed and a gi-normous amount of patience. I moved to small village and started a little bit of local vol. work 5 years ago. Met a few people, all vey pleasant but it's only now that I've finally started being invited to coffee etc. Thought it would never happen.

How about joining your local U3A? it is a really good way to meet people - it is the University of the Third Age. Not really a universtity and no qualifications needed or given, but great to meet people and learn something in a relaxed setting. I started one where I live when I was on my own, and have made good friends through it - but there is almost certain to be one near you already. Good luck!
www.u3a.org.uk

There's a good chance that there will be a U3A branch close to you. I've found friends through our Creative Writing group but there's a multitude of other interest groups. There are book groups everywhere - ask your local library if you still have one! Oh and see if there's a Gransnet group meeting up in your area. You'd find friends there!

I just thought I'd put in a plug for the National Women's Register (set up long ago as the National Housewives' Register!)

I'm nowhere near a branch of this, but I have a friend who is a member and very much enjoys the meet-ups and discussions they have.

www.nwr.org.uk