sad & lonely

I think you have to be reasonably confident and out going to try things like Meetup. Putting yourself out there isnt easy for sure.

Try volunteering one (or more) days a week at your nearest National Trust property. Lively like-minded people plus Christmas parties and regular socials, and if you don't like it try another day (different set of people) or leave. I enjoy my day a week, you are really valued, and you are chatting to people all day long.

Some great suggestions here and I would certainly endorse the volunteering option especially if it’s one that involves lots of people like an advice agency or a charity shop. Friends often recommend courses at university of 3rd Age (U3A) it has a great selection of courses which if I were part time/ flexi work or retired I would jump at.
Lots of people make friends via local Facebook groups as these often organise meet ups and events. I belong to several but can’t get to many due to work commitments.
Regarding the child minding and toddler groups I would say that some groups are more welcoming than others and often a new comer is ignored? Also to be honest it’s an age thing, I used to take my DGS to nursery and school and the mums at the school gate were all lovely and talked about possible meet ups but lost interest as soon as they learned I was not an older mum but grandma??‍♀️
It does get harder to make proper friends as you get older, so many people seem set in their own little groups, but just keep trying. As you say the just drop by invite doesn’t work here, when I was a young mum and living in a new town it did but I think things have changed and everyone is so busy that they just don’t want to impose by turning up uninvited even if the inviter really did mean the anytime addendum ?
Best of luck ?

Not all church groups are welcoming I ve found some very cliquey ones and not all towns have Meet up although they can both be a good idea to dip your toe in the water Voluntary work especially if it’s a charity you believe in could help you meet like minded people good luck

Ziggy in much the same situation as you but have lived here for 20 years and joined in everything going. But we’re Istart my my cycle rides from out in Wales I have got to know most people and been invited to a party and also for coffee and cake. I just think some areas are more friendly than others and I just don’t know what the answer is to your problem.

Have found the same since returning from 12 years abroad. Everyone "too busy to see the friends I have already" but voluntary work and U3A reading group mean I've met people but not yet anyone I could for example drop in on or leave a key with. Live in impersonal but not unfriendly flats.

Suggest it's not you but being a newcomer and people who haven't move much don't imagine what it might be like

Good Luck

I moved here just over 3 years ago, my neighbours are brilliant, very friendly & we tend to chat in the garden rather than going into each other's homes.

I had 5 weeks in Hospital 6 months after I moved here & before I left Hospital a very nice lady from our Community Care Group came to see me, there is a Lunch once a month & Afternoon Tea at various venues. Many who attend these are elderly or disabled in some way, it's very friendly & transport can be provided.

I have joined 2 Meet Up groups which I'm really enjoying, made a couple of friends & met lots of new people & been to many new places, a good way to get to know a new area. My DD & DGSs live about 10 miles away. I keep meaning to join WI & other groups when I find the time

Ziggy62 I wonder if you live in the same town asc me, i have lived here for 34 years.nd still have no close friends
When i moved here my childre had finished almost with school, and so not meeting people on school runs etc,
I had lots of advice of places to go on nights out etc, but not one person said come out with us,
This place is very cliquish anyway, as in if you were not born here you have no right to be here kind of thing,
As i have no partner i dont really go out much anyway
I do sympathise with you,
I have most of my family [children] here so always have some company at some time
Doesnt really bother me now

Oh goodness, how relieved I am to find that I am not alone in finding it difficult to make friends! I have loads of acquaintances, but very few close friends and felt there was something wrong with me. It doesn’t help that 1 of my close friends is the sort of person who has friends coming out of her ears and I do admit to some envy. I am a joiner and am happy to go to stuff on my own if my DH isn’t interested, but a close girlfriend is a lovely thing!

Another thought - 'Yours' magazine is aimed towards older people and it has a section called 'Friends of Yours' which has ads from people looking for friendship (as well as from those looking for romance).

Ziggy62 I really do sympathise with you as we also moved, although not as far but with the same result, and 7 miles might just as well be 7 hours! We are all in very different places and circmstances and it is odd how things have changed over the years but there are many lonely people out there. I suppose we all need to experimnt to find what will work for each one of us.

When we moved we asked people to pop in for coffee but we have discovered that is not 'how it is done here'. Here you have to formally invite people for a particular day and time which adds a certain pressure to it all. We have never been ones for display or knick knacks and one neighbour told me that we are very plain!?!? I would say that we have a fancier garden if I felt like being as rude but I will resist!
Added to all that is DH being incapacitated through injury nd illness because of the wretched crash and people have recently said they didn't like to invite us as he has been so unwell that they didn't think we could manage to come. I did put that right by telling that it would be lovely to get out from our own four walls but only one invite so far last month. Anyway what has happened to visiting someone who isn't well or mobile? Obviously I need to start the ball rolling again by inviting a house full. If I could just get the energy to do it! It doesn't feel right to buy in bakery as I used to do so much of it myself but I guess I will just have to do it online and get someone in to help me 'make the occasion' . Everyone is curious to see what we have been doing in the garden so maybe in the summer we will have to have a 'tea in the garden' and bring your own chair afternoon. If we could just invite the sunshine as well it could be perfect.

I second the suggestion re NWR. When I moved back to the UK after 18 years in Holland I was incredibly lonely. I also do not favour the church but I found a local branch of NWR. It is much less formal than WI and I now have lovely friends I made there with whom I go out for dinner, go walking etc

thanks for all your lovely replies. I am still working as a childminder and found so many wonderful friends when I was out and about with the children before. Yesterday I went to a toddler group and apart from the lady who runs the group who I know, not one person spoke. We left after 2 hours. I tried to make conversation but came away feeling very low.

I take on board comments about people having busy lives. I have a wonderful husband and have decided to count my blessings, enjoy my time with the little ones and not let it get me down.

my best friend (2 hours away) was diagnosed with dementia 3 years ago at the age of 52, I will get down to see her more on my days off and catch up with other friends I had there.

thanks again for thoughts and suggestions, very much appreciated.

I just thought I'd put in a plug for the National Women's Register (set up long ago as the National Housewives' Register!)

I'm nowhere near a branch of this, but I have a friend who is a member and very much enjoys the meet-ups and discussions they have.

www.nwr.org.uk

There's a good chance that there will be a U3A branch close to you. I've found friends through our Creative Writing group but there's a multitude of other interest groups. There are book groups everywhere - ask your local library if you still have one! Oh and see if there's a Gransnet group meeting up in your area. You'd find friends there!

How about joining your local U3A? it is a really good way to meet people - it is the University of the Third Age. Not really a universtity and no qualifications needed or given, but great to meet people and learn something in a relaxed setting. I started one where I live when I was on my own, and have made good friends through it - but there is almost certain to be one near you already. Good luck!
www.u3a.org.uk

Perhaps more time needed and a gi-normous amount of patience. I moved to small village and started a little bit of local vol. work 5 years ago. Met a few people, all vey pleasant but it's only now that I've finally started being invited to coffee etc. Thought it would never happen.

There’s an organisation called MeetUp where you meet for various activities. Walking, quiz nights etc. Maybe that would help? Good luck. I’m going to join myself!

I'd echo Elegran - don't write off the church groups. They are not all bible study or prayer groups ( though there are those for people who want them). Churches offer lots of other things such as coffee mornings, luncheon groups, fellowship groups where a different speaker is invited each month ( similar to WI groups), local history groups to name a few. Everyone is welcome and you don't have to attend church to join in these groups.

I would recommend doing voluntary work. It provides a routine to your week, you meet new people, both the other volunteers and those you are helping, obviously depending on the context. You learn new skills or put existing skills to good use.
Or join a choir/ netball team/ dance group , whatever you are interested in. Get involved in running the group.
I have made lots of new friends, through, choir, church and volunteering. They may not be ones who pop round for coffee, but they are a valuable part of my life, and amongst them are those I could turn to if I needed help.

Ziggy62

The WI is full of interesting people of ALL ages, young mums to 90yr olds with many different interests. I'm a member and have made lots of friends that way and been introduced and invited to other clubs and activities some of them belong to. There are trips and talks and summer parties in the gardens of members, to which we all contribute.
There are also MeetUp groups which have every activity known to humankind and then some.
Look online for Meetup and Google your nearest WI. They will welcome you with open arms and you can 'try it out' for 2 or 3 meetings before deciding whether or not to join.
Good luck.

I agree with the comments about church. I'm an atheist but, if I was new to an area, the first place I would look for activity groups is the local church and community centre. At my daughter's church the vicar runs a discussion group which welcomes non believers' points of view. Most of my social activities revolve around my pub/charity quiz team and seeing family and I used to be heavily involved in local politics too.

I know how you feel Ziggy62 as I miss friendships too. I moved from North to South nearly 11 years ago and even though I have joined various groups over the years I don’t have any close friends.
I moved to buy a guest house so a lot of my time is taken up with that and we do get some nice guests, but obviously they just come and go.
I have acquaintances but not what I would call deep friendships. As I live and work with my DH he is my best friend but it is not the same as female company.

I would agree with what other people have said about church groups as you are sure to meet nice, welcoming people there. When my friend got divorced and moved to a different area, she didn't know what to do to meet people. She was very lonely and didn't know what to do, I suggested church to her and she met loads of people and said to me later that she was so glad I had suggested it as it turned her life around! You could also try the WI or townswomen's Guild. When I first moved to Oxford I knew absolutely nobody and it took me about 6 months before I had anything like a social life, and I wasn't married then. Can't your husband and his family take you under their wing and introduce you to some people/groups?

I sympathise. I’ve lived in my town nearly 20 years. Admittedly I worked and commuted up until 3 years ago so was busy with work. But since retiring I too have made the effort to join groups and classes. I’ve even become a school governor. But I’ve not managed to make any close friendships. I’ve been out for meals etc with one lady but in the 2 years we’ve known each other she’s never been to my house and I’ve never been to hers. It doesn’t seem to be that kind of relationship. To be honest I do think a lot of it is down to where you live. A lady moved in next door and invited us for drinks over Christmas. She couldn’t get over how, given that most of us have lived in the same street for as long as I have, that we didn’t mingle more. The biggest problem I find with group things they are mainly all women. Don’t get me wrong I’m fine with female company but I worked for forty years alongside men as well as women so I find it very odd now that if I go anywhere now I’m retired there are no men! No I’m not some kind of sexual predator! But having worked in technology for many years I enjoyed the banter and the different conversations about sport, bands etc. I do miss that a lot. Hey ho. Just got to keep plugging away I guess and just try out and join different things until you find a group of people you can relate to. Best of luck !