Welcome to the new Argy Bar and cafe, abandon hope all ye who enter here.?

All Hans on deck cap’n Lemongrove! We have scrubbed and cleaned and unblocked the bog, so all is shipshape. We found a horrible pair of shoes floating in the kitchen so we binned them. OK? ?

Help!!! I have lost my shoes, has anyone seen them? I put them in the dishwasher in the Argy kitchen (or was it Soop's nice kitchen) to try and clean them and now they have gone. .
Who would want to steal them? They have seen better days, since the Fabreze fiasco. They are white with a pattern of brown splodges. Hans up, who took them? CALL THE CONSTABULARY, PRONTO! I hope they send a nice young man is a uniform, complete with his hanscuffs.

shoes thrown out with the rubbish. That'll teach marydoll to leave plaster of Paris lying around

Shoes marydoll? Why don't you try this lovely pair of ?red stilettos. Just your size. I bought them just for you ? and have filled them with quick drying cement. That'll keep her grounded for a bit ?

Glad to see that some of you got cracking and cleaned up!
You will be pleased to see I have been cooking up a storm today, there is a vat of Irish stew bubbling away in the kitchen, baked potaties in the oven and a huge apple crumble for afters.All meals £5 special offer tonight, so sell as many as you can, all monies to be put straight in the till
And I shall be watching.
The guest beer tonight is Goblin’s Beard, a rich dark brew with an added something ( don’t ask.)
Hans off any food/ drink unless you are a paying customer.

If Fabreze and Izal turn up, lock them in the cellar.

Oh Doodle, you're a woman after my own heart! Quick drying cement! Now why didn't I think of that? What an inspired choice!

I think Doodle may have Mafia connections.?

Ah febreze and Izal, I haven't seen them for ages, thought they had abandoned us. Thanks for cooking Lemon, that actually looks quite good, there might be a hair or two in it now as I dropped my ginger wig in it

Doodle is a lightweight compared to my family. Be aware, be very aware.?⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

I have made pizza, using an old Scilian family recipe?

Sorry but I do not like pizza- I am going down the road for fish and chips. I am just going to borrow a tenner from the till.
How are we going to get the dishwasher cleaned/ Luckily it was not soop's or she would not have been very pleased. She is very clean and would not tolerate that liquid brown stuff in her kitchen.

We seem to be ankle deep in the liquid brown stuff. ?

Hello, excuse me for barging in, never been here before, but...
You may or may not have seen my thread about my missing rotary cutter.

It's been pointed out to me that it looks rather like a pizza cutter. And the same little bird who pointed that out told me that you lot are having pizza here tonight.
So can I ask ever so politely (oh all right, ever so rudely then, as this is, after all, the Argy Bargy Cafe) - have you got my rotary cutter? If so I want it back. Without any dried on pizza sauce stuck to it, if you wouldn't mind

Now, which snitch told you it might be her.??
Feel free to have a good rummage.
However, it may be advisable to wear heavy duty rubber gloves and protective clothing, you never know what you will find.?

PS, hope you find it.

Rotary cutter? Hmmm, let me see..... Doodle was undoing the bondage ties on Febrese earlier this evening so she might have had them.
And JaneD was cutting all the industrial size boxes of Dettol open so that she could clean the loos, so she might have had them.
Lemon was cutting menopaw's hair earlier today so she might have had them?
And Marydoll took delivery of yet more boxes of plaster of Paris God knows what for so she might have had them.

Other then that, I haven't a clue.

Well looks like we have a list of suspects then. Thank you! Off to bed now, but will continue my investigations in the morning gives you all a chance to think up a good alibi

lemon, those tweezers things that you were trimming your nasal hair with.... they were Bathsheba's rotary cutters! Quick! Get them back to her before she notices!

Do your ear hairs first Lemon , didn't like to mention them but since chewy has bought your hairy nose to everyone's attention I may as well say it, actually give me a quick go on my legs, Izal said they were a bit rough

I've completed my investigations and you'll be pleased to hear that YOU'RE ALL OFF THE HOOK!!! The rotary cutter has been located, hiding in a bag of stuff destined for the charity shop.
(BTW lemon your nose is looking so much better now - did your coffee smell better this morning? )

Yes, it did thanks Bath I have been plaiting my nasal hair up to now and tying a small ribbon on it, but I feel ever so free-er now and can sniff the Argy kitchen from a hundred paces! Also can hear better, so am listening for excuses being muttered about who’s turn it is to clean the loos, or go out with the Captain or spend an hour in the cellar with Big Jim
Helping him tap his pipes.?

Meno do get rid of that old ginger wig that Ana once gave you, we have so much trouble with it, if it sits on the bar customers keep trying to feed it crisps, and it has blocked the loo more than once, so many hairs have come off it in the soup etc.
If we make lotsa money in our new gaff, you can have a brand new one, no expense spared (up to a tenner.)

I did the loos last time so someone else’s turn today. Here is a steak pie - not saying what kind of steak mind ...

Sicilian pizza ?marydoll how lovely I'm not as daft as I look. Unfortunately, now that I have no teeth thanks to you ? I won't be able to enjoy your delicious home made recipe.
Your steak pie sounds nice Janed I might try some (you did wash your hands after cleaning the loos before you made it I hope ?) Perhaps I'll have lemon's Irish stew instead. I wonder what meat she used

I've made a delicious custard to go with lemon's apple crumble. Two full jugs. Why don't you try some of the one on the left marydoll. I'm sure you will enjoy it, don't worry about the black bits floating in it. Just some extra vanilla essence ? ?????

Be careful of the Irish Stew Doodle. Remember I mentioned lemon's dog, Jason the Alsation? Well.... let's just say that we've not seen him in the Argy lately. Not heard him barking all night either. In fact, that dog has been conspicuous by its absence. Hmmmm?

? chewy surely not. Not even lemon could do that, could she ? . Mind you, there does seem to be a bit of furry stuff floating on the top! Also jane's steak pie seems to be a bit suspicious. I found a huge bone in it earlier ?
Perhaps I'll just have a packet of pork scratchings. Can't be anything wrong with that...can there