Welcome to the new Argy Bar and cafe, abandon hope all ye who enter here.?

Relax! Jason is fine, I rehomed him with the Admiral a few weeks ago, he wasn’t getting enough excercise here and the Admiral takes him everywhere ( every pub in town in fact) so he will be a happy doggie.
The meat I used in the stew is.......well, Irish obviously, do you need to know more?
Not sure about Jane’s steak pie though, the zoo is missing a croc, there are notices all over town to be on the look out, and she did come in here last week with a very nice handbag........?

Nobiody has touched the chicken curry I made- I am aware there has been no space in the fride which is not switched I discovered, Are you trying to save electricity or is it broken|/ My curry has only been sitting on a work top surface in my kitchen for a week- it should be fine.

I think once this bout of salmonella is over I may take over the cleaning of the loo. I am very good at it and meticulous. I do not normally clean, paying somebody to do it but I do like a clean, fresh smelling loo.

Hopefully the men are still watering the bush outside- it has not died so something good is happening there. It cuts down queuing time and accidents.

You want me to get rid of my wig? How dare you Lemon, that's a part of me. If I must I want it framed and behind the bar as a memento please

Oops I thought I had removed the bones.

I'll have some steak pie please but make it snappy.....

Paws off my crocodile skin bag Lemon! Croc tastes like fishy chicken - thought it might god down well here!

Everything goes down well here, but soon comes back up!

Yes, Jane*, there is always something fishy going on.?
I popped in to look for some breakfast, but it is eerily quiet. Where is everyone??

PS, I meant to say, my legs feel like concrete. It must be those new red (as opposed to brown) shoes, I'm wearing.?

Red shoes. ..no drawers?

And she's wearing a fur coat again.....

And her signature perfume Channel ( no, not Chanel) this one is actual Channel, she goes to Dover and bottles it herself.?

She tried to sell me some of that once but I don't even think she went to the extravagance of going to sunny Dover, I found something in my bottle that suggested bath water!

Have you thought of a comedy act in the Argy?
You lot all think you are comedians!!!?

You just keep giving us so much ammo! You know we love you Mary! Anyway maybe a comedy night would be good, let's get a pro in, I think Big Jim has a brother who does stand up

You've probably met him Mary??

Oh I know him very well.
He is called, "Wee Jock", he is Irish.

I'm amazed you can stand still for such a long time marydoll that'll keep you out of mischief. I must say those red shoes really suit you, you must be very attached to them hee hee ?

Everyone's a comedian .? NOT !

Just remember " Vengeance is a dish best served cold" hee, hee, hee. ?

I'm just looking for a recipe for a very cold dish, which I will serve up in the Argy, if only I could get these blooming shoes off ?

* Marydoll* think you have mixed up two sayings there:
Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord and Revenge is a dish best served cold. Now, which did you mean? Both?

Big Jim’s brother, wee Jock doesn’t do stand up any more sadly, he needs to sit down to do it these days, but we’ll hire him anyway.?

Och aye the noo ( as they say in Glasgow) come and have a brandy Marydoll and take no notice of
all the ruderies directed your way, they are envious of your red shoes and fur coat I fear.??

La vengeance est une justice sauvage.?

That's another old Glasgow saying!

I've just seen Wee Jock trundling down the by pass on his motorised scooter. He had a rather large woman sat on the back hence they were only doing 2mph and she was bashing him on the head with her handbag, shouting "FASTER, FASTER, JOCK. DON'T DELAY. TAKE ME HOME AND RAVISH ME". He looked scared to death, to be honest. Might not be up for doing anything standing up after tonight. Just sayin'.

It wasn’t Meno was it?