Welcome to the new Argy Bar and cafe, abandon hope all ye who enter here.?

You can have an assignation with anyone and stay safely out of harms way though, as onesies are impossible to take off .
Was it you being windy or the weather?

A bit of both.?

How am I going to organise a babysitting rota for septuplets when this lot cannot look after themselves? As mentioned before I cannot find anybody sober so the SS may well take the septuplets away if we cannot get our act together.

Marydoll cannot be expected to look after 7 screaming darlings all on her own when you lot encouraged her- as if she needed any assistance.

IF Marydoll is expecting septuplets, perhaps we could train the Ferrets to look after them.
I can't be on the rota, I'm far too busy at the Sewage Works, then I have to get my gladrags on for a night at the Argy. ??????????????‍♀️??‍♂️

I was thinking... as Santa is to blame for all this, his little helps should be helping out!
Buffybee, thanks for rubbing it in about the night at the Argy. I can't imbibe and can only waddle, I'm so big. I may be mistaken for a penguin!

You can still join in Marydoll, we can buy some XXXXXLarge
Sparkly Leggings and a huge Boob tube and you'll look great.
Trev's practicing making Mock-tails and you're waddling will look good on the dance floor.

Oh I'm so excited I can't wait for the little darlings to appear. lemon you do realise that mardoll's onesie is made like babygrows with poppers underneath for access . I expect that's how Santa had his way with her (not that he'd have much choice knowing marydoll ?). Best get used to it we are going to be busy helping out. We could tie all the cradles together with string and whoever is tending the bar can pull the string and rock all the cradle at the same time as pouring the drinks.

marydoll it's not actually penguins we are expecting is it? ? ??????. Better get the freezer stocked up with ice just in case.

Doodle, anything's possible in the Argy.

Just don’t have ferrets Marydoll as we have more than enough of the blighters as it is, the cellar is over run with them.
I think I may sleep here in the bar overnight, am just too tired to go home, ah! My favourite saggy old chair in the corner, but wait, who is that saggy old person already asleep in it?

I am at my wit's end- you lot must sober up or we will not have anybody except myself in a fit state to babysit and I cannot do it all.

I'm sober charley (unfortunately ?). I've cut down as I am trying to lose weight so I can fit in my Lycra, diamond encrusted, floor length ball gown to wow all the men at the Argy Christmas party. At the moment, only my right leg can fit inside if I try and squeeze my left one in it's so tight it pushes my bum up to my shoulder blades and you can't tell which is my front and which is my back ?

Oh Doodle don't put yerself down! I am sure you'll look just gorgeous in your too-tight Lycra ball gown. The Argy regulars like a bit of flesh on show, so I'm told, so your bum resting on your shoulder blades will go down a treat. You know the male clientele aren't fussy.

I am sitting in Lemon's old chair in the corner, listening to all the gossip about our Marydoll and her expected septuplets. Well I never. it's good to know us old birds regular ladies still have pulling power although when Trev told me I looked good enough to eat the other day he did compare me to the stale cheese and onion pasties we tried to flog recently.

I have decided I shall put chicken fillets in my WonderBra this festive season, and stick bits of holly in my cleavage. If I don't attract the chaps at least I'll get a bit of a prick to keep me going. And no, I don't mean Maureeese, who continues to loiter by the bar in his wife-beater vest and skin tight jeans. He's taken to slicking back his quiff with stale chip fat. He knows few of us can resist a portion - of chips - so he's doing quite well with the ladies at the moment - those desperate tarts ones with no standards and less taste than the Argy's watered down home brew, that is.

I am pervingassessing Thor's performance behind the bar from this dark corner. Someone has to do it, to update the personnel records. I am not even being paid for this necessary administrative chore!

day6 thank you. Even if I say so myself, I look positively stunning in my new frock (well from behind anyway ?). I would use old socks rather than chicken fillets in your bra. There are so many ferrets around they would be having a right barney in your cleavage ?). Do penguins eat chicken I wonder?

Ooooo! I hadn't noticed that Thor was back Day.
I'll just check that he's shirtless, as per his contract and give him a lovely oiling. ?
Might as well have a pint of Old Cobblers Groin while I'm here.

Doodle!
Can I just say that your Rear Bosoms are magnificent!
We'll have to watch the Admiral if he gets his eyes on those!

Yes they're great aren't they. Very large and wobbly. I have to be a bit careful with this Lycra ball gown though if the Admiral or anyone else gives me a squeeze I may well shoot out of it and injure someone ?

Marydoll I think I have solved the problem of bedding for the septuplets. A double bed with side rails should give them plenty of space.

If nobody volunteers a bed I will personally take one from one of these so called ladies who spend their entire life in the cafe. They will be none the wiser. Problem sorted.

Has anyone seen the tray of mince pies I baked earlier and left on the bar?
I see Trev and Thor have their Santa hats on ( keep Marydoll away from them) and have golden and glowing bods ( well oiled by Doodle) who is herself well oiled and lying under a table.
I have dressed up tonight, tight silver dress with a leopard print coat, black leggings and silver kitten heels ( classy!)
Had my hair done by Madame Pompom down by the gas works......whaddya think? Like it?

I have renewed the lease on the bar for another year folks, as we are nearly at the end of the present one.?

Ooh lemon what's happening? Everything's gone dark and every time I sit up I bang my head on the sky and fall down again ? . Oh it's a table. What am I doing down here. Someone help me up. I need a drink ?.

Something's shining in my eyes. It's dazzling. Is it the moon, or the stars? No it's lemon in her sparkly dress being eaten by a leopard I think. I'm going back under the table for a lie down. ?

Can we afford a new lease? Being Scottish I worry about money.

No worries, I paid with my favours.....and homemade mince pies

Cheers!?