Welcome to the new Argy Bar and cafe, abandon hope all ye who enter here.?

Marydoll please don't listen to those who are telling you it is a phantom pregnancy- what do they know? I never was a knitter and now that I have a painful left hand I will not be trying but I will pop into Poundland and find something for them. Do we know the sex yet because I would not like to buy pink to discover it should have been any other colour.

I will sort out a babysitting rota.

Six!! How on earth are we going to cope with six ??????? I suppose if we all lend a hand it will be fine. Mind you six names will be a problem. So far we have Amazon and Argos. Possibles could be Yodell (oh please not. It wouldn't arrive until months after the others) UPS, or even a posh one, Royal Mail. Any ideas?

FairyDoodle ouch!
my apologies a predicament that no self respecting angel fairy should find herself!
I have tweezers in my bag we could get those needles out toot sweet.

CharlieGirlis popping to poundland maybe she wouldn't mind picking up a pair of knickers or two.?

Argie, Armani ,
Yodeldoll got quite a nice ring to it?

There's no such thing as a quick one in here Cherrytree not of the drinks type anyway
You and Charleygirl must join us in a Poteen Cocktail ????
I'm sure that Trev, our muscly, topless barman, will oblige.
Hands off, you two! He's just been oiled.........

Kind of you cherry but I'm not letting you or anyone else near my toot sweet with a pair of tweezers ?
Poundland knickers might be appreciated though. Please not thongs. I leave that sort of torture to the likes of lemon ?
Oh Buffy I told you not to keep oiling him. Apart from his ahem obvious attraction, it makes him difficult to get hold of. Oops squish, there he goes again.

Thanks for the offer but no spirits for me thanks.

I promise I will not buy anything at Poundland I would not wear myself so I will be there for a long time. I also do not like thongs so they will not be on my list. It is mainly baby clothes. Buggies will not be a problem- Freecycle or the equivalent is the place to go for those.

I do not like the idea of second-hand cots so I think we should club together for those because Poundland does not stretch that far. I am sure we will manage.

If you put your name forward for babysitting duties you must be sober- that is a rule.

No Spirits you say! Mmmmm! we'll soon cure that
Perhaps I can tempt you with a pint of Aulde Jocks strap Ale?You must have a Pickled Egg and some Scratching with it.
Just move the Ferret over and grab yourself a seat.

Buffybee I have too much to do to be sick but you would be poisoning me making me drink ale. Do you not know that I am very refained so I only drink good quality red or white wine with my Michelin standard food like Mc Donalds.

Aaah yes. Refained. I remember that. Being a regular in soop's lovely kitchen, I was very refained until the night the Argies invited the soopers over for an evening of "entertainment". Which reminds me I never did find out what happened to my pearls and twinset ?.

Mmmmm! I tried to get in that Soops place once Doodle but they wouldn't let me in with my wellies on.
Can't understand it!
I gave them a bit of a hose down before I left the Sewage Works.
Maureeeese/Maureeeen "borrowed" your twinset and pearls, we haven't seen them, or him since.
He left the Argy, arm in arm with a jolly nautical type.

buffy trust me, they'd let you in if you take cake. Pongy wellies or not!

Thanks for the tip Doodle, I'll take my speciality, Rock-Hard Rock Cakes next time!

eh no Buffybee we are refained and we have standards in soop's kitchen and rock hard rock cakes do not fit the bill. We eat a piece of cake etc using a plate and a fork but there again you do not go to Michelin style places like Burger Bar and McDonald's, how would you know?

Who needs Burger Bar and McDonald's when we have the Argy?
Haggis Pasties, Day's Special Green Soup, Sausage Rolls, Meat ferret pies, Pickled eggs and Pork Scratchings.
The best Poteen in town and shirtless bar men.
No! There's nowhere to beat the Argy!

I have noticed that scores on the doors here are minus 20-I am not happy with that standard.

That's a good score compared to the usual ones. ?

Marydoll! Take that cushion from up your jumper, you’re fooling nobody.
The only nippers we have round here are the ferrets.
Will you please stop oiling up the bar staff Buffy I wanted to do a fry up in the kitchen but all the lard has vanished.

While I’m lolling around the bar, I may as well have a drink or three.
Doodle have you been stealing my thongs again to strain
Cabbage, there’s a peculiar pong in here.......ah, wait, it’s only the Captain, these old salts do niff a bit when half stewed.
Right! A pint of best Black Bog please Trev, and a tia maria chaser.

Did Soop make these festive mince pies? Will somebody please tell her the holly should be on top outside of them and not baked into them!
Jusssht orf to the dentisht now to haff my gums repaired.?

There's not enough material in your thongs to strain anything let alone cabbage lemon you might as well tie two pieces of dental floss together and wear that. Hmm, you 'doing a fry up in the kitchen' what's that a euphemism for then. What are you really doing with that lard.?

Lemon, oh ye of little faith!
I had a scan today and the good news is... it's septuplets!!! Oh joy!!!

I have to be cruel to be kind Marydoll....right, are you listening? This is an entirely phantom pregnancy and belongs firmly in the leaping hares and stopped clocks thread
Yes, it’s true that your belly is swelling ( a swelly belly?) but it’s all down to the massive meals and pints of Guinness and Irn-Bru you constantly consume.
Now, stick to 5,000 calories a day ( like wot I do) and you will become as svelte as me.

You haven’t been limerencing have you Marydoll?
We all know where that can lead

Maw??

Soop can vouch that I did indeed have an assignation with Santa at the Edinburgh meet up.

I was wearing my onsie and plimsolls at the time. It was also very windy, as I made my way to Shoezone later.