Welcome to the new Argy Bar and cafe, abandon hope all ye who enter here.?

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Perhaps we could soon have another Talent Nite, whaddya think girls?
Meno with her sparklers, me with my alluring belly dance,
Mary with her spoons and what can you offer Doodle?
Chewy used to do a very good dance of the seven veils I seem to remember.
All offers will be considered!

I've put on a bit of weight since my last fandango lemon and the veils no longer fit that well. And in any case, women and veils are a bit of a moot point at the moment aren't they? But seeing as my belly is "more loose and flexible" nowadays, how about I do a belly dance routine? It seems to quiver all of its own accord these days so it shouldn't take too much effort. Fancy that?

Well lemon being a bit double-jointed, I suppose I could resurrect my contortionist act. It has been a while since I have done this as last time I was stuck with both legs wrapped round the back of my neck until the audience stopped rolling around with laughter dashed up to unwind me. I will do some stretching exercises today in order to loosen up for the show ?‍♂️?‍♂️?‍♂️

You could always do the dance of the one veil Chewy using a large white bed sheet, that would stop the Admiral fainting at the sight of your quivering belly, health and safety and all that

meno how unkind. chewy's tummy is not that big, is it? Oh, I see. ? chewy please don't practice near that vase. It's quite expensive came from the pound shop your quivering is making it wobble!

I just thought she would look all floaty and sexy but I think the admiral is a falls risk whatever she wears, we might have to lash his wooden leg to a chair

Well if you're after floaty and sexy I've got an old fishing net that would do the trick. If the Admiral is in such danger perhaps we should blindfold him during chewy's dance.

Oh I don't know, we could run a book to see how long it takes for his leg to drop off

It's not his leg dropping off that I'm worried about!

Surely his you know what isn't a false one too ?. Hope he hasn't got woodworm.

Urgh! So do I Doodle waddles off, looking at my nether regions

chewy you are awful, but I like you.

Dick emery lives on

Come on Meno let’s get drunk and you can tell me all your secrets ( especially any inventing ones) I have my notebook and pencil at the ready...now, a pint of Pernod for you this evening?

I cannot be bribed Lemon but you can still buy me a pint

I'm up for a bit of bribery and corruption lemon and it will only cost you half a pint of Tizer!

Blimey Chewy I wondered what those bottles were in the cellar without labels but they must be tizer or the admiral couldn't hold on when he was stuck there

In which case he needs to see a doctor

Bottles without a label? Tall bottles? Dark yellowy/orange? They're bottles of Tizer and Irn Bru, aren't they? Please tell me they are; I've drunk loads of them. this ruddy Admiral is getting to be a pest; in more ways that one

Good luck Chewy, I'm sure they were ok hem hem!! Slightly salty??

I knew this would happen chewy. I told the Admiral someone would think it was alcohol but he insisted he had to use the empty bottles as he couldn't hold on. Mind you, the amount he'd been drinking it it was probably 90% proof anyway.......just a rather strange aroma. Are you ok chewy? You look a little green around the gills ?

Between his woodwormed "wooden leg" and his bottles in the cellar that I've quaffed in copious quantities, I don't know which end of my body to tend to first. It's not only my gills that are looking green Doodle.

Hmm yes I see the problem chewy. Perhaps we could arrange for you to have a good scrub with the loo brush and a bottle of bleach, however, I think the answer may be for you to immerse yourself in a vat of poteen and then drink a few pints. That should sort you out. ?

Worry ye not maties ( as the Admiral would say) those bottles of browny/ yellowy liquid were my homemade amber nectar (pear and apple gin) .......did you really drink all of them? I was saving a few bottles for our Christmas Party.