Welcome to the new Argy Bar and cafe, abandon hope all ye who enter here.?

No lemon I promise I haven't touched a drop. #innocentface ? Hic!

Oh thank god for that, I really thought the Argy had dropped another level in its standards

Just checked the till....strangely empty, has Marydoll been in recently?

The Hans have packed up and left us, they say British women are too demanding and are off back to Berlin.

Marydoll???

Who me? ?

Yes, you! Turn out your coat pockets immediately ( if not sooner) and we know you keep tenners down your cleavage, so turn that out as well, and top up the till!

Don't forget the underboob, we all know you store things down there too!

And the boots!

Although I am not checking your thong ( gulp)?

I only have on my fur coat, nothing else.?

Typical!
Well, in that case you can work off the debt by doing an extra kitchen cleaning stint, baking some neep and tattie pasties and manning the bar for the rest of the week.......
Sticky fingers in the till will be rapped with a wooden ruler.

Do we not have any haggis? Och, nae bother at a', I'll mash up the dead rats and stuff them in my stockings ( If I can find them) to look like haggis, no-one one will notice.?

The tails will be a give away

marydoll has tails in her stockings? What sort of creature are you marydoll ???

Many have asked that question, but few have been able to answer it.?

? hmm I might have to ask the Admiral what he knows

How d’ya think the Admiral ended up with a wooden leg?
Marydoll knows.....

I thought he got it caught in the rigging but maybe he was TIED up with it??

A ha. It's amazing what I'm finding out about the Argy and its patrons. I thought you were all such genteel ladies ???

Doodle, we have managed to cover up the scandal very well.??

Ok it's another weekend looming, what can we offer for general entertainment, pole dancing, karaoke, various drinking games? Just let me know and I will get in suitable beverages

hmmmm, yes, pole dancing and karaoke I think Meno
and what about POGS doing her windy number again, that was popular with the patrons!
Marydoll can be on the spoons and wearing her sparkly ensemble [a thong and nipple tassels] if I remember rightly.

order plenty of vodka [it numbs the pain of atrocious sights]

How about a Quiz Night? E might get some unsuspecting punters in if we advertise something respectable.

Did you just get the advert for a “perfect fit” with a picture of a cat and a dog? Perfect fit for what? Or who? I dread to think ?

I am unable to take part in any festivities. The hunky builders have left the premises and none of them asked for my phone number. . I am distraught.?
I'm not sure if it was the dances of the two veils I did for them. ?.