Welcome to the new Argy Bar and cafe, abandon hope all ye who enter here.?

Mine’s a pint of Baileys.

Baileys? Nannytopsy Bailey's? This is the Argy Bar! We do poteen, homemade gin (from the loo pipes in the backyard) and cocktails made from the dregs of whatever is left in the bottles the punters bring back from duty free. We could knock you up a poteen and milkshake if you like? Curdles a bit but if you jump up and down whilst you drink it, it mixes quite well. How about a pint of that? Free scratching at the end of the bar.

I could do with some scratching. Is Huge Hans back from his hols yet?

Hmmmm! Been expecting you Marydoll! Huge Hans left a parcel for you; its under the bar. He left a cryptic message saying "Tell ze Mazdoll zat I vill be vaiting for err in ze usual place and to be varing vot is in ze parcel". No idea what that's all about.......

Wouldn't YOU like to know? I'm not telling you after what happened the last time you tried to grab a slice of the action.
Once bitten, twice shy. ?

Yes! Bitten is exactly what happened isn't it! You coming back with your clothes all awry; your wig on back to front and loves bites everywhere! And you still haven't found one of your red plastic thigh high boots have you? #hussy!

chewy, marydoll would like you to think that she has been hard at it with Hans but the truth is all those bites and her clothing all messed up is down to the fact that she was trying to get the the pork scratchings off the ferrets.

That's probably nearer the truth Doodle! But fair play to Marydoll she still struts her stuff like a good 'un!

Those blasted ferrets are vicious though. I saw one of them gnawing on one of soops pasties yesterday. They must have teeth like a hacksaw to get through one of those!

Phew it's hot, thought I'd make another cocktail called What a Scorcher, ingredients ideas?

Gin, lime, ice cubes, vermouth, pernod, and creme de menthe....I’ll have a pint of it please.
Too hot to anything other but sprawl here in the bar with my ‘what a scorcher’ cocktail to hand and to nod off zzzzzzz

Please bring mine outside. I am sunbathing on a lounger in the back garden. I am going for all over lobster with tangerine tints. Please let me know when I am done ☀️

Yes, I will turn you over to cook on the other side Doodle
( for a small fee)

Doodle when u say back garden I think you mean back yard where empty barrels are stored and the washing line holds the washed beer towels unless you have a real green garden you are not telling us about?.

Nice idea Lemon but wanted something red colour so let's start red martini then add all your stuff with a hint of cranberry juice and a couple of sparklers? Classy

A pinch of chilli might enliven the evening. Might enliven Hans too - he’s been a bit lacklustre ...

Well ok I was using my imagination when I said back garden. I though it might bring in a few more punters you know - attractive beer garden. I have put some beer barrels on end as seats, used a tea towel as a tablecloth, stick an old umbrella in a jam jar as an umbrella and put some weeds in a pot as flowers. Even if I say so myself it looks quite attractive. All we now is some live music ......no Hans, squeezing the cat till it squeaks does not count as music !!

Looking lovely Doodle well done but yes live music missing, the local farmer Giles does play a good tune on the bagpipes if given enough Cointreau, will that do or else the WI do a good set but we would have to clean the place up a bit as they are a snooty bunch

lemon and chewy where are you? You can't leave everything to me and meno you know. Can't either of you play the banjo or something (no lemon air on a G string was not what I had in mind......put it away ?)

No can do Doodle. I'm on holiday, relaxing, eating too much and generally doing very little. So I cannot possibly be expected to do anything constructive or of any use to anyone can I?
Did you know that Marydoll is an accomplished one man band? Give her a comb and a rubber band and she's Brahms & Liszt.

Holiday! Why would you want to go on holiday when I have set up a beautifully relaxing place in the back yard garden? There are pork scratchings on the bar and I have filled an old bath with water so you can have a paddle.

Oh well, I suppose we'll have to see how Marydoll gets on with her comb I hope it's not the one with all the dandruff in . Perhaps she'll poop in for an audition later.

Hopefully marydoll will pop in before she poops

Sorry I can't poop, I have no toilet at present! Neither have I electricity nor water. Oh and all my floors are up. However, I'm becoming well acquainted with the builders, roofers, electricians and joiners.
I've given them free passes to the Argy. Get your gladrags on. It's party time. ,

I'm going to be a party pooper (!!) but will join you all later

Does thar mean you poop party hats and streamers meno? That could be interesting on entertainment night ?

You just wait and see what I can do with the sparklers!