Somehow I DON'T think that's what you meant!

In a biology test students had to label the parts of the female reproductive system. A surprising number labelled the opening to the vagina as “the Volvo”, I wondered why one girl claimed her dad had one!

Here's another one: As a supply teacher, I was reading a story to Y4 children and it was flowing well. I managed to portmanteau the words 'short' and 'white' and out came shite! Hysterical laughter followed from all concerned including their regular teacher when I told him later. Was my face red... ?

I was taking a very disobedient boy to task and told him to see me later and I'd have it out with him. Well, that was what I intended but accidentally said 'have it off'. You can imagine the reaction of the class.

My friend and someone she knows were talking about takeaways, and which they like best.
The woman said "Oh, I love Indian food. My favourite is chicken tigger."

I once said I’d get some orgasmic chicken,instead of organic. Sounds far more exciting,so much so that I really have to concentrate when I need to say organic.

I was just looking at the list of songs on our Sonos system and have noticed one called Your ('re) mine by Show of Hands! Bearing in mind that they come from the West Country I wonder if it is a tin mine!

As a rather nervous young worker in a large hospital I was speaking on the phone to a senior consultant I'd never met about a patient who was not expected to live very long. I blurted out "I don't suppose you've got crystal balls". This was followed by a silence as I realised what I'd said and the amused response "How do you know?"

Many years ago when I first started work I needed some time off to go to the hospital for a biopsy on my leg. I went into the office and requested the time off as I was having an autopsy on my leg. It took a while before I realised why they were laughing at me.

My friend told me her arthritis had been exasperated by the weather.

Not on quite the same lines, but perhaps an indication as to why one of my previous boss's maintained that my brain was wired differently to other peoples at one place where I worked for a short while, I was tasked with ordering new work wear for the chaps (cargo pants, polo shirts etc) and going through the online catalogue found an entry that reduced me to giggles.

When asked what was so funny, and after saying what it was, I was met by mystified looks.

So, obviously it's only me that finds the term "hosptiality trousers" amusing?

No your brain is wired perfectly phoenix well at least it works in the same way as mine

I've got a lovely picture of "hospitality trousers" in my mind.

Thanks for all the laughs everyone

As a child I couldn't say car park it always came out as "par cark"

Age 15, got my biology paper marked and returned with ' really GillT57, you may have discovered something here!'. My opening sentence in the essay was ' The amoeba is a microscopic orgasm '

In France my husband and I went into a patisserie to get some pistachio flavoured meringues. The shop staff fell about laughing when my husband accidentally asked for 'meringues pastiche' instead of 'meringues pistache' I laughed to see my husband so embarrassed as he could actually speak french.

Reading this reminded me that my mum told us shed bought a condom set for a wedding present! She actually meant a condiments set! Nearly right!!!

Phoenix That is hilarious!

There's a firm of solicitors in Leamington called Wright Hassall.

While at her catholic school, my dyslexic friend wrote about contraceptives but she meant contradictions - needless to say, the Nuns were not impressed!!

When he was about 13 my MIL asked my husband what he'd been doing at school. He said they'd been learning all about the eye and problems that it can have - she looked horrified and said who told you the clitoris is in the eye?!! He'd actually said scleritis

My mother, (a staunch Lib-Dem) made me laugh when she said she wanted a conservative in her garden. She meant a conservatory.

I keep coming back to this to see the new posts - it's keeping me amused today! I've just remembered the time my son came home from uni - opened my laptop and exclaimed "Mum, what have you got on here?"
My dyslexic husband had very kindly sorted all my recipes and placed them into a folder on the desktop, which with my eyesight, I thought he had named "cook books" - it actually said cock books !!!

Camelotclub........I can vouch for Wright Hassall...when we sold our last house,the buyers’ solicitors were Wright Hassall. The sale went through smoothly!

When we bought our first house, I had to speak to the electrician about rewiring. Very proud of my newly-acquired technical knowledge, I confidently asked him to put in a ringworm circuit. The electrician kindly maintained a grave expression but he stuggled to speak for some time.

When I was teaching I meant to ask my pupils to sit, but unfortunately said "Sh*t".
The children were horrified and I could hear the classroom assistant snorting with laughter. I however, pretended nothing wrong.
By the time I went to the staff room at break, everyone knew.

A teacher friend of mine was astounded when one of his little Scouser pupils wrote, "The door opened, and a nude woman walked in!" Questioning him resulted in the child reading out, "The door opened, an' anudder woman walked in!"

Fishpieplease. There is an Estate Agents in Kidderminster called Dolittle and Dalley. I wonder how long they take to sell your house.