Somehow I DON'T think that's what you meant!

Anyone else suffer from condescension on their windows?

I once received an English essay from a 15 year old pupil who informed me " We went to the zoo and afterwards we had buggers"

Upon inquiry it transpired that they had had (ham) burgers!

When I was young a girl I worked with a girl who asked an older man who was decorating his house if he used durex

A friend of mine has departments in her handbag, an incliner chair and best of all she went to buy her husband Christmas presents at the HIV shop she meant HMV

My sister in law talking to her neighbours from the bedroom window looking over their garden. Your penises look really nice. - she meant peonies!

Thank you all for the laughs on this wet miserable day

granash no but you have reminded me that a man once made a pass at me saying "We are both condescending adults"

I remember someone using that phrase many years ago but what I would say is that in reality it really isn’t!

Thank you all for the chuckles.

When I was as a rookie rep for a portrait photographer in Dartmouth, he suggested that I contacted the Dartmouth Naval College to discuss possibilities of future commissions. I was a trifle tongue-tied due to nerves. When I was connected to the officer in charge, after introducing myself, I said...'I expect that you already have a photographer for your balls...' Badly worded. I meant to say 'events'. My bosses expression was a picture.

A friend told me that she was entertaining the new vicar for the first time. He had a very prominent nose. She asked...tell me, vicar, do you take sugar with your nose?...

I could never type the name Norman, my manager used to write to him quite often - my fingers would always type Dear Normal.

An information sheet for our local college advised students that they could pay their course fees 'per anum'. My colleague said, 'I know we usually have to pay through the nose for everything, but I didn't realise things had gone that far'.

This has really made my day, I laughed so much I got hiccups!

This reminds me of reading about a poor woman whose job was answering the phone for a company called "Country Craftwork"..

Just thought about this one. I had a friend who always used to say her favourite programme on TV was Little Prayer On The Housey. And her favourite cigarettes were Henson and Hedges.

We once hosted a delightful French exchange student, who we hope enjoyed his stay....but as he left he gave us gifts and thanked us for our hostility!

Out on an old car run with my friends, they overheard a woman enthusing about the fornicators (trafficators)!

I've said this before, but years ago when I was newly married I went to the laundrette. Another customer told me the washing machines were a bit erotic!

My 8 year old nephew once told me he had had sex at school. He meant second helping of pudding!

These are so funny. My father was a house painter so my mother was familiar(ish) with the technical terms for window parts. Someone asked where my dad was and she replied he was out painting testicals. (astragals). As it happened he had come inside the house and heard her - he never let her forget.

A friend of mine once told a group of people at a dinner party that she was a paedophile! She quickly realised her mistake by their expressions. She had meant to say Arctophile - a teddy bear collector. Must have been the wine!

sunlover Worried about one of her goldfish that was looking rather pale, my friend asked me to look at it as she thought it was emancipated! (Emaciated)

And the lady whose husband had just had a "culinary inclusion ". We presumed she meant a coronary occlusion.

My sister in law lives at the other end of the country and there was a sign outside a large house saying "paediatrician" and then somebody put a line through it stating "paedophile"and wondering why he was advertising not realising that they were not the same.

When we were newly married many moons ago DH had a research job at a university where he often came into contact with the vice-chancellor. He was telling my parents about the various social events that it would be nice to be invited to and announced perfectly seriously that the vice-chancellor had two balls!

Funniest post ever! Thank you ladies for making my day.