Somehow I DON'T think that's what you meant!

Not a malapropism but I did feel foolish when I wanted a new door mat and had to ask in Robert Dyas for a Magic Carpet. If only.....

I remember an MP, John Prescott I think, saying that after a flight, he was always glad to get his feet back on terracotta

My neighbour is always coming out with these. I have probably posted these on other threads but two of her classics were that her hotel had 'panasonic views' and that someone she knew was so thin she looked 'emancipated'.

Yesterday, when going through the electronic diary my boss said on a certain day he would be away, as he was going to his sons coming out parade!

He actually meant "graduation ceremony".

The durex/sellotape one reminded me that there are often misunderstandings when countries have different names for things. We had an American teacher who thought the children were playing up when they asked him for a rubber - he thought that was a condom. Also some children on a French exchange horrified their host family when eating homemade jam by asking if there was any preservatives in it like they had in the UK -same meaning!

My DH's late grandma said she didn't think that those 'Sun lagoons' looked very comfortable and she was going to stick with her old deckchair.

Sun Lagoon = Sun lounger

Oh soop what a thing to say! (Relieved you’re not my friend!

A long time ago sitting next to a man on an aeroplane talking about gardens, he said how much he had enjoyed a particular garden designed by Serendipity Jones!

My cousin had her son "computing" between two local towns! She said it every time.

When I posted my first message on Facebook, I mentioned that a very good friend had discovered that her cat had been killed on the road outside her house. I finished my message with LOL believing it meant - Lots of Love Oh dear!

I just put my foot in it an hour ago describing somebody I know very well as being alcoholic instead of workaholic.

Many years ago a student friend arrived home in a state of great excitement, because the man opposite her on the tube had been masticating himself all through the journey.

When I was about 8 years old and a Brownie, we had a visit from one of the Girl Guides, to teach us some basic First Aid. She started by asking us, “Does anyone know what to do about a haemorrhage?” Keen as mustard, up shot my hand. “Yes, my Daddy uses a cream for that!” The girl did at least manage to keep a straight face as she explained my mistake.....But I was mortified

The Durex ones remind me of my first teaching job,when the American exchange teacher called out to ask if anyone had any Durex?
We pointed out that we call it Sellotape.

Yes I've really enjoyed this thread. Thank you phoenix for starting it!

When I sit down to read these I have to make sure I do not have food or drink remotely near me. phoenix I will be charging you for the number of tissues I have used- this is all hilarious.

My son was a student at a performing arts college. He was texted by a theatre director he knew to ask if he could perform in a show but unfortunately was busy on that date. His reply "no sorry as he had a thong on in the college" (meant to say thing) made for a tricky explanation!

My best friend told her doctor she was still taking the Frolic acid!!

Perhaps the solicitors Argue and Phibbs amalgamated with The Savage Law Practice and continued to Welch and Robb their clients and left them Cuffed and Goughing.
Lots of chuckles in this thread. ?

I can once remember, years ago, asking in the supermarket if they had any orgasmic cornflakes!!!!!

There was a firm of solicitors in Sligo, Ireland, called Argue and Phibbs.

In Devon you can have your house sold by 'Force'

Also our elderly neighbour was telling us about her grown-up granddaughters of whom she is very proud as they're both 'working girls'

This thread is great fun isn't it!

Keep them coming, please. I've had a good giggle and almost choked on my mug of tea.

There used to be a firm of Solicitors in Stirling called Welch and Robb. Now, in Alloa, we have Black & Markie and The Savage Law Practice.

My solicitors are Cuff and Gough, try saying that after a few