Ever been mortified by something you said?

As a student I found myself an evening job in a Bingo Hall, making tea and coffee and serving refreshments from behind a small counter.

On my first night I struggled keeping up with how busy it was during the interval and tried to remain cool, calm and collected. There was just myself and one other lady and I didn't want to appear flustered.

Many of the patrons were old and as such they were in my young mind a bit slow in collecting their order and moving along in the queue.

I had a system of getting everything ready on a tray for them so that the hot drinks were last to go on and off they could go.

One lady wouldn't pick up her tray to move along and I was getting impatient and was gently pushing it in her direction whilst saying, "Please take your tray".

The queue was getting longer and I felt she was holding it up!

Before she could reply, I leant forward to physically hand her the tray. She had a cardigan draped over her shoulders but her arms were not through the sleeves.

She instinctively grabbed one side of the tray with her left hand so I pushed the tray further so that it moved away the cardigan so that her other hand could easily take the other side of the tray and off she could go.

Only there was no other hand. No arm either.

"Please take it!" I requested.

Followed by,

"Where's your arm? Where's your arm gone?" spoken loudly in an incredulous tone!

Then the slow realisation that she only had one arm as I stopped trying to foist the tray upon her.

I grabbed the tray back and my colleagues voice rang out cheerfully from nearby, "Mrs Whatever has only got one arm, you have to take the tray over to her table"!

Mrs Whatever glared at me and I prayed for the ground to swallow me up!

On a busy train I sat next to a smartly dressed woman who was engrossed in a book. Opposite her was a gangly, grubby looking and very scruffily dressed teenager wearing headphones.

At first the tinny music was fairly low but then he turned it up. Thrash metal I believe was the music genre and after a few minutes I caught his attention by waving and he removed an ear piece and I asked him to turn the volume down. He stared at me with no expression and then grunted and fiddled with the volume control to turn it down a bit and then replaced his ear phones and went back to his trance of listening to the mindless noise.

I turned towards the lady next to me, gave an eyeroll in the boys direction and said in a conspiratorial low voice, "I should have gone first class to avoid the riff raff!"

Mrs Immaculate looking tartly replied, "He's my son!"

My DHs cousin came to dinner with her husband who was a bigwig in the Cathedral where they lived. He'd been a churchman all his life. When the conversation lagged, I said brightly, "do you know, Jo (daughter) came home from RE in school the other day and told me that they'd been learning about transubstantiation. 'I can't believe anyone still goes along with such a load of claptrap, can you mum? She said'" There was a moment of silence, no one laughed and I could have gone through the floor.

We were on a coach trip to Amsterdam. Every time we got back on the coach after a visit somewhere it was the same couple who were late.
So once again the driver said: "^we are short of 2 people^
Up popped big gob ( me) with: ^ it's probably the same 2 who keep us waiting every time^
Up popped a voice from the back: no, we're here ?

I was a junior school dinner lady serving the children. One of the male teachers joined the line to get his meal. So he really stood out waiting in the queue amongst the little ones, and when he got to me I said, for a joke, "My, you are a big boy" - he replied "So I've been told" and the whole of the line of dinner ladies collapsed in hysterics except me, who couldn't believe that I had said such a thing!!

When my DB got married a long time ago, my other SIL and I took my neice and my DD to dress (we were in our outfits already) at the bride's home, we were told they could change in the bride's sisters bedroom. When we came out the sister was standing there in a creased shirt and trousers, she was giving a reading at the wedding I turned and said the rooms all yours again now for you to get ready. She replied 'i am ready'.

At work once, I went into a back room, and used one of the internal phone lines to have a grizzle at a friend in another department about 'Julie' and what a useless creature she was; I really had a good old moaning session. I hung up the phone, turned around and saw 'Julie' sitting in the far corner of the room. She'd been there when I walked in, but I didn't see her!
Strangely enough, I didn't get invited to her leaving party, but as we were getting rid of her anyway, it was all good!

I'm secretary at a local club. I was organizing these blessed GDPR forms for everyone to sign so we wouldn't fall foul of recent legislation.

We have two or three Asian members of our club. One came up and handed her form to me. I asked if she wanted one for her husband... except she wasn't the Asian lady whose husband is a member.

She was so gracious but I wished the ground would swallow me up.

This wasn't really my fault but a few years ago I moved to Wales. One house in my small street I was introduced to a very old lady by another neighbour and it was mentioned she had two sons and one of the sons happened to be going out and I was introduced to him as well.

I used to see him regularly when he went out for a run and some days he would be very friendly and other days he would blank me.

I must point out that he was middle aged and him and his brother still lived at home, neither married and both taught music from their home.

I never saw the other brother, only the one I'd originally met and I found his behaviour very odd.

One day I saw him coming outside his house as I walked past and he was very friendly and we chatted.

On my way back he was also returning home and I said hi and was met with a blank look and he carried on going in. How bloody rude I thought.

"What is the matter with you?" I called out to him.

I didn't give him a chance to answer and called him a weirdo before turning round and almost bumping into

his identical twin brother!



Never have two twins looked more alike. I later discovered that they shared the one car and dressed identically. Apparently the one I hadn't been introduced to was very shy and quiet whereas the one I had originally met was more gregarious. Hence one day 'him' being friendly and the next day, not!

monica me too. I'm renowned for it. I try not to think of things I've said when I'm out. Hopefully people forget quickly.