Just back from humanist funeral

Why do you think that Humanist funerals have no music carolmary? It is normal to have at least three pieces of music - one when the coffin is brought in, one during a period of reflection (when slides are often shown) and one (quite often an up-beat one) when everyone leaves.

We had a Humanist Funeral for our 13 year old son. We had music 1) Beautiful Boy by John Lennon, for obvious reasons 2) Blowing In The Wind, Bob Dylan, he was finally free and 3) Stand up for your rights by Bob Marley, something we had to do all his life.
It was a beautiful service.

There was a humanist funeral for my DB 18 months ago. The celebrant was a lovely lady who had spent several hours with my SIL and his DDs. So she gave a very personal speech about my DB. None of his close family felt they could get up to say anything so it fell to me. I was pleased that I managed to do it and even cause some laughter about his antics in his younger days. The commital was to Star Trek music (he was a Trekky) and we left to Always look on the bright side of life. I think he would have been happy with it.

My DM died abroad with us so was cremated here and I took her ashes back to England where we had a memorial service for her. It was held in the village church where one of my DDs lives. The vicar came and chatted to my DD and I and made it a wonderfully personal service. No droning or preaching at all.

We've had two humanist funerals in our family so far and I know there will be more. They are so natural and happy occasions, celebrating a life with so many memories. There is nothing better that I know of and that is after a lifetime of attending so many religious funerals that never have the same impact as the humanist ones.

Why bother to have any celebrant at all? When members of mine and DH's family who had no religious affiliation died we organised the funeral service ourselves, built around the person we knew more personally than any outside celebrant, no matter how good.

My OH and I planned his funeral and our children and I conducted it. He wrote letters and short pieces to specific people which were read out and our children gave brief eulogies of their own. We played his favourite music and a video montage of photographs that he had made. People wrote their memories of him which were placed in a ribboned box for future grandchildren to read. No celebrant, no minister, just the people who knew him.

We had a Funeral Celebrant for my fathers funeral service and she was brilliant.

We chose to say the Lords Prayer and the music played was Josh Grobin, The New Seekers and Jim Reeves.

She was from the point of our meeting in my home a person I just felt immediately comfortable with and she 'asked' not 'told' me what or how I wanted the funeral to take shape . She literally did everything I asked and subtly made a suggestion or two if she thought I needed help or reassurance. She engaged with my fathers history and I wrote the words for her to say and she was happy to carry out my wish in full. She delivered the Service beautifully and I genuinely feel her personal and professional manner helped so much on the day.

The service was personal , full of memories and at no point did we feel we were simply 'going through the motion' as I must admit to doing now at traditional funerals.

Each to his own and I certainly mean no disrespect to those who find the traditional Curch Service suits them best.

Im not sure if I said this but the humanist funeral I went to definitely did have music. The lady in question loved classical music and as well as the music at start and finish we listened to a beautiful.piece of her favourite music (cant remember what it was) after which we had a few minutes silence to think about her (or pray.) The eulogies and readings were beautiful and moving too. One was written by her widower but someone else read it as he was too upset.
As I said the only thing I really missed was singing hymns,but then I'm a singer. To me the words were more meaningful than the standard CofE 'dust to dust' etc which I find faintly repellent even though I go to a (non conformist) church.

Full Kafflick ritual for me, and none of this being happy malarkey, I demand weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth!

( Incidentally, my friend had a Humanist funeral for her mother, and after the ceremony her father -in-law said he “ didnae think it was very humourous”.
My friend’s comment was, “ Who did you expect, Ken f*&£#ng Dodd?”)