Just back from humanist funeral

Full Kafflick ritual for me, and none of this being happy malarkey, I demand weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth!

( Incidentally, my friend had a Humanist funeral for her mother, and after the ceremony her father -in-law said he “ didnae think it was very humourous”.
My friend’s comment was, “ Who did you expect, Ken f*&£#ng Dodd?”)

Im not sure if I said this but the humanist funeral I went to definitely did have music. The lady in question loved classical music and as well as the music at start and finish we listened to a beautiful.piece of her favourite music (cant remember what it was) after which we had a few minutes silence to think about her (or pray.) The eulogies and readings were beautiful and moving too. One was written by her widower but someone else read it as he was too upset.
As I said the only thing I really missed was singing hymns,but then I'm a singer. To me the words were more meaningful than the standard CofE 'dust to dust' etc which I find faintly repellent even though I go to a (non conformist) church.

We had a Funeral Celebrant for my fathers funeral service and she was brilliant.

We chose to say the Lords Prayer and the music played was Josh Grobin, The New Seekers and Jim Reeves.

She was from the point of our meeting in my home a person I just felt immediately comfortable with and she 'asked' not 'told' me what or how I wanted the funeral to take shape . She literally did everything I asked and subtly made a suggestion or two if she thought I needed help or reassurance. She engaged with my fathers history and I wrote the words for her to say and she was happy to carry out my wish in full. She delivered the Service beautifully and I genuinely feel her personal and professional manner helped so much on the day.

The service was personal , full of memories and at no point did we feel we were simply 'going through the motion' as I must admit to doing now at traditional funerals.

Each to his own and I certainly mean no disrespect to those who find the traditional Curch Service suits them best.

My OH and I planned his funeral and our children and I conducted it. He wrote letters and short pieces to specific people which were read out and our children gave brief eulogies of their own. We played his favourite music and a video montage of photographs that he had made. People wrote their memories of him which were placed in a ribboned box for future grandchildren to read. No celebrant, no minister, just the people who knew him.

Why bother to have any celebrant at all? When members of mine and DH's family who had no religious affiliation died we organised the funeral service ourselves, built around the person we knew more personally than any outside celebrant, no matter how good.

We've had two humanist funerals in our family so far and I know there will be more. They are so natural and happy occasions, celebrating a life with so many memories. There is nothing better that I know of and that is after a lifetime of attending so many religious funerals that never have the same impact as the humanist ones.

There was a humanist funeral for my DB 18 months ago. The celebrant was a lovely lady who had spent several hours with my SIL and his DDs. So she gave a very personal speech about my DB. None of his close family felt they could get up to say anything so it fell to me. I was pleased that I managed to do it and even cause some laughter about his antics in his younger days. The commital was to Star Trek music (he was a Trekky) and we left to Always look on the bright side of life. I think he would have been happy with it.

My DM died abroad with us so was cremated here and I took her ashes back to England where we had a memorial service for her. It was held in the village church where one of my DDs lives. The vicar came and chatted to my DD and I and made it a wonderfully personal service. No droning or preaching at all.

We had a Humanist Funeral for our 13 year old son. We had music 1) Beautiful Boy by John Lennon, for obvious reasons 2) Blowing In The Wind, Bob Dylan, he was finally free and 3) Stand up for your rights by Bob Marley, something we had to do all his life.
It was a beautiful service.

Why do you think that Humanist funerals have no music carolmary? It is normal to have at least three pieces of music - one when the coffin is brought in, one during a period of reflection (when slides are often shown) and one (quite often an up-beat one) when everyone leaves.

I have been to quite a few funerals, some humanist, some what I would describe as "pseudo-religious" i.e. crematorium services for people who never went to church and where the poor duty vicar had to say something about the deceased person he had never met, and religious ceremonies for people who were believers. I have found the latter have been the most inspiring funerals; carefully chosen hymns, a good eulogy with a touch of humour and the church "family" there to give their fellow member a good send-off. I would agree though that the quality of the funeral does rather depend on the celebrant. The best funeral I have been to was that of a Salvation Army Officer, but then I have a weakness for brass bands! Humanist funerals with no music seem to lack something in my opinion. I think it is very wrong of people to lay down rules for their own funerals - after all they are really for the people left behind. Having said that, I like to pass the hours of the night when I can't sleep thinking what hymns I would like sung at my funeral. Does anyone else do this? Our Vicar has a list of unsuitable hymns, one of which "Colours of day" probably might not be ideal for a crem. committal (chorus starts "come light up the fire, let the flame burn"!

My aunt's funeral was one I'll never forget. She lived alone but had friends and relatives who visited and her cousin who lived nearby helped to look after her after she became I'll. Most of us lived away but visited her at the hospice where she died. My aunt had been a legal secretary who had more or less run a country law practice in her working life and she had given very specific instructions for her funeral to her cousin.
We're not a huge family but about 16 of us drove down to the crematorium. We'd been told no flowers but some of us had taken small sprays. We followed the coffin into a small churchlike building and stood for about 3 or 4 mins while some music played in background. (Sounded like music you might hear in a lift) This gentleman then went to the front and we all expected he was going to talk about my aunt. He stood for moment a and then pointed to the back of the "church" where the door had been opened and motioned us to leave. We were all stunned and my aunt's cousin was beside herself as she had had to organise this with instructions not to tell anyone beforehand. My aunt had also said there were to be no refreshments afterwards. This her cousin had disobeyed thankfully and we all met up in a local hostelry for some sandwiches. When I was younger I had always held my aunt up as a model of an independent woman and had enjoyed many visits to her house where she would regale me with tales of her life until the early hours of the morning. That funeral though seems to cloud my thoughts of her now, we were all distressed that she wanted it that way. I felt happier after the funerals of my parents who I loved dearly.

I arranged a humanist funeral for my DH as he didn't have a faith. It was certainly meaningful for me and I hope for those who attended. You arrange it to suit the individual.

Been to a few Humanist funerals and didn't like them. I felt the same about naming days instead of Christenings. I do like hymns and readings plus information about the deceased person's life. I do agree it depends on the person conducting the service.

I have been really interested to read these posts about funeral ceremonies as I was a Humanist celebrant for many years, having trained with the British Humanist Association. I loved being a celebrant. It was truly a privilege. Spending several hours with bereaved families, sharing tears and smiles as memories emerge, stories of happy times as well as sad ones. So often, as I prepared to leave, I would be told how much the opportunity to remember and share stories had helped, stories that children hadn’t known about their parents younger lives - how they met and fell in love - the early years.
At home the hard work would begin, writing the ceremony, which can take days, finding words and poetry, trying to capture and reflect a true picture of the person who has died, hopefully prompting some smiles to release tensions.
As a BHA celebrant I always emailed or delivered a copy of the proposed script beforehand to ensure it was ‘right’. Although Humanist ceremonies are ceremonies without religion, time is always included for private prayer. I’m retired now, but the lives of so many people will always be a part of my memories.

When DH died the Funeral Director (long established local family firm) asked me what sort of service I wanted, religious, humanist or a mixture of both. I opted for a mixture of humanist & religious. Celebrant came to talk to me (we had only lived in the area for 14 months & DH was in Hospital/Nursing Home for 4 of those months. The Service at the Crematorium was just right, Eulogy was read out by Celebrant as DH's best friend had written it but could not read it out (they had been friends for over 60 years), coffin moved behind the curtains to one of DH's favourite Roy Orbison songs.

Everyone agreed it was a lovely Service, I was so pleased & felt it was the right choice for us.

The vicar doing my dad's funeral referred to my bil as his son.... he'd never met him. I was very angry but too upset to complain!!!
I find Catholic funerals too much, but I'm an atheist. I'll be donating myself to the school of surgeons. No official funeral necessary (providing they need me).

Some of you may be interested in a funeral " in the manner of Quakers" which you may come across if the deceased had Quaker connections. As is usual, Friends and non Friends will be invited to sit in a circle and observe a short time of silence. After that, maybe a close relative may deliver a short eulogy by previous arrangement. After that anyone who knew the deceased may speak briefly and jokes are fine. Between speaking ( known as ministry) a short silence should be observed to reflect on what has been said. The event ends when a presiding Friend shakes hands with person before her and this passes round the whole meeting.
Afterwards in a separate room there will be refreshments and time to talk to one another and renew acquaintances in many cases.

Some Friends like their ashes to be scattered in the garden of the Meeting House. Very occasionally, there is an interment , but most Quaker burial grounds have long been full up. Only the plainest of stones are erected as all are equal in death.

My son had a humanist funeral and I have been to one other. We are humanist. My sons funeral was a celebration of his life and two of his friends stood up and spoke about him which was lovely. The chapel in the crem is quite small but there was so many people standing at the back of the chapel I really didn’t know he had so many friends.

Sorry about typos - difficult writing on a phone in a moving car! (Dh driving!)

Ive neen to one humanist funeral.and I was very impressed. It was thoughtful.with appropriate readings & (secular) music but i did rather muds singing hymns. Im sorry 'chocolate' but the bit that impressed me most was when she said there wpuld be a m9ment of dilence to think of the deceased and that ww might like to pray if we were believers. It seemed to me to be very tolerant and inclusive and i was astonished and pleased that this was said in a non religious service.

A friend of mine died in November and her funeral was humanist. It was a celebration of her life, and the lady who conducted it spoke as if she had known her personally, it was very beautiful to hear such a lot of things about my friend that i had never heard before. Her family had put together a video of photographs of her from a child to an elderly lady and it was shown while some of her favourite songs were played. Everyone came out of the crematorium with a smile on their faces, even her close family. She was a lovely lady, and every time i think of her i have a little smile because of the service.

Thankyou MissAdventure.

I think it seems to come down to the quality of the celebrant, religious or secular. I have been to some dire church funerals - in one the vicar had to lean over the grave to look at the coffin in order to know whether to say "Dear departed brother or sister!!!.

AS I said upthread I have had one mediocre service for Mum, and one for Dad that was perfect. The celbrant cinsulted us every inch of the way when it came to her speech and to the total content.

I've been to two, one more successful than the other - my DH's aunt was disastrous and no attempt to show that the deceased was important, but a member of my choir last week had a charming celebration. She'd lost her DH and was diagnosed with breast cancer, passing quite suddenly in rhe end. She liked animals more than humans and had planned her funeral to include dogs and horses, both of which were an important part of the service. The celebrant was the same one who'd done her husband's celebration and all were welcome - hugs, music from the choir, a lovely photo of the deceased with an owl, non-traditional music. A request - no black and no flowers except for a few brought up by the closest family - donations to RSPCA. For me I'm planning a pagan celebration with only wild flowers, green interment, lots of bright happy music jazzy music etc, no black.