My boy has flown

Minxie - what s great job you have done. Bringing your boy through to independence and confident in himself to ‘fly.’
The hole created will gradually be filled with your own, increased independence as new possibilities open up for you.

Our son left for Australia on 11 Sep, the day the twin towers were hit. He disappeared for 3 days. We knew he had flown to Heathrow but we heard nothing from him. He didn't have a mobile phone at the time. We went through hell for those few days as we worried he was somewhere in USA, but where? It turned out he had been put on a plane to India, which eventually allowed him to reach Australia. Anyway after a bad start he spent a year in Oz before coming home for a break, then went back for another few months. He had his 21st birthday there. He is now living quite near us, married and with two little children. You've got to give them wings so they can fly back!

I feel for you. My son went for a year. I thought it was the end of the world but I got used to it-and you will too. Make sure that you take advantage of all the technology we have and you can do Skype or FaceTime video calls every week, or whenever you speak to him. The time will go by faster than you think!

My eldest daughter has been in Dubai for four years. She comes home in the summer for six weeks to get away from the heat, we have visited them there and Skype is MARVELLOUS. We each sit in our armchairs with tea and biscuits and have great chats. She has been shown the new shed in the garden and I have seen her mad Bengal cat showering in the water feature in theirs. My sister emigrated to Australia in 1950 and my father only saw her once in the 16 years before he died and the 3 minute phone calls at Christmas were such poor quality they were almost as sad as they were happy. How he would have loved Skype, and how you will love it too. Don't be upset, there's really no need. You might actually see more of him than if he was in the UK!

I know how you feel. I left London 11 years ago to live in North Yorkshire. I know its only a train ride away but I miss my baby every day, he is 45!! He chose to stay in London and is happily married but we have always been very close. I am going down for my monthly visit on Sunday, hoorah. His partner and I get on very well, so all three of us will be cosying up together on the sofa during my stay...its our time. I always cry when I am going home...so do they! Facetime isn't the same as being with them...but its useful to reassure us that they are safe and happy.

Our daughter went to Melbourne Australia in 2005 with her job. She met and married an Australian and we went over for the wedding. The marriage only lasted 2,years (his decision) and she was then on her own for 4 years but in all that time she never thought about coming back as she loves Melbourne. She has now met someone and their first baby is due in April and we’re going over for a month when it’s born. It is hard at first but you do get used to it. We use WhatsApp and she messages me most days and we also FaceTime. I reckon I have more contact with her than some of my friends have with their children who live nearby. Our son his wife and baby live 200 miles from us but we’re retired so make the effort to go and visit often. Our life doesn’t revolve around our children as being with our friends is also important but with a little effort you can make sure you’re very much a part of each other’s lives.

I can't afford to be upset about my children being on other continents - some for months, some for years, as I did the same thing to my parents, so it would be hypocritical to complain to my children.

The tears when they left were overpowered by the sense of pride that they are now grown up and independent.

Our DS is a joiner/boatbuilder and got a job working as the base carpenter for BAS in Antarctica for 18 months including the 5 month complete cut off during the winter months. There was no email then, only letters sent down by plane. And a Christmas message on the radio! Luckily my pride in his achievement helped buoy me over the worry about what he was up to (well founded I discovered later). But missing him never went away.

(And that was only 20 years ago. The internet, Skype, etc has made the world a much smaller place.)

I do feel for you. My daughter almost emigrated to Canada but changed her mind. I cried buckets thinking about it the weekend she told us ( after she'd left!) Both daughters left home for university and were at the other end of the country so I got used to that and then both lived 3 hours away so didn't see them as often as I would have liked. I'm very lucky now that I have relocated and now live very near them and see them all the time and we are all really close including 2 beautiful grandchildren. However their brother died in childhood so I'll never know what he could have achieved and that's another missing altogether.

I left home at 18 to study, stayed in London, met my husband, got married and moved to Hong Kong for what was supposed to be 3 years and turned into 20. My parents visited after about 10 years there. DD and SiL were going to go abroad and we fully supported them but it hasn't happened so I'm quite glad but..... the old saying 'if you love them, let them go' is very true. They are our babies for a while but not long. Go visit minxie, Australia is a wonderful place, you might even like it!!