My boy has flown

I left home at 18 to study, stayed in London, met my husband, got married and moved to Hong Kong for what was supposed to be 3 years and turned into 20. My parents visited after about 10 years there. DD and SiL were going to go abroad and we fully supported them but it hasn't happened so I'm quite glad but..... the old saying 'if you love them, let them go' is very true. They are our babies for a while but not long. Go visit minxie, Australia is a wonderful place, you might even like it!!

I do feel for you. My daughter almost emigrated to Canada but changed her mind. I cried buckets thinking about it the weekend she told us ( after she'd left!) Both daughters left home for university and were at the other end of the country so I got used to that and then both lived 3 hours away so didn't see them as often as I would have liked. I'm very lucky now that I have relocated and now live very near them and see them all the time and we are all really close including 2 beautiful grandchildren. However their brother died in childhood so I'll never know what he could have achieved and that's another missing altogether.

(And that was only 20 years ago. The internet, Skype, etc has made the world a much smaller place.)

Our DS is a joiner/boatbuilder and got a job working as the base carpenter for BAS in Antarctica for 18 months including the 5 month complete cut off during the winter months. There was no email then, only letters sent down by plane. And a Christmas message on the radio! Luckily my pride in his achievement helped buoy me over the worry about what he was up to (well founded I discovered later). But missing him never went away.

I can't afford to be upset about my children being on other continents - some for months, some for years, as I did the same thing to my parents, so it would be hypocritical to complain to my children.

The tears when they left were overpowered by the sense of pride that they are now grown up and independent.

Our daughter went to Melbourne Australia in 2005 with her job. She met and married an Australian and we went over for the wedding. The marriage only lasted 2,years (his decision) and she was then on her own for 4 years but in all that time she never thought about coming back as she loves Melbourne. She has now met someone and their first baby is due in April and we’re going over for a month when it’s born. It is hard at first but you do get used to it. We use WhatsApp and she messages me most days and we also FaceTime. I reckon I have more contact with her than some of my friends have with their children who live nearby. Our son his wife and baby live 200 miles from us but we’re retired so make the effort to go and visit often. Our life doesn’t revolve around our children as being with our friends is also important but with a little effort you can make sure you’re very much a part of each other’s lives.

I know how you feel. I left London 11 years ago to live in North Yorkshire. I know its only a train ride away but I miss my baby every day, he is 45!! He chose to stay in London and is happily married but we have always been very close. I am going down for my monthly visit on Sunday, hoorah. His partner and I get on very well, so all three of us will be cosying up together on the sofa during my stay...its our time. I always cry when I am going home...so do they! Facetime isn't the same as being with them...but its useful to reassure us that they are safe and happy.

My eldest daughter has been in Dubai for four years. She comes home in the summer for six weeks to get away from the heat, we have visited them there and Skype is MARVELLOUS. We each sit in our armchairs with tea and biscuits and have great chats. She has been shown the new shed in the garden and I have seen her mad Bengal cat showering in the water feature in theirs. My sister emigrated to Australia in 1950 and my father only saw her once in the 16 years before he died and the 3 minute phone calls at Christmas were such poor quality they were almost as sad as they were happy. How he would have loved Skype, and how you will love it too. Don't be upset, there's really no need. You might actually see more of him than if he was in the UK!

I feel for you. My son went for a year. I thought it was the end of the world but I got used to it-and you will too. Make sure that you take advantage of all the technology we have and you can do Skype or FaceTime video calls every week, or whenever you speak to him. The time will go by faster than you think!

Our son left for Australia on 11 Sep, the day the twin towers were hit. He disappeared for 3 days. We knew he had flown to Heathrow but we heard nothing from him. He didn't have a mobile phone at the time. We went through hell for those few days as we worried he was somewhere in USA, but where? It turned out he had been put on a plane to India, which eventually allowed him to reach Australia. Anyway after a bad start he spent a year in Oz before coming home for a break, then went back for another few months. He had his 21st birthday there. He is now living quite near us, married and with two little children. You've got to give them wings so they can fly back!

Minxie - what s great job you have done. Bringing your boy through to independence and confident in himself to ‘fly.’
The hole created will gradually be filled with your own, increased independence as new possibilities open up for you.

My son left to go to Japan in 2000 and is still there. He is married and I have two little granddaughters over there. We Skype every week and try to see them as much as possible. Hard to imagine now but it does get easier. I always had my daughter and grandson close by bit now she has over over three hours away. Miss them all a lot but am just glad they are happy and settled in their lives. They’re only with us ‘on loan’ for a while and we must just be glad we brought them up well. xx

My heart goes out to you, but he will have a wonderful time, and so will you when you visit him, until then enjoy your SKYPE time with him. Sending you hugs on this special day.

Thank you everyone for your comments. He is an independent boy, he travelled Europe on his own and then he did some volunteer work in Africa for 3 months, that was bad enough. I thought he would come home and get a job, but then he met a girl who was already going to Australia
He has face timed me and is now with his girlfriend who went out there in November and I know they should be together.
He has already got a job and it was lovely to be able to see his lovely face and see that he was happy.
hugs to you all whoever are missing their children, who are so very far away xx

Our son went off to Perth 6 years ago. He came back briefly a year ago but is now in a stable relationship in Melbourne. Yes, we still miss him but seeing him happy is the best antidote for any sadness. Face Time sessions and Group What’s App keep him up to date with family events and pictures of his and our antics help too.
It’s sad for you but an adventure for him. Practise painting that smile on your face and keep your tears to private times. I promise your smiling time will increase. It truely is a beautiful country. Do try to visit as soon as you can. It helps enormously to experience their world. Before you leave be sure to put the next meet up time in the diary.
Chin up - you gave him life now be happy that he’s able to enjoy it.

I'm sorry you are upset. I would be too.

Sounds silly, but there are lots of competitions to win flights/ holidays to Australia. I would give them a go.

Nothing ventured.

Nonnie is right, Skype will be a very good way to keep in touch. It's not difficult, find someone to show you. And force yourself to keep busy. I don't want to sound a pessimistic note but I would not bank on him coming home for good - Australia has so much to offer.... However hard it feels we have to let them lead their own lives. In the years to come I'm sure you would want not want him blaming you for missed opportunities. Good luck.

Oh dear bless you! I'd start planning now to go and see him after the first twelve months. Will give you time to save up and something to look forward to. In the meantime, phone, Skype, email, send letters, anything to keep in touch. Be interested in everything he tells you, be supportive & you'll never lose him. My big boy (32) is so close to me these days, after his long term partner left. I'm seeing him twice weekly now, more than I have in years. Boys never really 'leave', they just go on adventures but always need their Mums there to come back to ☺. The daughters? That's a whole other ball game!

Mmm yattypung, good for you to have gathered your family all about you.
I wonder do you ever give a thought to the feelings of the families that they left behind so that your family could stay together?

I am pleased that I'm not alone in being delighted that my son and daughter had the adventurous spirit to leave home and explore and experience other parts of the world, different cultures and get a broader perspective on life. As a single parent for over 20 years the three of us had a very close and protective relationship. Perhaps because we lived in a fairly remote part of the country at the time I would have been surprised (if not disappointed) if they had not wanted to spread their wings whilst they were young and with no responsibilities.
I agree with Annodomini......make the most of your own 'new' life.

I would feel very, very sad too.

But seeing our children grow up and, most importantly, be happy, healthy and fulfilled in their lives, is probably what we all aspire to. The opposite would be much more distressing.

I hope he enjoys his time abroad.

Mine has just come back aged 40 with his new wife. I find it really strange to have him calling round and phoning after being on my own so long.

I am going to sound harsh however I am going to say it anyway! I have a dear friend who lost her daughter in an horrific way when she was 2. Some children dont grow up. Be grateful he has else all you would have is a grave to visit and memories.

I do identify though cos it's hard. I have 4 youngsters. 2 live local and 2 live abroad. 1 in Canada and 1 in N-Z.

People have asked me how I cope as they couldn't? I am like "eh! Our children are through us not of us"

In this day an age it's not as if you won't see them again. Skype, email, FaceTime, what's app, text. Cost of flights now return are so cheap. We can go out to my dauggter in Canada for £700 return for 2 of us and a £1000 return to N.Z for 2 of us too. Cost weekly £35-00 per week if you work it out.

Just giving some balance to your feelings so you can explore the perceptions

My DS came to Australia for a holiday over 20 years ago, met a Aussie girl, married her and stayed there...me and DH visited them every couple of years when we were both still working, and then we retired here in 2006. The good news is that my 2 DDs and my grandchildren emigrated here too, so now we are all living in this beautiful country.

I see you say he is going for 2 years so if this is a work contract he could well be back. It is hard but we just have to make the best of it there is no other way