My boy has flown

Yggdrasil im still in the motion of bringing up my boys but I am 100% on board with having my boys not needing me in their adult years. I will always be there but I want them to be confident to make good choices without my input. My biggest thing is that, they will eventually be husbands and fathers, I want them to have the life skills to cope with that responsibility.

Aww I feel for you so much
My boy went to Oz and now lives there with his wife
He’s happy healthy what more can I ask.
Miss him every single day and often think of the times when he was growing up with his siblings.
Happy memories

My son went to Sydney age 21 for a year. Met a girl and never came back. On the plus side we now have 2 grandchildren aged 10 & 6 and I go every year to see them. The ache never goes away that you can’t physically hug or touch them and I feel flat when I return for a while but life out there is better for them.

I so know how you are feeling! My daughter, husband and twin grandchildren left end of Oct 17 to live in New Zealand and I am counting down the sleeps until I can fly out soon! Agree with Grannyl, book a flight as soon as!

My DD at 21 decided to move to Devon from Middlesex (Surrey), time for her to stretch her wings, she did move with friends & then found here own flat.

I had to remember that I had moved DD when I met DH from Lancashire to Middlesex, taking her away from her GPs, she is DM's only GC.

2 moves later I now live in Devon, about 11 miles from DD & DGSs, do I see a lot of them - no, but we do talk every day or two. I can understand the heartbreak of DC moving abroad, I brought DD up to be independent & knew she would fly the nest just as I did.

Whatsapp... free calls assuming wifi, asynchronous messages, ability to send snaps. And you know when they're alive because it tells you when they were online last :P
My eldest is in Canada, I know the syndrome; sending you hugs.

for all of you who have children living permanently abroad - my DD lives five minutes drive away but my DS lives five hours drive away and I cry every time he leaves! He went to Australia for his gap year and I was so hoping he wouldn’t stay.
You have all done a great job bringing up such confident and capable young people.
Minxie if you can possibly afford it book that flight, then you can count down the days, and in the meantime fill your diary with happy/useful things.

Both my elder children went off traveling alone, to the other side of the world, aged nearly 19, before university. I cried all the way home from the airport. My son then had to defer a second year after an accident abroad, came home, got better and set off for a second year in the Antipodes after winning £1,500 in the first month of the National Lottery. My daughter completed her degree, worked to save up and set off to the Far East. On her own again. I cried most of the way home then too. But they came back eventually, got jobs eventually and knuckled down.
You will feel better in a few weeks minxie and enjoy the emails, knowing he is enjoying life.
Incidentally my youngest didn’t want to go travelling, said she would never leave me, met a New Zealander in London and has now been gone for 15 years?

Hope you are feeling a bit better. I always sobbed when leaving mine at uni, not just the first time but every time. I found I soon got a grip and life goes on and it is lovely to hear about their adventures. I hope he has a wonderful 2 years.

Oh dear this is such a heartfelt thread
Like so many others my "baby" (son now 40!) has lived in Scandinavia for most of the last 15 years with his wife and 2 children. Have seen them most years when they visited Oz & have visited them quite a few times but this is getting harder as the kids get older due to Scandinavian schools taking a very dim view of taking kids out of school outside holiday periods. I try to take comfort in the fact that they have a great life in a beautiful and safe country but I still miss them & know that I do not have the same close relationship that I have with my 5 Oz grandchildren. Its an awfully long way from southern Australia to Scandinavia. But I would find it even harder if they lived in an unsafe or unstable country.
I find Viber on my phone a great way to catch up and we have set up various msg chat groups which has made a big difference in keeping my son in the family conversation loop & for expressing parenting frustrations with his siblings and enjoying family jokes.
It comes into the"it is what it is " category but it's hard. Sympathsize with all the UK parents whose offspring end up in Oz. We really do live in a global world now.

That 1st taste of empty nest syndrome always hurts ?

My son went to the USA to marry twelve years ago. He is settled there and happy with his wife and my only two grandchildren . I usually see them once a year but I am sad inside about it and I know just how you all feel.

At least you will see him again. I will never see mine ever again.
Let him go and enjoy his life Australia is for the young, my nephew took his family to Perth they love it.

Both my dds went travelling for extended periods. The elder 'fell' into her current career (aid sector) whilst abroad, and although she visited occasionally, didn't come back to the UK to live for around 10 years.

I just thanked heaven for email - what would we have done without it? But then Dh and I had lived and worked abroad for many years - pre email and overseas phone calls being a regular Thing at all - so we were used to the idea. Our own parents had to manage with just the odd letter and very occasional phone call.

Of course I missed her very much, but the only time I really found it dreadfully hard was when she was on the phone from the other side of the world, in tears and in a dreadful state because of some wretched boyfriend. So far away and there was nothing I could do but listen and try to offer comfort that her misery would pass eventually - as indeed it did.

She met her future (Brit) husband while working in the aid sector in SE Asia after a catastrophic natural disaster. . So that was one very happy outcome, and I know she wouldn't go back and do anything differently - she had so many wonderful and interesting experiences and met so many different lovely people, with many of whom she's still in touch.
Having said all that, I'm sure I'd be sad inside if she and SIl ever decided to move permanently overseas - especially since there are now two little Gdcs - but I hope I would try not to let it show too much, or make them feel bad on my account.

I don’t often comment on any posts but can really relate to this one. I come from a family background where children just move up the road & are popping in and out all the time. With both my grown up children now living at opposite ends of the world, USA & America, it looks to them (and they often said it) that I must have done something wrong as my children don’t want to be living next door to me!! I always say, like some others on here, that I brought them up to be independent young men who are capable and confident of living where they choose and standing on their own two feet. I do miss them but am in regular contact so I’m still involved in their lives, without having to deal with the day to day dramas that can occur. I love them to bits but they have their own lives. As parents we have got to let them go, chances are they will come back, but if they don’t, be happy for them.

ah, I really feel for you. I have gone through similar situations with my son. One of my friends' sons also went to australia for a year, but came back much sooner as he was homesick. Chin up, get busy with your own life, and before you know it he will be back. It is hard having children when this happens, but look forward to his calls, skype, et al. Sending you massive hugs.

Some years ago I was invited to take part in a TV discussion programme called The Time, The Place, with John Stapleton, on the subject of the Empty Nest Syndrome. I was completely amazed by a mother who practically used her grown-up son's bedroom as a shrine, keeping it exactly as it had been and sitting on his bed crying when she missed him. I just wanted my children to grow up independent and adventurous and to leave home so that I could seize all the wonderful opportunities there are these days for 'older' women. We all have our own lives to lead and I'm loving mine. Try:
www.womenwelcomewomen.uk/article/home.aspx
And of course: www.u3a.org.uk/

I’m sitting here having just returned from 5 weeks in Australia visiting my youngest DD and family, pining and missing them so much there is a void in my life when I return. On the bright side they have a truly wonderful life it really is worlds away to life in England. I’m feeling your pain whilst feeling mine.Your son will have an amazing time I met loads of lovely people from all over the world. Technology today helps you keep in touch so easily.

Yggdrasil I agree with your sentiments and am relieved I am not alone in thinking this way. When my eldest left for uni all my friends were saying goes how aweful I must feel, how sad etc. They were shocked when I said that I had brought my kids up to be independent adults and this was the start of that progress. I now have a grandchild who lives not too far away but not too close to asked for regular childcare and my oh and I can enjoy some adult time again.

minxie, how lucky you are to have had him for a whole 25 years. Both of mine flew the nest just under 20. One was within commutable distance and the other left the country. What a wonderful opportunity for your son. Feed on that and be glad.

Enjoy the peace and quiet.
My daughter left home at eighteen to go backpacking in Australia.
My husband and myself breathed a sigh of relief.
We returned home after dropping her of at airport to a mountain of clothes and rubbish left behind in her room.
It was so nice to get the bedroom back to a decent state.
Also, at 25years old he is not a baby. Let him go.

Like Villamartin452 my heart is firmly umbilical corded to Australia (if you see what I mean).
my son was stolen from me by a beautiful, intelligent, blonde haired Ozzie girl. I now have two very tech savvy Australian dgc and have visited several times. I can recommend Xmas on the Sydney northern beaches even I have to save up all year for it ?!

I sympathise so much with all these comments. My daughter left to study in California 30 years ago, and is still there married to a lovely American. Skype and emails are wonderful, although it has just been banned in Dubai where my younger son is and I miss seeing my grandchildren. My other son is in Ukraine, so as someone else has said: what did we do to make them all leave us? I think the answer is that we brought them up to be independent and we can't complain when they are. We have had lots of lovely holidays as a result, but now getting older makes it more difficult to fly long haul.

No matter how old they get they are still your baby. How hard it must feel for you and your Dad. He will ring soon and will have lots to tell you. Start saving to go and visit him. Hr has a wonderful opportunity try to be happy for him. I recall dropping off my dd when she went to uni at 18 and I knew deep down she would come back to visit but would make her home in uni city. I remember leaving her with a smile then driving to next car park and crying for 20mins before I could drive home. It will get easier.

My son went travelling when he was 21, this was before internet and smart phones so I relied on letters and postcards. He spent a couple of months high in the Himalayas living with a local family so no contact then, a bit disconcerting as I usually had something every couple of weeks. He also got caught up in a landslide on Mount Ararat, had to be rescued by helicopter. He got caught up in a shooting at the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem and generally had an exciting time. He met loads of different people and a number of times someone would turn up on my doorstep saying they had met my son somewhere in the world, sometimes they stayed a day or two, sometimes just for a coffee or a meal.

He visited lots of different places, met his wife and didn't settle down until his son started school, they even took my grandson backpacking round India when he was 18 months old after he had all his jabs.

I still have all the letters he sent me so can relive all his adventures with him, sometimes the old fashioned ways of communication can be so much better than now.