The secret to a long and happy marriage.

Wife: "Do you think I've put on weight?"
Husband: "No, I think the living room has shrunk"

I think a man and a woman is the strongest socio economic unit that has been devised. And if they can get along at all , making lots of compromises, I think they are doing very well.
The only suggestion I have is to use a 5ft duvet on a 4ft 6 bed so you both have lots of cover.
Apart from that it's just luck.

Or a 6ft bed with two single duvets!

These are great - making me laugh out loud! Always good.

The perfect marriage is two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other

A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car.
‘What’s up?’ says the driver.
‘Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,’ says the policeman.
‘Thank goodness for that,’ says the driver. ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’

I so needed a laugh and you’ve all given me one. . Superb.

A foursome were playing golf when a hearse and funeral cars passed by. One of the four stopped playing and taking his cap off bowed his head.
One of the others said, that was very kind of you, did you know the deceased?
Oh think nothing of it she was a good and faithful wife to me for over 40 years .
Going off the point now!!

The longest sentence begins with two words... “ I do”.

Or there was the man who explained that his happy marriage had started with the agreement that he would make all the big decisions and his wife the rest. Fortunately, he said, in fifty years I have never had to make a big decision.

My Dad's favourite response to my Mum (married almost 70 years) was "If you say so, it is so". Then he shut up!

Being able to grunt and he knows exactly what you mean, that's a marriage

One husband was heard to say, we have a perfect working relationship.
She makes all the easy decisions and I make the difficult ones. For example she decides where we live , where we go on holiday, where the children go to school how we spent our income etc.
So what do you decide said his friend,
Oh should we have joined the common market, should we join the euro, should we leave Europe, should we have nuclear weapons. All the important matters we have to decide.

We-or rather I-always say, having been committed Christians for many years we try to live our lives according to God's word which says that the husband should have the final word. . . . And, boom, boom, DH says "yes dear".

We share the bed half and half. I have the middle half and he has a quarter either side

Marriage is not just a word..............it's a sentence.

We comes before I in wedding.

These are so funny really made me smile.

Marriage is just two people constantly asking each other what they want to eat, until one of them dies!

I told my husband some time ago about the Chinese way - Happy Wife Happy Life. He tries bless him.

One of my all time favourites

Brilliant Bathsheba

'That's got to be the best one so far Bathsheba

Brilliant!

This has to be the best thread ever. It is terrific. Keep ‘em coming.

At a medical check-up:

Do you do dangerous sports?

Well, sometimes I talk back at my wife.