The secret to a long and happy marriage.

So many I have never heard before. Great.

At a Golden Wedding celebration, someone walked up the husband and said in amazement '50 years married, were you never tempted to divorce?' The reply was: 'Divorce? never. Murder? frequently'

I didn’t realise this was an old thread when I started reading and had some nice chuckles. Post that revived it is obviously some kind of weird advertising though.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ditto allotments

Man caves are just ‘naughty steps’ for husbands.

At a medical check-up:

Do you do dangerous sports?

Well, sometimes I talk back at my wife.

This has to be the best thread ever. It is terrific. Keep ‘em coming.

Brilliant!

'That's got to be the best one so far Bathsheba

Brilliant Bathsheba

One of my all time favourites

I told my husband some time ago about the Chinese way - Happy Wife Happy Life. He tries bless him.

Marriage is just two people constantly asking each other what they want to eat, until one of them dies!

These are so funny really made me smile.

We comes before I in wedding.

Marriage is not just a word..............it's a sentence.

We share the bed half and half. I have the middle half and he has a quarter either side

We-or rather I-always say, having been committed Christians for many years we try to live our lives according to God's word which says that the husband should have the final word. . . . And, boom, boom, DH says "yes dear".

One husband was heard to say, we have a perfect working relationship.
She makes all the easy decisions and I make the difficult ones. For example she decides where we live , where we go on holiday, where the children go to school how we spent our income etc.
So what do you decide said his friend,
Oh should we have joined the common market, should we join the euro, should we leave Europe, should we have nuclear weapons. All the important matters we have to decide.

Being able to grunt and he knows exactly what you mean, that's a marriage

Or there was the man who explained that his happy marriage had started with the agreement that he would make all the big decisions and his wife the rest. Fortunately, he said, in fifty years I have never had to make a big decision.

My Dad's favourite response to my Mum (married almost 70 years) was "If you say so, it is so". Then he shut up!

The longest sentence begins with two words... “ I do”.

A foursome were playing golf when a hearse and funeral cars passed by. One of the four stopped playing and taking his cap off bowed his head.
One of the others said, that was very kind of you, did you know the deceased?
Oh think nothing of it she was a good and faithful wife to me for over 40 years .
Going off the point now!!

I so needed a laugh and you’ve all given me one. . Superb.