HOW YOU LIFE CAN CHANGE IN A MATTER OF HOURS

Emelle How I agree with you My two daughters behave like that. In fact I would go as far as to say one of them tries to bully me if I do not fall in with her wishes. So I have backed away and feel we have a very superficial relationship now.

Oh I am so sorry for you. Over 30 years ago my own mother accused us of hsrming our daughter ..our daughter represented the county at Judo and had many training sessions a week etc etc, so bruises were part of life(not loads of them though) ....I insisted we left the house(we were on holiday there) and drove straight home... not to talk for 6 weeks until my dad rang up and asked me to talk to my mum... we picked up from there ... so give yourself space and then make contact, perhaps pop round with flowers...hope this soon resolves itself. Hugs

Dear travelsafar, I think after a few days when you feel slightly better, you can send a little note of apology, that will help I am sure.
Sending hugs xx

I think your DiL is making a mountain out of a molehill. This business of having to tread on eggshells with adult children seems overdone recently. We all have opinions and as family members we should be able to express them. I think your son should be having a word with his wife about this punishment meted out. fancy stopping your GD from spending time with you. Have they not considered her in this matter? I am known as the mouse which roared among my three children and we all express opinions and do not fall out. I certainly would not be apologising for such a remark. They should be apologising to you! i am so sorry for you.

I feel out with my daughters awful partner in June, the whole summer was awful, l miss my two grandchildren very much, as the 8 year l have seen almost everyday of her life. I have tolerated him for 10 years l should have made my feeling clear 10 years ago. However l do not want to speak to him ever again l detest him , l am glad he is out of my life. BUT the 8 year and l have paid the price. I do see her but she is under his infulance and wants to keep the peace so will not engage with me to much. I have told my daughter this is abuse but she is another one who placades him. Awful man. I will sit my time out but for travelsofar maybe you feel you cant.

blossom14 - It is good to know I am not the only one. Now the GC are at school I feel as though I have been discarded , surplus to requirements. Last weeks incident was the straw that broke the camel's back so I too am backing away. I have to confess to being ashamed that the DDs are so selfish. It's not how they were brought up but I do feel they are typical of the 'Snowflake Generation'.

Anniel you may be correct but I think you are very lucky not to understand what the OP is going through. You clearly have not come across controlling DiLs as many of us on here have. What is DS supposed to do in this situation, he can't really choose his mum over his wife. Please try to understand how hard it is.

travelsofar

On the face of it, it seems rather extreme of your daughter in law and son to react so badly to your comments, even if it was perhaps a little unwise of you to voice them. I can understand, though, that you were concerned about their financial situation, which I think is quite natural.

If you can put your hand on your heart and say that you very rarely interfere in their lives, I would give it a little time and hope things sort themselves out.

However, if on reflection you find you are in the habit of giving unasked for opinions on matters that are not your business, perhaps you should consider apologising.

I am very sympathetic but if you've known her for eighteen years I'm sure it will blow over. Unfortunately the rules for our generation as MILs are open your pocket but close your mouth. Not really easy as we are are all thinking intelligent women with both experience and opinions but I am slowly learning . I think that just like being a mother is a learning curve, so is being both a grandmother and a mother in law. Sit back a bit and I'm sure it will settle down.

Perhaps send a little note or telephone to say you didn't mean it to come across the way that it did, but that you can now see it's none of your business & you won't be passing anymore comments about how they live their lives. But PLEASE don't Grovel,if they can't accept a civil apology then it speaks volumes about their attitude, they will probably need you sooner than you need them. Good luck

So sorry, thinking of you x

maggiemay
Quote. dil has decided I have always disliked her. continually disliked ?or never liked ? your point being?

Sorry to hear you are so troubled. I think the advice to wait a while before doing anything may be very sound, as long as you don't wait too long.

By this I mean wait till you can talk about it without crying,

I have an unruly tongue and have often found that it helps, not to grovel or make an insincere apology, but to apologise for unintentionally having stepped over the line or said something hurtful. After all, you were expressing concern, weren't you, but it unfortunately was taken as criticism or as you poking your nose in, which I am sure you did not mean to do.

I would not myself wait more than a few days before sending such an apology, because in my family the situation is very likely to harden if I leave things longer than that, but your family may be different, so you are the best judge of when the approach should be made.

Not knowing your family, I don't know whether you would be better to approach your DIL or your DS or whether anyone else in the family can help out or not. It is probably wisest not to involve other members of the family, as if you do, your DIL and DS can say you are going behind their backs and that will just make things worse.

I hope you can sort this out and that you all can agree that you perhaps did speak out of turn, but the reaction was a little misplaced as well.

Travelsofar....... just eat loads of apple pie. It might work -it might not. Good grief, people are so precious today. Surely it's not a crime to voice an opinion without OP getting all huffy and nasty.
Whatever you do do not send her flowers as someone has suggested.

I really feel for you. The same thing happened to me last October. My daughter-in-law has stopped me from seeing my grandchildren, because she took offence at something
I 'd said to her, which I can't go into here. This is her way of punishing me. My son is obviously siding with her, although he has brought the children over (only twice), since then. There seems no resolution to the situation and it is truly heartbreaking. I wish you luck.

Expressing opinions can be a dangerous thing and you obviously hit a nerve there. I would be prepared to say sorry for any hurt feelings that had unintentionally been caused. Will they really carry out their half term threat? If they work it might cause them problems let alone the disappointment to a grandchild who expected to spend time with you.

I think Luckygirl and Anya are suggesting good ideas.

travelsafar - how I feel for you. A number of years ago when GD2 was a baby and then a toddler she came to us several days a week. Then there was a problem (that I won't go into) and I thought she was never going to be left alone with us again. I was devastated, numb, it felt life had ended for me but eventually the problem was resolved and we were allowed to look after her again. I hope you and your family can resolve this.

I'm sure in time your family will get over this falling out , it's in their interest to do so. It does seem an extreme reaction to your "expressing an opinion" however. Have you expressed your opinion/s before though and this was the last straw. As grandparents we might see our grown up children doing things we wouldn't do ,but quite honestly we should keep our noses out . Unless your grandchildren are at risk or its something illegal , keep your thoughts as thoughts . Basically it's none of our business .

My daughter got the huff with me some years ago as her eldest son was working on the oil rigs but wanted to go to uni to do a degree in Japanese. He came round to discuss it with me and I neither encouraged or discouraged him, but we discussed the pros and cons, with me stressing that his parents only wanted the best for him. My darling daughter thought I had encouraged him and felt that as he obviously trusted me I should have knocked the idea firmly on the head. She is now extremely proud of him for getting his degree and is reconciled to the fact that he hopes to work in Japan. My daughter forgave me years ago.

I understand how you're feeling. A similar thing happened to me this year. It stuns and numbs you and it's frightening. It feels permanent but I want to encourage you it can resolve. It has in my case after a little time passed. I thought I had lost a precious relationship forever. It can come right. Keep your chin up and, as others have said, be kind to yourself.

Is it remotely possible to make light of it? A hug /wee bunch of flowers and an apology for being out of line but don’t grovel. An “oops, I know I was out of life, caught me on a bad day, don’t take me seriously, of course it’s none of my business “all said with a friendly smile. Try to keep it light so oh what a shame DGD won’t be coming at half term and let it go at that. Don’t let her make an issue of it!
She needs a face saving way to back down and if you can remain pleasant, friendly and act as if it isn’t that big a deal, she may well think better of it once she faces the logistics of coping with half term without your help.
If you are making heavy weather of it, then she may feel painted into a corner and won’t want to “lose face”.
If she carries out the threat you could always arrange an alternative awayday just for yourselves.

How is the daughter in law controlling? She objects to Her and her husbands money managing being criticised .

And to say her husband should have a word with her!

Travelsafar Good advise on here from Anya & MawBroon and others. Don't leave it to feaster, get it resolved by this weekend. Like Luckylegs9 I too have been 'cut out' of my beloveds lives, 5yrs for me To go from being a big part of their lives, seeing twice per week, all that mutual love & affection, to never seeing, hearing or anything from them again, is a nightmare on earth!! I couldn't even tell you why, no argument, no criticism, or even advise from me. Only thing I can say is jealousy!
I did all the apologizing, [for what??] mediation, nothing worked. So it needs dealing with now & fast, so you don't end up where I am, 5yrs down the line, with no hope! Do whatever it takes

I like what Eloethan said, a brilliant approach. Try that after giving DiL plenty of time to cool.