HOW YOU LIFE CAN CHANGE IN A MATTER OF HOURS

travelsafar I am so sorry. Whatever the source of disagreement that sparked this, it seems sadly extreme and so hurtful. I hope that there can be further communication between you that will help to mend things in time. But perhaps you all need a little distance just to process what has happened. Try to be gentle with yourself and not to let 'worst case scenarios' play on your mind too much. Sometimes things need to be aired. Let the lovely people here support you and give yourself time to look at what happened as objectively as possible. There will be many who can empathise with the raw hurt you are feeling, but it may yet have a better outcome than you fear.

I'm sorry you've had this falling out with your family travelasfar hopefully things will calm down soon and you can build bridges. Try not to stress too much and don't let it grow in your mind to be worse than it is. Make the first move if necessary to keep the lines of communication open. Good luck.

I am so sorry to hear this Travelasfar.
A very long time ago, a similar thing happened with my MIL. She made a remark about my DH and I having plenty of money, when in fact we were struggling badly. Unknown to her I was struggling with post natal depression, her innocent comment triggered something in me, I completely lost it and stormed out of the house because I took offence.
Sometimes, as seemingly innocent comment can be the catalyst to open the floodgates of some other underlying worry.
It took weeks for me to go back and apologise and for the first time ever, my MIL opened her arms and hugged me.
Please take a step back and give everyone time to calm down.
I am sure you will be able to resolve this.

I'm so sorry. travelsfar, I know that sick feeling from different life issues, it will pass but it's horrible while it's there. Others will be better placed than I to give advice but I hope it helps to be listened to and to know others feel for you. I don't know what I would do in your shoes other than try to be kind to myself, seek as much support as I could and leave the door open to my family. Maybe give it a couple of weeks and message or send a card to both your son and daughter in law, tell them you love them both and ask if a chat with them both together is possible. I'm not sure if you live alone or if you have a partner or husband, if so could they or another trusted family member perhaps mediate? Don't give up, it's very early days and change is possible.

Thank you to everyone who taken time to respond.My head is all over the place at the moment so i think the idea of taking a little time is wise i am too upset to actually speak to them i think i would just cry.

Oh, travelsafar. I'm so sorry to hear about this, and I hope the situation will resolve itself given a bit of time. How was your relationship in general before this happened? Perhaps you did just catch them at a bad moment, or hit a nerve, as happened with Marydoll.

Could you perhaps think another way about the opinion you expressed?
Instead of thinking "all I did was express an opinion" could you instead think "I expressed an opinion and they found it really hurtful even though I didn't mean it that way, perhaps I should apologise"
Sometimes something is said which really touches a nerve, and people over react, particularly as others have said, if you caught them at a bad moment.

What a sad situation for you. I am not surprised you are feeling so distressed.

Maybe write an apology - say you were out of order and state very clearly that you know that they have the right as adults to deal with their finances, and indeed their lives, as they see fit. And that you have no intention of making such a comment in future. Tell them it has been a hard lesson, but that you love them all dearly and want more than anything to restore good relations.

It can do no harm.

Tincture of time should work its magic. Sorry. Gone all metaphorical there. I mean it's all very soon after a bit of a blow up. I'm sure that they'll calm down and be glad to get your relationship with them back on an even keel. I remember having a big row with my parents when expecting my second baby. We just cut contact for a few weeks. I didn’t see them again until the day the baby was born. Things were OK after that but I suspect they bit their tongues a bit. Good luck!

Sorry you've had this blow but probably it will pass as you haven't got a history of falling out with DIL.
Every time I hear police and ambulance sirens wailing I think, "Somebody's life has just ended, or changed forever, and the lives of all their family too."
This row shouldn't last long if you handle it right.

Have known DIL over 18years and never fallen out in the past watermeadow thats why it has hit me so hard.

Travelsafar i m so sorry, your stomach must be churning
if you ve always got on well with your daughter in law then either you hit a nerve, or expressed it clumsily, or came across as reprimanding her I would definitely take a break and send an heartfelt apology explaining that you probably spoke out of turn and will not say any more
Let’s hope it was a knee jerk reaction by her and time will calm her down
Good luck

Try not to let it get you down. I do know that's easier said than done though. Things might be very different this time next week.

My DMIL's instinctive reaction to the news that I was expecting DC3 was "But you can't afford three children!". I was in a good mood that day and just rolled my eyes and laughed. On a bad day I would have stormed out. I'm sure she regretted the words as soon as she said them, and she was a fantastic grandma to all our children! As others have said, things may well look different when the waters have settled.

I think maybe you hit the nail on the head and they did not like it and reacted badly but to be honest it really is not your business and you should not have said it.
Think it maybe but not say it .
It's a rule I stick to and it works well. I
Don't do anything yet it may all blow over and they need you for school holiday cover.

Before you contact make sure you think things through. People and families are different and it can be difficult dealing Witt people who think things appropriate when you do not. It can lead to a lot of lip biting. You say you gave your opinion, but the definition of giving your opinion unasked when it is different to what someone is doing is “criticism”. If you are in the habit of giving your opinion this way, your son and DIL may have been feeling your (well meant) criticism for a long time, and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Of course this may be very far from the case, but if it isn’t and you approach them like this is a one off your lack of self-awareness may annoy them even more.

I'm a bit gobsmacked by the number of posters advising you to grovel and make an abject apology. There seems to be a lot of living in fear of offending DC regardless of whether they are being totally unreasonable or not. You obviously hit a nerve - maybe DS and DIL had had words on the subject before and you are now reaping the consequences. I would take a very deep breath and stand back. I guess having DGC for half term was doing them a favour as well as being good for you so they will probably think again in the cold light of day.

I think you are entitled to your opinion , but maybe they reacted without thinking and time will calm things

Hopefully this will blow over. Sometimes things flare up without anyone expecting that they would. It sounds like tempers raised, and threats were made. I hope you can sort it all out, and put it behind you.

I can really sympathise with this because what you said is what I often think about my son and dil. However I made a rule to myself that I'd never ever voice opinions to them, as I did once many years ago and it backfired but could have been an lot worse. So now I just sound off to a close friend and get it out of my system that way.
I do hope it settles down, even if you have to apologise and I'm sure they will need you and won't deprive you of your grandchild.

Travelsafer I completely understand how you are feeling, our DIL stopped speaking to us for reasons unknown to us and even our DS. This went on for over 6months, we have known her since she was 17 even gave her a home and treated her like an extra daughter (we already have one).
Tried asking she walked out of her house wouldn't answer our phone calls. In the end we gave her space still seeing DS and DGC when she wasn't around.
Then last week I phoned expecting our son to answer but she did and it was as though nothing had been wrong, she was chatty and friendly, we have decided to just carry on as if the last 6 months had not happened.
I hope Travelsafer that everything was just a blip in your life and DIL and DS come back with DG to see you when they have thought about the things said. I cannot give you any advice as I am still trying to understand what went wrong with our family.
It is easy for people to say don't worry or for you to apologize (only you can decide on that point).
Big hugs as I'm sure you need them xx

I feel for you travelsafar. These things blow up and the pain is horrendous. This has happened to me frequently with DS's ex, for example, when I dropped off DGDs at her house one day, DS had brought DGS from football at the same time. She threatened police and took photos on her phone complaining that DS was not allowed on her street and screaming I was not to go there ever again!!

After a sleepless night, distraught and crying (me) she rang the next day asking me to pick up DGD from school as if nothing had happened! I have learned to stay calm, keep quiet and ignore her reactions to anything.

I have also since found out she has fallen out with friends and family and then made up on numerous occasions. People are very different in how they live their lives and how they cope with things. I sincerely hope that things work out for you too with your DS and DiL so that you can retain your relationship with your DGD.

I do not think it is a case of "grovelling" - it is simply a case of the OP realising that she was in the wrong and saying so. Of course this comment just slipped out - how many of us have done this and wished we had bitten our tongues!? - and unfortunately it hit a raw nerve.

It takes courage to admit you were wrong and say so - it is not grovelling; it is what we taught our children and teach our DGC - if you have done wrong, then say sorry.

It is the way to go if you want to get things back on an even keel. No place here for righteous indignation and pride.

Nip this in the bud. This is where texts come into their own. Send them a joint text, simply say ‘I don’t know what on earth came over me. Your finances are none of my business and I think I was having a senior moment. Love you all xx’