Bad dreams

I would say this is fairly normal, fear of losing those you love. When you have just acquired a GC you want to protect it from all ills.

Hello and welcome to GN.

I don't have bad dreams but I can't read or watch anything about child abductions or cruelty since becoming a grandmother 6 years ago. We are far more cautious when looking after our two boys than we were as parents.

I hope your bad dreams go away soon.

Didn't have these dreams as a grandmother but I can remember very similar worry dreams during my first pregnancy and the first three months of DS's life.

They express, I think, our love for our DC and DGC and hyper sensitivity to anything that might endanger their welfare.

They will eventually fade away and stop.

Congratulations on being a grandmother don't worry too much as it'll take the pleasure out of having a grandchild. I think in today's age it's only natural to feel apprehensive and hopefully these feelings will start to reduce and you'll feel better. I'm very aware now to keep my grandchildren in sight at all times. The little darlings just love to run run and run and this granny cannot keep up with a 2 year old. You'll get a real pleasure from your grandchildren just keep loving them and loving them, it's such a pleasure.

I remember vividly that when I first became a grandmother, I had such a strong feeling of helplessness.
Suddenly here was a new little person who I loved every bit as much as my own babies, but there was nothing I could do, other than offer to help from time to time.
Like you, I don't live close to any of my grandchildren and I've got used now to this feeling of having to just trust that my kids are good parents and let them get on with it. It's not that I think I could do better, it's just strange that after being mum for so long, I have to let someone else do it.
I expect that time will help and, like me, you'll get accustomed to a new role.
C'est la vie!

I agree totally with what others have said about it being related to your overwhelming love and desire to protect those close to you. When my own children were little I used to regularly dream that I had left one of them at the shops or park etc, which I eventually took as a reassurance that I was very much aware of the need NOT to do this!! As they got older these dreams occasionally transferred to our guinea pigs of which we had lots at one point.. I remember a quite vivid dream that they had escaped under the garden fence and into the neighbours garden!!
Please don't worry - I too avoid watching the news in general, I have absolutely no capacity to hear or see stories of all the suffering in the world. Keep busy and enjoy your family.

I had a screaming nightmare during the night, it happened after my DIL had her car written off outside of school. Neither DIL or GC were in the car but another minute and they would have been. My only GC could have been injured or worse, no wonder I had nightmares.

Hello. I'm new on site too. I remember vividly when I first became a mother I became very upset about children being mistreated, starving etc, related it all to my own in a much more vivid way. My way of coping was to donate to a children's charity. Now I'm a grandmother I just hope for the best. Fortunately my son and his wife are excellent parents.

Hello Havemercy, I am a first-time-around-granny too , GC now 18 months. I haven't had bad dreams, but what surprised and somewhat overwhelmed me at first was the sense of how physically and emotionally connected with my GC I felt. Might sound daft, but the 'love' that rushes in - a love just as fiercely and protectively strong as for my own children - brought with it such unexpected joy, but also an awareness that as a grandparent I don't have the same influence and 'control'. How this beautiful person develops and hopefully thrives really isn't in my keeping and that in itself can cause a bit of anxiety. I quickly learned - with the helpful advice of more experienced grandparents here - that I had to adjust to this territory - not something any 'granny-to-be-book prepares you for Eighteen months on, I am calmer! I see a happy little boy in a loving home and even though I can see that my DD and SIL have some 'different' ideas about raising their child, borne of the different times we live in, the intrinsic values are the same.
I wish you every joy in this new phase in your life xx

Each time I have a new grandchild I go through a few weeks of having bad dreams about forgetting to feed it or check it's breathing etc (even though it's not even my responsibility!). Was the same when my own children were new babies. But as the child grows bigger and stronger the dreams stop.

Life is too short to have it blighted by groundless, irrational worries. Focus on the positives, and on the blessings that flow from the privilege of being a Grandparent. If these strange nightmares continue, consider going for psychological counselling.

It's normal I think. My husband gets so worried about our grandchildren. When he heard the other day that our five year old was allowed to play outside, he said he felt like driving to her house just to watch her. He was not like this with our children, only the grandchildren.

Nightmares are our subconscious way of dealing with our conscience worries! It is perfectly natural.

Though disconcerting it is the way we keep ourselves safe by our dreams. Our brains are more active on a night than we realise.

I suggest you write down all about the dreams letting the pen flow and it will take it into your conscience worries you aren't processing in the day.

Keep doing this everyday and when they occur and the nightmares should get less.

Writing at anytime is a powerful tool. When we write we remove the hamsters wheel of our waking and sleeping thoughts. It works for me.

It's a tool Ì learnt to use in therapy as I too suffer from horrible dreams. Mine are related to the past and my life story.

Its something I do in general life as well as when I have dreams. It helps me get a balance and awareness on what is happening.

No one has to see it and you can shred and bin afterwards. If they continue as strongly then you may need to see a specialist therapist however this should help.

As you are clearly a sensitive person then it maybe something you always have to deal with. They may come up in times your GC is I'll, going away, starting school etc. as you are inclined this way. I hope this helps

When pregnant with first child had dreams/nightmares of child dying from cot death in carrycot by front door. Never left carrycot there and thankfully we were moving three weeks later. Once born never had the problem again.

hi please tell me how I can change my username.....

Coke, you could use the Contact Us link at the bottom of the page and ask the admins. Or you could probably just make a new account with your preferred name, if you don't get help from the admins.

Not bad dreams as such, but I get moments of panic and fear.
I agree with Imperfect over whelming love but not having the same control that I had with my own children.
I know there will be at time when my DGC are older I will no longer be around (popped my clogs) this makes me anxious that will not be able to help them .

I go through periods of having really awful nightmares Havemercy (welcome to GN btw). Usually when I am particularly stressed about something or extra hot in bed.

For some time after my mum died (last year) I had horrible nightmares involving her. Too awful and vivid to even tell anyone. My mum wouldn't have hurt a fly either which made them all the more disturbing.

Also around the time when Madeleine McCann first went missing, I had an awful re-occurring nightmare that my little granddaughter had been taken from a caravan. It was so vivid and truly awful. I could actually see her being carried out of the door and through a caravan park ! I think as others have said we love them so much our minds sometimes torture us into imagining the worst.

There is something very depressing about a lot of the Gransnet posts, although I am sure people are genuinely trying to help each other through difficult times.

I think, however, that dwelling on a myriad of problems and reading about every other problem under the sun can cause anxiety levels to rise rather than decrease.

A trouble shared is one thing. But then, when you are showered with tales of woe from dozens or even hundreds of other people,it is all too much to digest.

Sometimes a chat with one trusted close friend or relation will allay fears. I'm not sure social media is really the medium in which to air all one's troubles so I am probably going to unsubscribe to Gransnet.

I shall miss some of the wit and humour but I don't think I'll miss all the gloom and doom, especially when it comes from very young Gransnetters. Surely they should be on Mumsnet!

Au revoir and good luck Havemercy.

Jack {flowers}

Granset is a great forum for asking for the advice and sympathy we sometimes can't get from family and friends, for whatever reason. I think it's a bit mean to say the tone of posts is depressing: the sisterhood is an important prop to those going through difficulties. I hope when we read of Gransnetters's problems we send out vibes, if not prayers of compassion. To Havemercy: my daughter lets her kids post letters in a box a few yards from their house on a main road. I have nightmares about a paedophile spotting them and stopping to drag them into a car; I also worry my grandson will be attacked when he uses adult urinals in the seaside town where I live. When I confided my fears to a friend, she understood perfectly. Perhaps the increased media coverage of child abuse is to blame for us dwelling on these fears. Try to trust that all will be well.

I know you are probably no longer around to read this jack but I think your post is a wee bit unfair.

Personally I have had genuine help and advice from some gransnetters that I could never had got anywhere else! I have a tiny family and almost no real friends to talk to. If you don't like to read gloomy threads it's easy to move off them.

Sorry to see anyone leave though.

Dear havemercy, congrats on becoming a grandmother.

I find that the older I get, the more the horrible things that can happen worry me and upset me when I hear about them. I think this is part of growing older, as DH is the same and so are my cousins.

I think your nightmares will stop soon, I surely hope so, as they are as others have said, your brain working through something while you sleep.

Try not to worry about all the horrible things that might happen, after all they probably never will happen.

We've stopped listening to the news in the evening and try not to watch documentaries about violence or the kind of films we have found give us nightmares just before bedtime. We have found this minimizes nightmares, but they do still occur.

When you waken up from one of these horrible dreams, try remembering all the really good things that have happened to your children and think that all these nice things are waiting for your grandchild, too.

I think the late GN member Jack talking about being ^showered with tales of woe* completely misunderstands what we are doing.

The OP was concerned about dreams she has had since her DGC was born.I among others said, yes we have had dreams like that do not worry they will pass, which is the opposite of a tale of woe.

Similarly, elsewhere other people post with what to them are insurmountable problems, or problems nobody else they know has and they get support, advice and company from other GN members, who can say that they too have had the same problem or can point to places for advice and support.

Not everyone has a trusted friend or family member to talk to. Sometimes you do not want the TF or FM to know your problem, or possibly they are the problem.

GN offers anonymity through your username and the opportunity to draw on the wisdom and experience of people in walks of life you would normally never meet.

showered with tales of woe? Rubbish!

Very true, MOnica. I have been so consoled to know that other people have similar problems. I'm afraid of my granddaughters drowning, as they swim so much.