Bad dreams

Welcome to grandparent-hood. I cannot believe I let my two kids run free and a little wild...without a scary thought about them...but my grandkids!! I continuously worry about cars, bad people,riding their bikes, what they eat, what they read,what their friends are like, are the friends parents ok!! It's continuous worrying. And it's all because we know more about the bad stuff than we used to. Kids are vulnerable yes.... but so much more able to cope than we think. Please.... try to enjoy your new status as a grandma... warn then , but don't scare them . Childhood is so short , let them go as slow with it as is possible, they slip away faster it seems than our kids did. My grandson is 10 and is growing away from cuddles.... my granddaughter is 5 so still needs one. But I know it goes too quickly for worrying about what MIGHT happen! Take a deep breath...dive in...and ENJOY!

I guess we all can feel anxious about those we love, as I'm sure they do about us at times. Grandma60 my DD and family now live off grid in rural Spain and drive over here about twice a year in and old car so I recognise your concerns, and this after travelling around Europe & N Africa for a year in a motorhome.
Yet it was last summer when home for a family party my oldest DGS, then 9, fell from a swing in the garden and ended up having emergency neurosurgery in the middle of the night to save his life! The worst few days of our lives but he's done amazingly well since and last week his Dad did a 100k night cycle and raised £2,000 for the amazing Alder Hey Children's Hospital to whom we are so grateful.
I really try now not to worry about the 'what ifs' and just try and make the most of the times we can be together, especially as they're so close to my DS's little ones and there are lots of tears when they have to part.
Having said that my youngest DS and his girlfriend are off to Australia for 6 months in Decemebr and I keep reading about those spiders!!!

I hope, Havemercy, that you are helped by these reassurances.
I would add that it would be helpful to think about time, as it is unclear how old your GC is, and how long the nightmares have gone on for. I would give it all a few months, it would be normal for them to become less frequent, less intense and probably go by about a year.
It may also be helpful to confide in someone sensible & trusted.
If they persist, get worse, or interfere with your daily life, then it may be helpful to seek some counselling to help you understand what is going on.

Good luck

Thank you Inga I look back and see the nightmares as premonitions of my future life without my beloved Children

Wow Yogagirl I am so sorry to hear that But I don't think it's connected to your dreams since I too had similar nightmares and nothing happened to mine

Whilst brining my 3 small children up in Holland, I too had recurring nightmares that I lost my C. One was on a train, getting off to find one of my C still on the train as it left. Another, I would search and search for my lost C, in little villages, never finding them This nightmare has now come true as along with losing my two GC, I have also lost my two AC, all of which I loved with all of my heart and soul and did nothing to warrant this loss

What an awfully sad world we live in W11girl . If that is what you have to do for your own peace of mind, then so be it. You must be a lovely caring mum and mum in law.

W11girl I am so sorry, a horrid worry for you. Your solution is brilliant.

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I know how you feel. I don't have nightmares but live in constant fear of my son and son-in-law being "gay-bashed" or worse. They have been together 11 years and in a civil partnership for 8 years. Both have been attacked separately during this time. It really is a constant nightmare that I will receive a phone call that I won't want to hear. I phone and text them constantly just to say"hello" this is the only way I can check that they are both alright without them knowing that I am afraid for them.

To coke - I changed my username after one post where I received some abuse which kept on coming. I contacted the Gransnet team who sorted it out for me straightaway.

I think it's normal to worry like this.

My Granddaughter is ten but I still fret. She is used to it though. She knows that I worry too much about her and is really sweet about it.

Your feelings are very real. The relationship with a grandchild is a precious one and the desire to protect is overwhelming.

My scary thing about the grandchildren was that they would somehow fall through a very high window or balcony. Think it must be tied into how helpless they are and totally dependent.

Havemercy,
As a mother of three, grandmother of four and fellow 'worry wort', I've had my fair share of fear and foreboding.

Unfortunately, our anxieties have a way of turning up in our dreams. As grandchildren multiply and grow up relatively unscathed, you eventually realize the futility of all that needless worry.

Keep in mind that the internet has a way of magnifying the frequency of the most dire incidents, as do the movies and television. It may ease your mind to know that in spite of all the alarmist news reports, the statistics are still in your favor.

That means that regardless of all the media hype, your grandchild's odds of averting foul play and living to a ripe old age are more likely than not. So, congratulations, be optimistic that everything is going to be OK and enjoy your beautiful, new grandchild!

As lots of others have said I am sure this is not unusual, a feeling of responsibility but no actual control it is difficult to come to terms with during the day let alone in the wee small hours. I hope it stops as time goes on but of course mums and grans never really stop worrying over DC and DGC and DGD too of course.

My daughter spends a lot time driving the grandchildren up and down the motorway to the various clubs and classes that they attend. She is a very capable driver but I still can't help worrying about them being involved in an accident.

When our son was a toddler, my husband who is usually a very rational man kept having a nightmare that he was chasing our son along The Cobb at Lyme Regis but was unable to catch him and he fell off the end into the sea. This effected him so much that he refused to visit there for several years.

As others have said it is normal to be anxious about a beloved grandchild that (unlike your own child at that age) is not in your care!
However if it gets excessive (ie it is not warranted by observations of the care your GC is receiving) then do mention it to your GP as it could be an Anxiety Disorder possibly based on a traumatic experience in your own childhood or early motherhood experience. We typically experience things for a reason.

Thank you all for your lovely messages - I feel better already knowing that I am not alone!!!! What a fabulous resource this is - I am so glad I found it.

It's normal to worry about GC you love them but don't have same control you had over your children hope nightmares stop soon have mercy and congratulations on becoming a grandma enjoy!!!!

Very true, MOnica. I have been so consoled to know that other people have similar problems. I'm afraid of my granddaughters drowning, as they swim so much.

I think the late GN member Jack talking about being ^showered with tales of woe* completely misunderstands what we are doing.

The OP was concerned about dreams she has had since her DGC was born.I among others said, yes we have had dreams like that do not worry they will pass, which is the opposite of a tale of woe.

Similarly, elsewhere other people post with what to them are insurmountable problems, or problems nobody else they know has and they get support, advice and company from other GN members, who can say that they too have had the same problem or can point to places for advice and support.

Not everyone has a trusted friend or family member to talk to. Sometimes you do not want the TF or FM to know your problem, or possibly they are the problem.

GN offers anonymity through your username and the opportunity to draw on the wisdom and experience of people in walks of life you would normally never meet.

showered with tales of woe? Rubbish!

Dear havemercy, congrats on becoming a grandmother.

I find that the older I get, the more the horrible things that can happen worry me and upset me when I hear about them. I think this is part of growing older, as DH is the same and so are my cousins.

I think your nightmares will stop soon, I surely hope so, as they are as others have said, your brain working through something while you sleep.

Try not to worry about all the horrible things that might happen, after all they probably never will happen.

We've stopped listening to the news in the evening and try not to watch documentaries about violence or the kind of films we have found give us nightmares just before bedtime. We have found this minimizes nightmares, but they do still occur.

When you waken up from one of these horrible dreams, try remembering all the really good things that have happened to your children and think that all these nice things are waiting for your grandchild, too.

I know you are probably no longer around to read this jack but I think your post is a wee bit unfair.

Personally I have had genuine help and advice from some gransnetters that I could never had got anywhere else! I have a tiny family and almost no real friends to talk to. If you don't like to read gloomy threads it's easy to move off them.

Sorry to see anyone leave though.

Granset is a great forum for asking for the advice and sympathy we sometimes can't get from family and friends, for whatever reason. I think it's a bit mean to say the tone of posts is depressing: the sisterhood is an important prop to those going through difficulties. I hope when we read of Gransnetters's problems we send out vibes, if not prayers of compassion. To Havemercy: my daughter lets her kids post letters in a box a few yards from their house on a main road. I have nightmares about a paedophile spotting them and stopping to drag them into a car; I also worry my grandson will be attacked when he uses adult urinals in the seaside town where I live. When I confided my fears to a friend, she understood perfectly. Perhaps the increased media coverage of child abuse is to blame for us dwelling on these fears. Try to trust that all will be well.

There is something very depressing about a lot of the Gransnet posts, although I am sure people are genuinely trying to help each other through difficult times.

I think, however, that dwelling on a myriad of problems and reading about every other problem under the sun can cause anxiety levels to rise rather than decrease.

A trouble shared is one thing. But then, when you are showered with tales of woe from dozens or even hundreds of other people,it is all too much to digest.

Sometimes a chat with one trusted close friend or relation will allay fears. I'm not sure social media is really the medium in which to air all one's troubles so I am probably going to unsubscribe to Gransnet.

I shall miss some of the wit and humour but I don't think I'll miss all the gloom and doom, especially when it comes from very young Gransnetters. Surely they should be on Mumsnet!

Au revoir and good luck Havemercy.

Jack {flowers}