How do you cope with guilt & regret as you move towards old age?

I think the best advice I ever got on this point is when I was struggling after my divorce. Intellectually I knew we had both stayed in a bad marriage way past its expiration date. We did it for many reasons including the fact that we loved each other very much even when it was obvious that we were not good for each other. When we did eventually divorce I was simultaneously struggling with the loss of the relationship and with the loss of so many years. The advice I got on the first point was: list all the reasons you had for the divorce, put it in writing and read it when you doubt it was the right thing to do. I soon discovered that what I was grieving was not the relationship I had, but the relationship we wanted and never been able to forge. The advice I got on the second part was to list all the reasons I had to stay married that long. Surprisingly I was finally able to recall at least some good times we had together and as a family. I could finally look with fondness over those years and a sense of serenity that the decision I made to stay was based on who we both were at the time.
Since then I have applied this to many of my regrets and found some peace and forgiveness. There are things I know I have done wrong and been able to accept that without the ifs and buts and apologize, sometimes, sadly, while standing over a grave. But even for those, there is some sense of closure.

Try to believe that you did your best at the time and try not yo punosh yourself now.

Try to believe that you did your best at the time and try not to punish yourself now.

Dear Bee, as you can see, many (most?) of us here share your feelings to one degree or another. Here's something I copied and pinned on my kitchen pinboard: 'You may wish that you had made different choices, but guess what? That wish is never going to be granted. So live the life you've actually got' - Graham Norton (!). There's also a poem I find helpful, called 'She let go', you'll find it on line, it's quite long. It's stuck to the front of my fridge (yes, it is getting a bit crowded in there). I read it out loud when I'm feeling low/stressed. Be kind to yourself.

What a lovely sentiment TyneAngel and I can see why you keep the poem 'she let go' to hand. Simple words such as these can help when sad thoughts and feelings are rushing around our head and we realise that we can let them go, albeit with effort. Bee I hope that you too can reach a place where you can accept that the past has happened and let it go now, don't let it hold you back. Enjoy the present and look forward to the future and the new and happy memories you are in the process of making. Good luck in your journey Bee.

I have few regrets as I can honestly say I always did what felt right at the time. I was quite prepared to listen to others but the final choice had to be mine. After the divorce I managed to bring up 5 children as a single mum and they all seem to have survived the experience and gone on to have happy families.

How I envy you Aslemma! I suppose it is those of us who don't always feel we did what was right at the time who live with guilt and regrets. Other factors were in play, other reasons came to the fore. Life and human nature can be a bitch sometimes, and it's those actions that can come back to bite you in the wee small hours.