Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

If you lot had taken the time to look outside in the yard where the empties go, I have set up an area for a weekend festival I am calling Gopherbury, the reason being that by late Sunday I bet you will all be stinking as much as our beloved Gordon. I did wash the wig by the way but the ferret smell made it rank very quickly in the sun, anyway it's my wig and if I want to keep its ginger hue by storing it in the urinals overnight I think that is my business.
Festival rules needed as I've provided the venue and hung up the silver jubilee bunting I found in the cupboard and the old and possibly dangerous Christmas tree lights

Yippee I've just found some packets of peanuts with the cardboard backing, you know the ones with the semi nude ladies on,under the sink and as you lot won't be able to read the best before date I will give them to everyone free who comes to the festival this weekend. I also have an idea for a bowl of punch made out of all the half empty bottles I have found on the top shelf, think I'll call Menopaws Medicine. Well you did employ me to clear up this joint and after the festival I will give it a good spring clean and get in some decent stock

Menopause how can you make a punch from the half empty bottles?There are NEVER any half empty (or full, depending on your outlook on life). Chewy, Roses and I usually finish off any dregs. I suspect Ana and Anya are involved too.
Once Bella returns from her time away, I'm sure she will also help with the " recycling"

Trying to book The Wurzels as the headline act.....still under negotiation. Can we run to a tenner?

That's a bit expensive don't you think? Even with a whip round, I don't think you will manage to get enough.
Ruby Lady has lots of Tenas, do you think she might donate one?

The Wurzels? £10? blimey that's a lot of dosh. I have a friend of a friend of a friend who knows Ken Dodd and he only demands £5 a night plus a quick flickround with a tickling stick, and a packet of pork scratchings

We could just play the album instead and Ken could do the visuals, that might work. Now for the big news .....drum roll please.......I can now confirm that the Argy Allstars Morris Dancers have agreed to appear for expenses only!! Plus their laydees' division are going to do a turn round the maypole. Just need to find maypole.

ooohh a festival
ken dodd is still around .are the diddymen too?
memories of one of the funnest nights of my misspent youth
kd and a few of monty python boys.kind of a spontanious show at a club.
have a great and garrulous weekend.

We don't need a Maypole. We have one in the cellar left from the disastrous pole dancing evening. You remember, the one where the hunky firefighter had to extricate Chewy from a very difficult position.

mary doll thats wonderful.

<slams the saloon doors back noisily and stands in the doorway, hands on copious hips, stub of a fag gripped between me teeth >.
Who, in their right mind, has booked Ken Dodd for a turn at the Argy Bargy Fest? Eh? Do you have any idea how long we'll be here once he gets on stage old orange crate? He goes on and on and on for bloody hours! If we have him; Marydoll will be asleep under the table again. Anya will be propped up against the bar like a living zombie and poor old Menopaws will be trying to clean the bar at 10 o'clock the next morning and Diddy will still be on the bloody stage! And not one of you has given a single thought to where my poor Gaston will sleep that night.
Rather have the Worzels can't believe I'm saying that .

You looking for a bunch of fives Marydoll ?

This is a photo of Marydoll at the last "do" we had.

And this is Marydoll and me cleaning the bar, before Menopaws kindly took over.

Chewy

So Marydoll you have never looked in that secret cupboard under the stairs, that's where I discovered the dubonnet,tia Maria ,grenadine , Pernod and Blue Nun(and she wasn't too happy I can tell you). Obviously the previous owner kept a few back from you. Anyway I have invited the lady under the stairs to the festival, she said she has been practising playing the spoons while she was in there.

Chewy good one!
The cigars suit you.

I just popped in for a very black coffee....last night was a blinder!
Have to take DGC to the fete, so may need a bevy or two later.Laters!

Chuckle Brothers would come in on budget........

Chew I've just volunteered Gunter on the 'Rabbit' thread. Hope that's OK? Very partial to a plate of Rabbit Ragoût myself (that's Rabbit Stew to our less well-educated customers)

KateK you go ahead and book them for tonight, will you?

roses 'last night was a blinder' ??? And Thursday night, Wednesday night, Tuesday night...........?????

I thought Gunter was a ferret/gopher? Not sure what he'd taste like....rather you than me!

Ana you been out in the sun too long?

Gustafson can catch the rabbits....that's the only sodding use I can think of for them. Nasty, smelling, long-toothed rodents.

Lucky the OP on the Rabbits thread is suffering a plague of them....rabbits not ferrets.

You want to watch that Graham - he'll be impregnating those rabbits like nobody's business and Lucky will end up with HYBRIDS!!!

A bit of a slur on Geraint I feel ( who is a very chaste and modest ferret )

DH and DS have taken DGC off to the fete, so I am free after all, to pop in here for a snifter, a double brandy with a top up of lemonade, ice cubes and a cherry please barkeep.?......and keep them coming.