Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

You havven't seen Gwynfor when he's around rabbits - there's no stopping him! You have been warned...

Mmm, that snifter sounds nice - think I'll have a couple as well but hold the ice cubes (don't want to water it down too much!)

Is this muzac festivally thingy still going ahead? Bettering that sad outdoor hoedown wotsit in Glazeonbury, we could hold our own rival barndance in the pigpen.

My dad has regular groups play at his retirement home every Monday afternoon, there's 'Wirelessfeet','Lolling Bones', The Electric Zimmers, Plastic Mac. We could even provide glamping, there's that tent the boy scouts left behind when it got blown down in the Great Storm of 1982 - it's got a couple of rips in it - but that can be put down to air conditioning. I reckons Ken Dodd and the Wurzels would really rock the joing as well...

Hello. Is this the Argy Bargy cafe? Who are all you lot? I thought this would be full of all the usual suspects from the politics threads. You're all too nice, drunk but nice!
Oh well. I'll just strap on my armour and tin hat and be off back there. Well, I'll maybe have a quick snifter to fortify myself before the fray.
PS I know I shouldn't be talking about another thread but this is the Argy Bargy cafe so we could argue about that?!

We never mention the 'p' word in here Jane! Let that be a warning - or Chewy will set her ferrets on you...

Chuckle Brothers en route- had a bit of a problem with the tandem but they've got the chain back on now. Get your laughing muscles ready girls!!

Ferrets hold no fears for me. Lovely little things. Quite low in calories too depending on how they are cooked of course...
Hmmm. Think I'll stick around. They'll only be going on about poor old Theresa May destroyer of the civilised World. Would be nice to have a change.
The Chuckle brothers eh - To you to me etc

And your tenas

Oh dear, there is bit of a problem. When the Chuckle Brothers heard a rumour that some of the grans from the politics thread were going to gatecrash the cafe and that Chewy was doing her pole dance routine just before their act, they decided to ditch the tandem and take the fast train back to Yorkshire. "No amount of money could compensate for that trauma", they were quoted as saying.
Has anyone got any bright ideas for entertainment at such short notice?

Oh just get the amazing farting Gran back. She may have extended her repertoire after last night's curry pie and cabbage.

Marydoll...... I am very disappointed, I was looking forward to seeing them( didn't realise they were still alive tbh) but luckily I rang somebody I know, and at short notice we have a guest act.....who will be here any minute, so please put your hands together for ....tada! Jeremy Corbyn! Fresh from his act at Glastonbury and raring to wow us with his speech.
Whaaaaaa......come back you lot this minute ( the bar empties as I watch) never seen grans move so fast, a bit of a surprise really, now there is only me and Greta the ferret to welcome him.

How VERY dare you suggest eating my Gwillym Jane10? Low in calories? Slow cooked? I'll see you round the back!

......now the ferret has vanished too!

roses, quick get the bouncers, there's a stampede of punters rushing to get out! What on earth possessed you to get Jeremy Corbyn in to do a turn tonight? Haven't we got enough trouble with Jane10 threatening to slow roast Gerard; Marydoll trying to get it on with one of the Chuckle Brothers and Bo bringing in a band on zimmer frames?

Oi! No bleeding politics in this place. I've heard two Very Important Names mentioned....Jane10 wash your mouth out (the gin is in the bottle labelled GN) and Rose & Chew ditto. Let's keep this clean laydees or before we know it we will be invaded by them from the P thread.

Those with a political opinion will you please leave them on the hook behind the door along with religion, old wives tales and your wellies. You may collect them on the way out.

PS Gertie is up the tree in the back yard.

Well, let's hope she's not up the duff as well! All these ferrets and gophers running wild - I think they've been at the pickled eggs as well, there are tooth marks in the only two left in the jar...

That's Roses leaving the lid off again....I take your pint point Ana it has to be Gloria as I don't think anyone else has a full set of gnashers.

That reminds me....will all you laydees please check the lost property box. You'd be astounded what's managed to find its way there....

May I dare to offer an opinion Its 'not a political opinion.? I think that there is only ferret, *Chewey's Glen, the ferret. It's the drink making you all see double, triple, quadruple ferrets.
Don,t shout me down. A night of sobriety may do us all some good. Give it some thought, while I visit the cupboard under the stairs to have a gin to do a spot of tidying up.

The lost property box is under the stairs Mary Check it out while you are 'tidying up' - I'd be grateful if the owner of 'Charlie's ashes' could take them home forthwith.

Sorreee Anya , didn't mean to lower the tone of your esteemed gin joint saloon.
My Gandalph cannot possibly be pregnant. For starters, he's a hob, not a jill. Secondly, he's had his nuts removed. Other than that, he's a perfectly formed ferret or he was until Marydoll sat on him*. And he did *not eat all the pickled eggs. That was Ana. She was showing off about how many she could store in her mouth without chewing them and when she got to 19, she swallowed all but 2. She put those 2 back in the jar. mucky madam

When is this woman who sings from her rear end coming on to do her turn? If she doesn't hurry up, Marydoll will have drunk the place dry.

Just in case our "entertainment" doesn't turn up tonight, I bring you this.

youtu.be/uV8boXLV0ik

Just had a text- farting Gran can't make it. She had a bit of an accident trying to light her roll up-paramedics say she'll be fine but face down for a week or so. Saw ad on FB lost and found, think it could be Grayson but as he's not wearing a frock in the pic it's hard to tell.

Farting gran sent her grandson Katek. See above! He's ever so um..... interesting.

Well.......oo-er missus! Don't think he quite hit the F#.....

Who's nicked the fire extinguisher? I've a feeling we might need it.