Death

This is probably as good as any, although hopefully we all have a bit left in us yet

I think we should talk about death more,I have no problems talking about it ,we accept it as part of life in my family even my small grandaughter is very matter of fact about it,well her other gran has a couple of care homes so she sees people she knows die quite often.I think thats healthy though,she's not frightened or worried about death like so many people are

My mother-in-law died aged 92 having for the previous five or more years said that she wanted to die and why didn't 'they' out her out of her misery. My father also died in his nineties having been kept alive far longer than he wanted. I don't want this to happen to me. I want to stay in control of my life and be in control of my death, but at the moment the law makes this very difficult. I am only 73 but I think we should think about what we want in our final years while we still have the ability to do so, and make a plan, and talk about it with our families. Death should not a hidden away and ignored. When my mother-in-law said she wanted to die, her closest family said 'don't be silly; of course you don't'. How can we change that attitude?

I have a living will ( discussed with kids)

I'll happily talk about death, I certainly don't want to live too long. I can't afford to live at my present standard after 80, so that's when I'm hoping to kick it!
I certainly don't want my children to be under any pressure to look after me, especially if I have any type of dementia.

Lona: You say that as if you think you have the situation under control.I don't think we have that control and I would like to see the law changed so that when we reach the point when we think we are losing our minds, or can't live the way we want any more for one reason or another, we can go to the doctor and ask for help to end our lives

Celia Of course I have no control, but I can hope! (Knew I should have put a grin!)

I'd like the right to choose my time if it's appropriate. I'm not asking to play God, if I have an accident or a heart attack so be it but if I have an illness or am really old and tired of life, give me that injection.

I agree with Celia that the instant denial when someone says they want to die is annoying as well as silly. I strongly believe that assisted dying, where the person who wants to die has control till the end, is the way to go and that we need to change the law to make it available to those who want it. Those last five words are important: anyone who doesn't want it is not in danger of being euthanised if the law is properly made. Several other places in the world already have assisted dying laws in place, some have had them for quite a few years, so it's easy for research to be done on how well such systems work.

Walking back from town this afternoon, I saw a poster on one of the Churches, advertising a talk on "Death, Dying and Funerals", I think I might go along and have a listen.

So far, it's not been possible to get a law passed to allow terminally ill people, near the point of death, to have an assisted death.
So how likely is it that such a thing will become available to people who are not at the point of death but just feel it's time to go?

Good idea for a party manifesto next time, possibly?

Unlikely FarNorth sorry to say

It's good to see that I am not the only one thinking about this. I agree it is going to be difficult to get the law changed but i think the tide is turning in favour of assisted death for terminally ill people and once that happens it gives us a way in to assisted dying generally. I seriously annoys me that we have to talk about being 'allowed' to end our own lives. No-one 'allowed' us to do any of the other major things in our lives. Why do they think we need permission to die decently and painlessly instead of being forced into some dangerous and possibly calamitous method?

Lona I am 80 next month and I still have a lot of living to do.
While I am reasonably fit and enjoying SOME aspects of life I want to carry on , but accept my time is limited now and have told my D what I want to happen re funeral. As her views are the same as mine I can't see a problem.
I am not worried at all about dying, just being in pain and distress.

My dad used to say it's time I was gone from the age of 65 - he was 89 when he finally got his wish but by then had had dementia for the last 5 years of his life. My mum was 92 and spent the last 3 years of her life in care also with dementia. I don't think about when the time comes too often but hope that when it does I've still got all my faculties and will be in my own home - pretty unlikely but I can live in hope

I think it should be the choice of the person to make the decision of what they decree is the 'point ' in their illness when they want life to end. However, I also see that it would be hard for anyone be they medical or another specialist of some form who had to ' do ' the job so to speak. Imagine them coming home from work to be asked ' Good day darling ?'
' Yes dear - got rid of twelve today. What's for supper ! ' ( Apologies for my black humour )

I agree it should be down to the individual to 'have a say' in deciding at which point in their life they want to die. My mother had bowel cancer and died aged 80 but so wanted to be at peace long before this. My father died at 89 he had a brain tumour which for the last year badly affected his 'personality' prior to this he was a true gentlemen, in rare lucid moments he'd say he wanted to die, it was heartbreaking. I would so like to decide my own time. They say people are living longer and some are needing expensive care. I don't think any of us want to be a burden on our families or the caring professions, we should be allowed to decide when and in what circumstances enough is enough.

We should be allowed to choose to die. It seems ridiculous to not allow this when social care and hospitals are struggling with bed blockers. Why are we made to struggle on? I think if any government were to have the courage to ask us, there would be many like me who want the right to choose
I tell my kids to take me to the vet when I become gaga or past it!

I agree but where does it all begin and end and who does the assisting. I think its easy to talk in general terms about this but it must be very difficult to organise in an ethical way.

But several places have organised it in an ethical way so their knowledge can be tapped.

Google: Dignity in Dying, and also: My Death My Decision. There's also Exit International - all honourable and ethical. Get our outdated laws about assisted dying changed as they have in Oregon and many other places. Morgana - you've put it in a nutshell. Check out death cafes too, where you can freely discuss this still-taboo subject with other people. Angela1961 - that's not how it works. It is always the patient's decision whether to take the medication, so Alzheimers etc people are tragically excluded as they don't have the capacity to make a choice.

I have paid for my funeral, 'mum's clock and collect' i shall be whisked off and cremated and notput anyone to any inconvenience at all. If they want to do anything at a time to suit themselves that is fine.

I think people need to die a little every day by sorting things out so that other people don't have masses of old knickers and paperwork to sort through. It is just polite to tidy as you go if possible.

Same for relationships sort things out now before it is too late.

I would much prefer to go while I am strong and able to do things as I please, no religious stuff, not blasted tibetan singing bowls, crystals and other mumbo jumbo much beloved by new agey people (I live in Glastonbury it is hard to avoid such things) just let me go in peace.

Radicalnan, I'm with you in my hope to be whisked off to the Cremmy without previous knowledge of anyone other than my 2 Ss. I'm working along this path as gradually but persistently as I can. Gentle massage is reaping dividends. However...... I do feel we could make a practical start by limiting the use of undertaking services. In my humble opinion huge rip-offs take place in this arena at a time when people are hugely emotionally vulnerable. I'm not a great fan of nationalisation in any shape or form but this is my one exception. Anyone who wished to 'push the boat out' (forgive..!!) please feel free to do so. 'nuff sed'