Son's rent. WWYD?

Well I would cut my losses and stop texting him what food he wants and just get what you and OH want/need ! He isn't at home much so forget it till he moves back home ? Get a list of prices from the laundrette and stick it on the washing machine , take the bulb out of his room ........... just kidding with the last few ideas !!

What a piss-taker.

Get him to take out a standing order for a fair rent.You can work out what this would be by going on a rental agency website and seeing what a room in a shared house would be. You could discount it, as you don't want to make a profit out of him. He can pay £5-10 a week towards bread, milk and basics, and the rest of his food he pays for himself.

Stop doing his washing and ironing - if you are mad enough to still be doing it.

If he really earns very little, then you can negotiate a reduction out of love and kindness. If he spends time away from home, then that's his choice - but you can't start further discounting his rent.

We had all three of our kids spend a year or two at home after they graduated, earning but not much, and we charged them a cheap rent.

I think it's normal to expect some realistic contribution. Don't be a mug!

And texting him what food he wants?!

No way!

Hi Marion - he is taking a chance ... I've never heard of nor experienced internet banking being down unless they are doing maintenance which is usually at the dead of night on a weekend. So that's an excuse not to pay you, and I would suspect the other reasons for not paying rent are too.

I'm sure he's a lovely man but he needs to pay his rent, or move out. 20% all in is a good deal.

Strongly agree with everyone's comments, we all love out children, but the time comes when we have to give them the kindest love of all & stop wiping their bottoms for them & force them to take responsibility !! It's hard at times but worth it & if you think about it he needs you more than you need him so you should call the shots good luck . I will read this to myself every time I'm faced with a similar quandary ?

And please, please stop asking him what he wants you to buy for him...no wonder he takes you for granted!

I d stop worrying about getting special food in he can find what he needs or buy his own, but I wouldn't bother with rent either if he's barely there As long as he pays for his own things like phone, petrol, clothes etc I d really just let him come and go and let him do his own washing, basically he s on the way to moving out isn't he? He ll be gone before you can blink then you ll miss him it's only a transitional period for most kids obviously if he's still there in five years rethink Its really hard for young people to save enough to move out nowadays no harm in giving them a helping hand in my mind

Standing order for the agreed rent. If he is not there that is just tough - if you rent from a landlord, then you do not stop paying if you go on holiday or into someone else's place for the night. If he does not let you know that he will be home for a meal, then he'll have to scratch round for something to eat himself.

Who knows, this might push him into the arms of his girlfriend and he will go and stay there!

I never took rent of either of my children ,my mother never took it off us when we were young,she always said we'd have bills to pay soon enough when we had homes of our own .My daughter got engaged and left to live with her partner when she was 18 my son only left at Christmas ,he was 28 and his daughter also lives (still lives) with us.I felt he had enough to pay his car that he needs for work,his phone ditto and his child support payments to his ex which seem to go up on a weekly basis PLUS all her other demands for hundreds of pounds for christmas and birthdays and holiday clothes etc etc etc .So we were/are happy to help with his expenses to ease the stress .He'll take full charge of his wee girl when he and his new partner have had some time to themselves though he has her when his shifts allow and always drives her the 12 miles to school

Thanks everyone. He does pay everymonth just very reluctantly. It's about £200 which I regard as fair.

His requests on shopping are always the same, 5 ready meals to stick in the microwave at work and orange juice. He's cheap to run!

As for washing, once all 3 of mine started high school they were shown how to use the washer and left to their own devices. What is this ironing of which you speak?

I appreciate what you mean about not reducing it but I feel that I'm being unfair.

So what are you saying in reply to the OP, paddyann?

That she should let her son walk all over her just because you never charged your own children rent to live at home...?

I do hope your son appreciates what you do for him Paddyann, it fine to do all what you do if you are happy to do so & your son is respectfully & grateful. Marion's situation sounds a bit different & like she is being taken for granted by him & in turn treating him more as if he was a much younger child

I'm not sure why you think he's walking all over me Ana? Because of his working hours I rarely cook for him, he does his own washing and I get him what he wants in an online shop, which his rent easily covers.

Probably because you OP sounded worse than your latest post

Well, you said that every month was a struggle, and your OP did seem to indicate that your son was not cooperating with regard to the agreement you had regarding his rent.

Sorry if I've got that wrong.

Loved the "what is this ironing of which you speak?" No.2 son arrived home on Wednesday evening from Dubai, jetted off to Spain at 5am Thursday after asking if I could possibly iron his shirt for the wedding (not his) next weekend.
Now...........where did I put the iron?

if he's not there most of the time and he's not eating there why would she charge him rent?

I think adult children who are still living at home and not in full time education should pay their way. We a are giving them a quite unrealistic view of the world if everything is given to them. My children paid a third of their income on board and lodge so this was fair whatever their earnings. Even if you save the money to help them later with house deposit etc they are paying their way. I think £200 may be a bit much if he is not there often but if you reduce it then he can't expect to have his food order supplied.

I still do a fair amount of washing for my DS,DDiL and the children and often get presented with a black sack of the worst stuff. I don't mind in the slightest really as I know how hard it is for them working full time, 3 little ones etc. I wouldn't dream of taking any money from them for the service.

In answer to the OP if your son is barely ever at home could you not cut the rent down to reflect this? He is your son after all and not a private tenant or lodger. I'm afraid I have never taken money from my kids for board. My DD went to uni away from home and only came home for a year before moving out full time. My son left home and moved in with his girlfriend at 20 (he was still an apprentice and on the breadline) if anything I paid him to help him out, not the other way around.

Nowadays there's a generation of young adults living with parents for financial reasons, but I suspect it is often also for an easy life avoid of responsibility. Letting them treat it as a hotel does them no favours for living in the real world, assuming they don't stay for ever

I'm afraid I agree with paddyann if he's not there, why charge him at all? Unless of course you were hoping to rent out his room to a private lodger in which case he will have to make up his mind where he wants to be.

What about looking at prices of local B&B and going from there if they charge £35 per night or £50 a night sit down with him and ask him if on the night he stays at home he should pay this price. Then he can buy ALL his own food and may even decide to finally move in with the girlfriend she probably feels her food bill etc has gone up whilst yours maybe going down.

Go to the bank ask for a standing order form stand over him while he fills it in and drop it into the bank simple

Every family is different and you should just go with what feels right for you. If you can afford it then I would be tempted to cut him some slack. Either that or put a proportion of the £200 into an account and give it back to him when he's needing cash for a flat/house deposit. For what it is worth, we don't charge our 23 year old any rent (he just pays for own car/ phone and picks up extras from supermarket most days). However, I know that he is saving the bulk of his salary to help buy a house in the future; might think differently if he was blowing it all!