No regrets? Or too many to mention ?

If it saves one from having to live with such a regret then I am glad I opened up.

for all living with painful regrets. Please be kind to yourselves.

Oh Annie, {{{hugs}}} and peace.

Making my mum cry and not going to her to appologise or comfort her. Makes me feel like crying right now.

There are some big decisions I made in the past, where I wish I hadn't made the decision I did, but like NanaandGrampy I accept that what is past is gone and cannot be changed and the best thing is to make the most of life you have and not waste time on regrets.

Yes It is so hard to cope with regrets, yet there are times when we have to be true to ourselves, I was brought up to ' never let the sun go down on your wrath' consequently I spent a big part of my adult life putting up with or taking the blame , just in case something 'happened ' to a loved one , it still worries & panicks me if I think I have parted from a loved one in less than an positive way.

So thoughtful and generous of you Annie to share your story, it can't have been an easy post for you to write. Thank you. Your love for your husband shines through and this is what really matters.

I was being true to myself, I was cross, there must be so many who do similar , but for me there was no chance to make up, this is why I have said, if it helps one not to do as I did then I am glad I opened up . If you are angry just calm down enough to say take care , or whatever you choose.

all who have said they are troubled, talk to someone please.

We all have regrets and reading through these helps me to know that I'm certainly not alone in that. Some of mine are downright embarrassing so I'll leave them in that dark corner of my mind where they are stored.
Annie

I think the problem with regrets is that "hindsight is a wonderful thing!" At the time we behaved in a certain way or did things we look back on and regret, we acted as we saw things at the time - in that situation. We look back with much more life experience and realise what we could have done differently - maybe with a better outcome. As several people have said the past is the past so there is nothing we can change - just learn by our experiences I guess.

Years go I was visiting my mum in her 70s who lived in another part of the country when she said quietly that she didn't think she'd be here much longer. I joked about it, where was she planning to go ha ha. I think I knew what she meant, but I didn't know what to say and so I laughed it off. A few months later she died before I'd seen her again. If only I had given her the chance to talk, ask her things

I have a fairly recent one. I have a new neighbour who has very severe mental health problems. She has started coming to me when she has a bit of a crisis which I find a bit difficult but I do feel very sorry for her because when she is stable she is very nice but a bit naïve and vulnerable. She can also be annoying, things like ringing my entry phone in the early hours of the morning.
Two nights ago she did that at 3.30 a.m. She was ringing it continually and hammering on the door, screaming and wailing (which she does quite often). I had taken an antihistamine which I take to help me sleep and had only fallen asleep about an hour before so my mind was very sluggish. She did then get in (I think she often does have her key when she does it). She came to my door and was leaning on my doorbell and hammering on the door while still wailing loudly. I have seen her be aggressive with other people and she did once have her boyfriend in a headlock in the parking lot at the front of the flats and she seemed so out of control that I didn't want to open the door. She went downstairs but then came up and started it again. I called an ambulance and got up. A few minutes later a police car turned up, then 2 more (a neighbour nearby had called them). The ambulance never did come which I think was unfortunate. The police waited outside for 2 hours until she stopped making the noises and then came in and talked to her.
They came back the next day and I overheard them ask her if she wanted to report her boyfriend for GBH and it was obvious that he had beaten her up.
I feel guilty that I didn't let her in as she obviously just needed someone in that moment and I don't really believe that she would be violent towards me. I thought she was having an episode which do make her very frightened (she came to me once asking what had happened and she thought she was possessed by her late sister (who may or may not be real). She was also scared by the lights in the sky and would not believe that they were aeroplanes.
I veer between not wanting to be her go to person and wanting to be the person who would want that.
Her next door neighbours have gone away because they can't cope with it (they are in their late 80s) and the woman next door to me is in her mid 80s an also can't cope. They want me to complain to the Council.
I haven't slept for the last 2 nights and I am worried that my insomnia is back as I have CFS and without sleep I end up not doing anything.
Sorry this is a bit long and rambling.

Having regrets shows you are a good person, I salute you all. I regret that I didn't give my mother enough attention in her old age. This has led me not to expect too much from my children, so I don't make demands on them. If there is survival of the individual after death I intend to tell my mother ( in fact I do still talk to her after her death) that I apologise for my selfish behaviour.

Jaycee5 your neighbour obviously needs more than you can give her. Don't feel bad about what happened. You're vulnerable too, especially at that time of the day. Calling the emergency services was the best thing to do. It sounds like she'll always have troubles to cope with. Maybe ask the police to call social services to see if they can provide more help for her, which will give you peace of mind in return.

Annie? I think we all have regrets some which affect our lives , mine are small ones like wishing I had moved to Australia when I married my oh really wanted to go but I thought I would miss my parents too much on reflection I could have come home if I didn't settle but money was tight. I suppose we all have what ifs

Jaycee5, that is horrible for you but you could have only done what was right at the time. At least you called for help, many wouldn't have even done that. Annie, it reminds me of a of what the Nuns used to tell me when I was young, that an act of unkindness towards another might leave you with regrets if anything happens to them and you don't have the chance to apologise. I think they might have put it quite strongly but I'm only human and sometimes I can't shake that mood until much later, especially when I was younger. Thank you for sharing your story, I am going to try harder because it really made me think.
I regret being arrogant enough to think I could 'change' a psychopath through love and having 2 children with him. I should have thought about genetics, left the moment I realised how wrong I'd been which was when I was pregnant with the first child instead of spending the entire pregnancy in anxious tears, cowering but too terrified to leave. I don't recognise that woman now! I left when I was pregnant with the second child but by that time, between the two of us, we'd done untold emotional damage to my first born which I fear stays with her 30 years down the line. Don't get me wrong, I adore my children and don't regret them, I just regret their parentage.

Annie, my heart goes out to you; regret is a terrible thing to live with, but as others have said here you must have happy memories to think about too. My life is far from 'regret free' where the loved ones who are no longer here are concerned, but those loved ones would never want us to be unhappy. They would likely brush off the regrets and tell us to be happy; in our hearts we know that they wouldn't be resentful. I hope all of these posts help you over what is clearly a sad time for you at the moment.

Focus on your lives together, 1 tiny fleeting moment after an argument will only be forgiven when you forgive yourself, it doesn't matter it will never matter hold onto the laughter the love you had he would hate for you to hold onto that fleeting moment forever it just doesn't matter x

1 Not working hard enough at school to go to University.
2 First Marriage - too young to understand properly.
3 Tried naturism in late 40's and should have done it much sooner. Now too old for that sort of thing!

Of course I've made a lot of mistakes as have we all but then I haven't done too badly.

Kitspurr. Thanks. I tell myself that but I do wish that I had let her in as I know that I do calm her down. I spoke to the Police through the window and they told me to log it with the Council but I'm not going to do that yet, just keep a record in case I do have to. I did tell the Housing Officer soon after she moved in that I thought she was overwhelmed by the move and may need more help and she said that she would see if the tenant had a support worker and let her know. She is in her young 20s. It would be easier if she were older.

Rosina, not a sad time now, I don't dwell on it, it happened, but after nearly forty years I cannot dismiss the last time I saw my husband

Some huge personal and emotional regrets but two practical ones. Not having gone to university when I easily could have done and and not having made more effort to pass a driving test. Either or both would have made a big difference to my life, opened up opportunities.
Never mind, I expect other aspects I've enjoyed would not have happened!

No point in regrets really unless something can be done about them!

Not getting on with making a secure financial life for myself before settling down to marrying and having my family...
Not saving enough to buy a home of my own ...before settling down to marrying...and becoming a lifelong cook and cleaner
biggest regret...not getting there to tell Mum how thankful I was for everything...before she passed away in the early hours of an April Morning..that hurts most of all....

I believe we go the path we are meant to and even if we feel regret for not doing something, we were never actually meant to do it. I am embarking on an adventure and people have said that I will look back and wonder 'what if' if I don't do it. I am following the path I am meant to so will never be in the position where I wonder 'cos I know I have no choice...hahaha Gawd, I am getting all philosophical. This is what happens when I haven't had my first cup of coffee. Anyway, all of you have a lovely day and never regret anything... Oh and read desiderata...

Annie, a wise and salutary advice that I had vicariously through a friend. She had a row with her teenage daughter and didn't say goodbye as daughter left the house. Later that night her daughter was killed in a car crash, to make it worse the daughter was driving and the friend with her was also killed. How I feel deeply for that friend, so I always leave loved ones on a positive note, and them knowing that I love them unconditionally.

Sometimes I come near to regretting not marrying the man I should have married, but then I wouldn't be where I am today, happily in this paradise with the third man in my life!! Also I would have been a widow now.

I have had a varied and interesting life which I look back and think whoa what a ride. But most of all I could never wish away my DCs, who would not have been if I had married the other man.

Life is what you make it and it makes you.