Rubylady

Hi Rubylady, sorry to hear you are in a room on your own. I know you like to chat and be cheery, but at least you have your own 'facilities'. I hope GN's keep sending you jokes, sorry none from me, can never remember them. Everyone is rooting for you and your recovery. Take care, night , night, God bless.

Morning ruby hope you're in better spirits today. No joke yet another I'm afraid, still haven't come to properly. DIL's 40th yesterday and despite not drinking I feel as if I have a hangover! I think I talked myself to a standstill at her surprise party....her face was an absolute picture when she walked in! Hope things start moving towards your op after the weekend.

Yet another??? Predictive text gone mad-no idea where 'another' came from!

Hi Ruby,
Sorry to hear you're still being kept waiting, it must be mega frustrating for you, but at least you have a clean toilet!
A few one liners for you.....
I was standing at an ATM mavhine when an old lady asked me to help check her balance.....so I pushed her over!
I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, it was just gathering dust,
My husband told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down!
People used to laugh at me when I said I wanted to be a comedian, well, nobody's laughing now!
I've spent the last four years looking for my ex husband's killer, but no one will do it!
I refused to believe that my road worker father was a thief, but when I got home, all the signs were there!
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a donation to the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water!
A recent study has found that fat women live a lot longer than the men who mention it!
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it!
The first time I met my husband I knew he was a keeper, he was wearing massive gloves!
Dolphins are so clever that within a few weeks of living in captivity they can train people to stand at the side of their pool and feed them fish!

Off to make dinner now, hope I've cheered you up a tiny bit,

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course it can, houses can't jump at all

"Well David, how was school today?"
"It was great Mum, we made explosives in chemistry!"
"Sounds dangerous to me! What are you doing in school tomorrow?"
"What school?"

My dog's behaviour is getting worse, he keeps chasing people on a bike. It's so bad I've had to take his bike away.

Hi Ruby, hope it's not too frustrating in there. A new week tomorrow so I hope you get some news. It's nice to have your own room but you must miss the chat, so I hope you can walk about and talk to other people. Thanks to you this is a nice, cheerful thread with all the jokes. Keep your pecker up as someone said and when you have a chance pop in and tell us how things are going. X

just popped in to say 'Hi!' Ruby. Hope something happens soon but the longer you are there the more rubbish really funny jokes you are sent!

Not by me though, I can never remember the punch lines!

Hello Ruby - can't believe you're still in hospital - at least they've given you a room to yourself but hope you're able to get out of there to chat with other patients a little bit. Fingers crossed you get your op soon and the computer virus hasn't affected the hospital - thinking of you x

Hi Ruby! You must be climbing the walls in there! I hope they get something moving for you soon, and that you have a positive outcome. ??? ☀️.

Oh Ruby... bugger computers! I hope all will be back to normal for schedules soon. My SIL was lucky like you and had a private room/toilet. Oddly she longed for someone to talk to after a week. Got it the next day, a temp roomie. Drove her MAD with constant yapping on her mobile and not a word to her. So try to enjoy your private room.

Hope you have some e-books you can download and your wi-fi keeps you in touch.

Thanks, Ann for looking after your friend and letting us virtual friends know.

Wishing you the best... xxxx Lewlew

& a (((((hug))))

Keep smiling, ruby. A clean toilet and hopefully your own television will make you the envy of the ward. You can invite lesser mortals in for a chat. I'm hopeless at jokes so won't even try. Thinking of you, hope things move forward very soon. , and grapes smuggled . X

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'

I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'

I bought a train ticket and the driver said "Eurostar" I said "Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin? Still, at least it's comfortable on Eurostar, it's murder on the Orient Express...

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".

So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, it's a permanent job."

Courtesy of Tim Vine

So funny, thanks for those.

Aw, brilliant messages and jokes there girls. Thank you. I appreciate the many flowers and wine, although after all this, I will get some champagne to celebrate with. I think I deserve it. I will share it with you all though, of course. (smile)

I've took some laxative all day (they only trust me with 10mls at a time), so now I am full of wind and my stomach feels empty. You are lucky to have access to your own food cupboards and fridges! I have had some toast, but I would have more at home to settle my stomach. But then I'd take more laxative in one go and be done with it. I got my first dose this morning. They don't listen to how you do things yourself.

So, I'm off to my private privvy. Please keep chatting to me, corny Tim Vine jokes and all, I love it. Thanks buddies. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Doctor Doctor. I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains. Pull yourself together.
Doctor Doctor. I think people are ignoring me. Next!
Doctor Doctor. My dog keeps digging up the garden. Take away his spade

TOE being done pm tomorrow under GA. Love you all. Xxx

Finally, eh ruby.? Will be thinking of you. Soon be time for the champagne.

At long last! I'm sure all will go well!

Hope all goes well. We'll all be round for the champagne party afterwards - I hope your room is big enough.

Will be thinking of you Ruby, after today things should start to improve

Ruby I hope all goes well for you tomorrow. ??

This is yet another exploratory procedure to look at the heart valve, not the replacement she had been told would be next.

Ruby, best wishes for the procedure. Can't believe you have been in hospital over three weeks. I know what you feel about " doing it yourself" , still hey ho, you are being looked after and will soon be as good as new.

Thanks for the update, ann60. Ruby, hope they will be able to schedule the replacement once they have had another look at your heart. It seems they are proceeding with great caution which is as reassuring as it is frustrating. Good luck with today's job. xx