Going to a wedding alone...

I've been to a couple of weddings solo, two Hindu in the UK and a Moslem one in Tunis, despite being a WASP (White Anglo-Saxon Protestant) all involving overnight stays. People were lovely and I had a great time. At my granddaughter's wedding I was seated at a table with some lovely people as my son, the bride's father, was divorced from her mother, which could have had the potential awkwardness.

Guess this is the thing. As we get older, getting out of your comfort zone gets harder. When I was young, thought nothing of travelling to all sorts of places alone. Parties, abroad, etc solo. Now it's a challenge. Have turned down three party invites recently as couldn't face doing them alone. If the ex-husband was still with me, he was always fairly useless in social situations, I was the social one.
But it's just that not arriving at places looking like the one who failed to get or hang on to a partner. Think this wedding invite is crystallising my fears of getting old on my own. And it's scary.

Don't go!

I'm another saying don't go if you don't want to. Just politely decline. I get asked to go to many a thing and everyone knows I'd rather poke sharp sticks in my eyes than drive miles on my own to make polite conversation with people who aren't in my small social circle these days. It's ok to not want to.

How soon is the wedding? You do know that there is a special place in hell reserved for people who change their minds about coming to a wedding at short notice don't you? <sends evil thoughts to two people who did this at my dd's wedding nine years ago and I've neither forgotten nor forgiven> ?

Is that supposed to be a funny tongue in cheek thing Rigby? Pretty weird.

At least you got short notice Rigby - a key family member simply didn't arrive, we were told by one of her immediate family that she couldn't face the drive.

Sorry - need for edit button, again.
Shizam, if it's going to be a miserable experience, with an anxious build up,make your mind up and if you aren't going, give them decent notice with a very simple explanation as to why not. if you decide to go, stop worrying and enjoy the bits you can enjoy.

I'll probably regret asking this saak but what's weird?

The OP obviously is having anxiety about driving miles to go to a wedding on her own and you tell her "tongue in cheek" that you still don't forgive a couple of people that didn't go. Weird to say such things as a jest, weird.

* saak* did I say it was tongue in cheek? I think on this thread there has been a lot of helpful and supportive advice for the OP, including from me. But I have now made a completely sensible suggestion - she's got to make her mind up, think about others and if she can't face it, tell them asap that she's not going and explain - she says the MOB is a very old friend.

A very old friend may not still be a very good friend Rigby and your comments we're not great, hence me asking whether they were tongue in cheek or otherwise they would be rather inappropriate.

Either way saak the OP says she is a very old friend and her kind invitation deserves to be treated with respect. My comments were fine - in this situation as a potential guest she should appreciate the cost and effort that goes into organising many weddings - it's hardly a 'do pop into the pub if you're passing' type of invite is it? ( Not that there's anything wrong with that if that's what's happening of course)

OP I'm not having a go at you at all - just saying make your mind up, they may well have a waiting list or be able to adjust numbers with the caterers and so not be charged for your meal , if you cancel in good time ( and redo the seating plan for the fiftieth time )

Your comments were not fine Rigby. The OP shouldn't have to go if she doesn't want to. The OP is very allowed to say that she has changed her mind due to how she described things in her post. Surely a good friend would understand, I certainly would. I wouldn't appreciate you're type of pressure thats for sure.

*your

I'm not sure why I keep replying saak - I expect my G&T is late. No one is saying the OP has to go, I'm saying that she should decide and let her friend know if she isn't going to. It's quite simple really - I call it being polite and thoughtful.

Don't reply or mention me then, Im good with that.

I hear the chink of the ice cubes

Well I think you should go Shizam. Access your earlier self that did and enjoyed all sorts of things on her own. You never know, the love of your life might be there. Don't just sit around, go out and live!

Not before time Rigby or maybe a little fib? Think I heard them from your quarters a while ago. I've just cooked dinner for DS and his girlfriend and waved them off, so will be joining you soon. Dying for a wine or 7.

Be the "awkward weirdo" with panache!

Seriously though, just have confidence in who you are and enjoy meeting lots of new people and seeing a young couple starting out on their lives. Concentrate on the fun and squash those doubts - how lovely that your old friend wants you to be there to share the day!

Just don't go OP if you don't want to. Too many people "expect" others to be something they really don't want to or need to be. The only wedding I will go to now is that of my son or people in my close friend group (a healthy 3). I get that you said yes initially then thought about it and don't want to. Decline, they won't notice anyway really.

I think the sort of people who are telling the OP to go! Have fun! Enjoy yourself! have no conception of how this kind of occasion can be an ordeal for some people.

My husband is not very sociable and over the years I have been to many events and places on my own. I was nearly always asked where is your husband. I usually gave some excuse but what I really wanted to respond " Why? Am I not good enough alone." As I have got older I now find lots a single older people who are very pleased to see me also alone.

I do think you should tell your friend that you are a bit concerned that you won't know anyone and if she is a good hostess she will delegate a few people to look after you if she hasn't already done so.

Also the way some of these partners behave I am sure many people would have a better time on their own! I find my single friends are having a great time. (Not that I want to be single I have a lovely husband who encourages me to do what I enjoy.)