Going to a wedding alone...

Love the idea Lona that you'll all be with me in spirit! Will keep that in my mind. Think wedding has come to represent all of my fears of facing future alone. Sure I must have felt lonely when I was young, in fact I can remember it. But feel so much more vulnerable now. Lost so much confidence. But hiding in my bunker isn't going to resolve that, so I will go. And see how my wobbly nerve copes!

It's a bit of a balancing act, Shizam. You don't want to offend an old friend and I know you'd love to see her. However, you'd be away from home for two nights and might find yourself in a solo position among a crowd of people who mean nothing to you. I know - it happened to me and I wouldn't do it again! Maybe, if you really have qualms about it, you could ring your friend with a completely plausible excuse reason for not attending, and arrange for her and her husband to visit you for a weekend in the summer.

Shizam Sounds like your friend is very thoughtful. Go and enjoy yourself and you won't be on your own because we will all be there too (in spirit) prodding you gently from behind ??

Have a great time Shizam ??

I think that your friend realises it could be hard for you and so the family will absorb you into their numbers and you will have a fab time. - so far so good with your arrangements.

So pleased for you Shizam. Travelling when you are older is better because you become invisible as you age. You can wander around unnoticed, without any annoying comments or offers.

Little update. Asked friend if anyone from inn was booking cab so if I could join them. And said was feeling a bit eek about going alone, She said had already planned someone from family would come and get me and then I will be there pre wedding. Which is just brilliant.
Still have to conquer travelling there, day etc, alone! Went all over Hawaii alone when young. Youth is a wonderful thing!

Have been reading all answers to this thread you have been given some great advice Shizam and really do feel for you , pretty sure I would feel same , on your last post you say about how your friend would feel about your dilemma, if you had a chat to her about how you feel do you think she would be able to make an extra effort ( along with all her other jobs for the day ? ) to make sure you were seated with someone you're comfortable with at the church and reception , Good luck whatever you decide

I am so touched by all your messages, for and against going.Thank you again. Of course I will let them know if I'm not going, still have time to confirm.
Thinking about it, the ex who would have been plus one was always socially tricky, so it's just the thought of arriving alone. The only family members that could have been persuaded, if I'd asked for another plus 1, are busy that weekend.
So, it's either gird my loins. Or not!
Think my friend who invited me would be horrified that this has come to represent such a mountain to me. But it is quite hard being 'of an age' and single. Usually happy to hide in my bunker and not face up to this.

I think you will be fine, Shizam. In recent years I've been to weddings, funerals, parties etc, entirely alone.
I am always overwhelmingly touched by how kind and friendly most people are when they discover you are alone.
Weddings in particular are lovely happy occasions and I bet you will find that you enjoy it.

Well Witzend, I was widowed quite young, am easily noticed in a crowd due to my size and am very deaf, so I guess I know what an ordeal social occasions can be! But the more you retreat from things the smaller your world becomes until even everyday stuff is scarey. And I have never met with anything except friendliness and being included. It's a wedding!

My husband is not very sociable and over the years I have been to many events and places on my own. I was nearly always asked where is your husband. I usually gave some excuse but what I really wanted to respond " Why? Am I not good enough alone." As I have got older I now find lots a single older people who are very pleased to see me also alone.

I do think you should tell your friend that you are a bit concerned that you won't know anyone and if she is a good hostess she will delegate a few people to look after you if she hasn't already done so.

Also the way some of these partners behave I am sure many people would have a better time on their own! I find my single friends are having a great time. (Not that I want to be single I have a lovely husband who encourages me to do what I enjoy.)

I think the sort of people who are telling the OP to go! Have fun! Enjoy yourself! have no conception of how this kind of occasion can be an ordeal for some people.

Just don't go OP if you don't want to. Too many people "expect" others to be something they really don't want to or need to be. The only wedding I will go to now is that of my son or people in my close friend group (a healthy 3). I get that you said yes initially then thought about it and don't want to. Decline, they won't notice anyway really.

Be the "awkward weirdo" with panache!

Seriously though, just have confidence in who you are and enjoy meeting lots of new people and seeing a young couple starting out on their lives. Concentrate on the fun and squash those doubts - how lovely that your old friend wants you to be there to share the day!

Not before time Rigby or maybe a little fib? Think I heard them from your quarters a while ago. I've just cooked dinner for DS and his girlfriend and waved them off, so will be joining you soon. Dying for a wine or 7.

Well I think you should go Shizam. Access your earlier self that did and enjoyed all sorts of things on her own. You never know, the love of your life might be there. Don't just sit around, go out and live!

I hear the chink of the ice cubes

Don't reply or mention me then, Im good with that.

I'm not sure why I keep replying saak - I expect my G&T is late. No one is saying the OP has to go, I'm saying that she should decide and let her friend know if she isn't going to. It's quite simple really - I call it being polite and thoughtful.

*your

Your comments were not fine Rigby. The OP shouldn't have to go if she doesn't want to. The OP is very allowed to say that she has changed her mind due to how she described things in her post. Surely a good friend would understand, I certainly would. I wouldn't appreciate you're type of pressure thats for sure.

OP I'm not having a go at you at all - just saying make your mind up, they may well have a waiting list or be able to adjust numbers with the caterers and so not be charged for your meal , if you cancel in good time ( and redo the seating plan for the fiftieth time )

Either way saak the OP says she is a very old friend and her kind invitation deserves to be treated with respect. My comments were fine - in this situation as a potential guest she should appreciate the cost and effort that goes into organising many weddings - it's hardly a 'do pop into the pub if you're passing' type of invite is it? ( Not that there's anything wrong with that if that's what's happening of course)

A very old friend may not still be a very good friend Rigby and your comments we're not great, hence me asking whether they were tongue in cheek or otherwise they would be rather inappropriate.