People who need people.

MawBrown, I am 'talking' on the internet too. I enjoy it. I appreciate others do too and that this sort of interaction is a lifeline for many.

My post wasn't about why do people seek online friends though.

I appreciate too that there is a world of difference if one is housebound or completely alone in the world.

I enjoy being here too, online....as I sit alone with the radio on. I just wondered if being 'self contained' and not needing others was unusual, that's all.

MOnica, my soon has made the same choices as your daughter.

He's a lovely young man but the thought of being tied down, having to compromise and having someone in his life 24/7 just doesn't appeal to him. Like me, he is fairly genial and quite sociable but he doesn't need or want too many friendships to maintain and values all his fairly solitary hobbies.

Having read replies it's interesting to note others do feel the same way.

I have tried to push myself to be more sociable and have found out about groups in my area like the WI and U3A, and various choirs, as I do like to sing, but knowing myself, I know there would be far too many weeks when I'd find excuses not to go and I'd hate to let people down if they are relying on me.

day 6
Why on earth should it be "unusual"??

day6 The WI is 2 hour meeting once a month! It doesn't exactly take over your life, unless you want it to fill more time and you join the extra groups e.g. book club/walking as I have done. But they are only for a couple of hours every so often. But if you are content as you are why bother?

I too have DH, DDs and DGCs close by, good longstanding friends , a surrogate sister in my cousin, and 2 x brothers. I have a reasonably busy social life but still find plenty of time to read, garden, watch TV, listen to the radio & enjoy my own company. Your life sounds pretty 'normal' to me. If you are content don't worry and let others live the lives that bring them pleasure.

Sorry katyk u not close to your daughter, but yes believe me please don't go Estranged that is horrific.

Thankfully I am Very close to my lovely son and his family.

I will always egret being cut off by my only daughter and not damn thing I can do about it,

Day6 , I completely understand where you are coming from. I can get quite agitated if I don`t have lots of time alone to do my own thing . I also dread social functions and will avoid them if possible , hate people just dropping in. I have always assumed that I am an introvert but can also see that loneliness is a very different thing from choosing to be alone . I have a lovely family and friends , a job two mornings a week and can choose to be with people if I want . I don`t have good physical health , have suffered major depression a few times in my life , overall I am thankful for all I have and everyone in my life but I do get what you are saying .

Is - the antidote to woes is to find people to talk to - true?

MawBroon, I ask because most of my friends and people I know who are recently retired seem to have the need to fill their lives with activities and people.

My OH thinks it strange that I prefer shopping on my own, that I'll go to the cinema or theatre on my own rather than seek out people to accompany me, and I'll plonk myself down in a café on my own for lunch. He can think of nothing worse and jokes I am "Billy No Mates" even though he knows I have lovely, loyal friends, many going back to my school days. He won't even go to the pub on his own unless he knows that there'll be a friend there to chat with.

I was an incredibly shy child, and teenager, and young adult now I think about it. I became more confident once I entered the world of work, and as I've grown older I've felt much more comfortable in myself and confidence issues aren't a problem now, but I suspect my early life has a bearing on why I am perfectly happy being alone and doing things alone.

It would seem that in troubled times people seek out others, and that's perfectly understandable I think Anniebach. Obviously there are many troubles that don't go away, no matter how many people you can talk with.

The (good) advice on here is often to find social groups, to join things, etc.

My dear old Mum used to say "A trouble shared is a trouble halved."

I am not even very good at doing that.

Day6, big difference in choosing to shop or have lunch in s cafe on your own to reaching out for advice or support if you have no one close to turn to . I assume when you have woes you have no need to share them with your husband ?

I am not sure day6 if you are content with how your life is or not, or just wondering if you are 'normal'?

I am happy to go places on my own but I enjoy meeting new people too probably because I am very nosy!

I have recently (in the last 4 years) made 4/5 new friends and we have good times together and share a of laughter,but we do not live in each others pockets either!

If you have some feelings of need for more friends then seek them out. You sound like an interesting person that would be a good friend so it should be easy!

However, if you are happy with your life don't change it!

Why are you nit-picking Anniebach?

I KNOW there is a difference in having someone in my life I can do things with if I so choose.

I KNOW I am fortunate and others have lost loved ones. I mentioned that in my OP.

Do you want an apology or something? I thought this place was for discussion. The discussion is about " people who need people". The song goes on to say they are the luckiest people in the world.

This is not a discussion about loneliness, so if that's an important topic to you, why not start a thread about it instead of chastising me for being the self-contained person I am?

Penstemmon, I must admit that I sometimes feel guilty that I can idle my days away doing nothing much and feel quite content.

I'll get Whatsapp messages from girlfriends detailing the jam-packed days they've planned for themselves, with the gym, meeting friends, jumping on trains to places etc, and I often wonder why I don't want more from life.

In fairness, many are widows and may feel the need to fill their days with people and places to go. Like me, they have families too, but don't see a lot of their adult children. Even when I was on my own I felt no need to have others accompany me to an exhibition, a gallery or a talk etc, and I knew if I wanted coffee or food I'd not feel the need to invite someone to join me.

The difference is they do very little on their own and also feel the need for a plan of activities for their week. I'll happily drift into mine and see what crops up, knowing I can potter and do stuff I enjoy if I don't have to be anywhere.

I guess we are all different.

Nothing strange about you Day6. We are all so different, and our very uniqueness is a kind of loneliness in itself. You can still have love in your heart for others, and sometimes, loners can be more understanding and compassionate.

Thank you celeb No we won't become estranged. When I say we are not close, I mean not as close as I would like to be. She is a good person getting on with her life. Sometimes I feel left out but that is my problem not hers. I'm sorry for your situation.

day6 don't feel guilty for being OK with yourself.

DH and I still do bits of work and so are not in each others pockets and if we are at home together for too long it can drive us both a bit stir crazy! Perhaps that is why I made new friends when we moved..I knew I would need a good excuse to leave the house
Don't get me wrong , we share interests and spend good times together too and have shared friends that we like to meet up with fairly regularly. But it is whatever suits your needs as an idividual or as a couple. Enjoy!

Why do some when they start a discussion accuse those who cannot agree of nit picking or getting st them, if you don't want anyone to disagree then best to remain silent surely?

I apologise in advance if I have missed something but I see no mention of those who are alone through circumstance and not of their own volition in your OP other than your comment for so many the antidote to woes is to find people to talk to or to share problems and I can understand why this can be seen as hurtful to those whose "default position " is not privacy and time to themselves, but loneliness, infirmity and isolation.

You say you appreciate you are lucky etc etc but you sound to me like someone who bounces into A&E extolling the pleasures of *walking to work" or like someone in the Jobcentre who says how much they appreciate not having deadlines to work to.
Don't you see that?
I do actually LIKE going to things such as the theatre my own because I invariably find a kindred spirit to talk to!
You need to be sensitive to those whose circumstances are very different before you say how wonderful your life is if you are not to sound (dare I say it) smug

Thanks katyk? So glad you not likely to be Estranged there is no pain like it,

I can only imagine celebgran

I agree MawBroom, I suggest volunteering to be a telephone friend in Silverline, D6 can ask the same question to the many waiting for a Silverline friend . Because the O/P was realy a question

And the answer to that question from me is , "No you are not unusual. Many people are happy with their own company and do not feel the need for a full social diary. However those who do prefer a busier life with others around them are not unusual either! "

I don't read it as you Penstemmon , well not the opening line.for so many the antidote to woes is to find people to talk to or share problems. Then goes on to say I have a husband, friends etc .

Can we not think of those who have posted here in despair , it surely risks making some feel weak of spirit and it is this which troubles me. It reads -

For so many the antidote for woes is to find people to talk to, but me, I am strong, don't have this need that weaker people have.

But some people do keep their own counsel and don't seek to share problems with others.

I see what you are saying and it is awful if people are burdened with concerns and want someone to talk to but have nobody close by to share a problem with. I guess I just picked up the 'am I unusual?' bit..and no I don't think OP is!

Maybe too, OP has not had any major crises to need to turn to others for support and help. That is lucky and more unusual!

So now I am feeling smug because I am a loner.

Sigh. I give up. I reckon some people could start a fight with themselves in a telephone box.

I found human ways quite fascinating. I quite like trying to understand what makes us tick, how we are in certain situations and our likes and dislikes. That's why I read here. There are so many interesting threads. There are also so many lonely people.

Should we now MawBroon, preface every post with apologies, because the topic doesn't take into account certain groups? Have you any idea of my personal circumstances, because for you to suggest I am insensitive is a huge assumption.

You have completely or deliberately misunderstood my post. I appreciate that a written account can be misinterpreted but you are so wide of the mark in suggesting my being OK with doing things alone is boastful or smug, because some people are alone, and not by choice and I haven't considered them.

That's a huge and rather snide misinterpretation of my post.

I am grateful every single day for my blessings. If what you're saying is some people hate being alone, I appreciate that, and if you are saying many people are alone for a variety of reasons and would love to have friends and family, I understand that too. That wasn't what my post was about though, but you and Anniebach have decided it should be.

Thankfully most people have read my post in the spirit in which it was intended without trying to weave in their own deliberately querulous agenda.