Treating parents like children

No , I am 79 and DD1 wraps my scarf on my neck and tells me to button my coat , I am quite Tech savvy , thank goodness and can sort the tv or the phone sometimes !!

I cut out the middle generation and get my 12 year old DGS to help with anything techie. He is always pleased to show me a new app, or how to do something.

You are joking! My children would have short shrift if they ever attempted to patronise me.

Too right, Badenkate!

I'd remind your daughter, watermeadow, that you taught her to use a spoon and wipe her bum.

Although Maggie they may be doing that for us one day.

Very true, roses.

rosesarered if it comes to that I hope they treat you with the respect you deserve.My late mum had multiple health issues towrds the end of her life,double incontinence one of them .The loss of her dignity was heartbreaking, despite the fact she had no option but to call me when there was a problem I'd often find her in tears ,apologising that I had to clean her up and clean up the mess on the floor/couch or wherever she's had her wee acciident.I loved her dearly but it was very hard to watch a fastidious and proud woman reduced to that state

I treat DC as adults and they return the compliment. Mind you, like Badenkate I would soon put them in their place if they tried it.

Watermeadow, could you ask a friend to help you learn technology? Or surprise them all and go on a short course.

I'm afraid I'm guilty of this. When my mother moved in with us after my father died I remember we were taking her out to dinner and before we left asking her if she'd been to the loo. I wished I'd had a camera to capture the look on her face. She was 62.

I always spoke to my DSs as equals, even when they were little! And they more or less treat me equally too now that they are middle-aged.

I too became the "parent" of my mum who had dementia. I have never forgotten the day I was cleaning her up and changing her after an "accident", when she turned to me in a moment of lucidity and said to me. "Have I come to this, just let me go (die)."
I was heartbroken.
On the other hand, my own children are the opposite. They forget I am not getting any younger and still expect me to be the fit,energetic, tech savvie person I was when they were growing up. Now and again, I would be happy for them to take charge. I suppose it is a sort of compliment that they don't see me as an old biddy.

Yes, Marydoll, a lot of the time my 30-something children AND my 93 year old mother expect me to be the fit and competent person I was at 40. And at other times, they all talk to me as if I'm a bit stupid - old biddy to the children and young flibbertigibbert to my mum! You can't win.

My eldest daughter is very much the same but I'm sure her the fact she has been a teacher for over 15 years has a lot to do with it I do frequently remind her I'm not one of her pupils she is a lovely caring daughter and it irritates my younger daughter more than me in the future I will use the reminder of the bum and spoon

I have always been interested in technology so I still have no problem in learning new technology. I don't think it's because we're older that most of us need help with technology - I know from other things I am not very interested in that I would prefer someone else to set them up for me so I can just use them, rather than bore myself having to learn about it. As we get older our brains become more selective in what they want to deal with. Anyone who is getting their children to set up their phones and TVs should be assured that should their children not be available to do it, and if they were motivated enough to bother, they could do it themselves.

I've had the same with my daughter. It's often a sign that she's under stress. A quiet word, in private, about the importance of mutual courtesy and respect has usually set things straight.

Love my mum but she is totally clueless when it comes to anything technological! She's still wise and funny and clever and taught me all the great important life skills I have now. Because of my mum I'm one of a almost extinct breed of people that makes ' real gravy' !

Precisely the older generation (that's generally us) have many skills that are alien to our children. We know how to bake using basic ingredients, tends the garden with hand tools etc. We know about Fscebook, Twitter and other things modern but have chosen not to use them.

Some of our children look for hidden signs of dementia when they are not there.

I have had a Computer as long as my children have and therefore there is no reason why they should know more. I also have implemented computerised account systems into the places I work on several occasions since 1995 and at the moment implementing an upgrade to our present ERP system. However, my Children still talk to me about technology as if I'm about 90 and never come across this before.
Th only thing I don't understand is when people start using initials instead of words, some I work out e.g. DH and I am presuming it's means Darling Husband, what I don't understand is why you would call him darling all the time.
Saying that and going back to the subject, my Daughter was terribly patronising to me last year and it got too much for me and I walked out the room. My husband took her to one side and I'm not sure what he said, but she hasn't done it since.

I am a young gran (mid 40s) and I am the tech person for a few older friends who either don't have a tech minded child of their own or who's kids don't have patience!
A very good friend of mine bought a laptop. She called me to say she was typing on the keyboard but nothing was showing on the screen. Turns out she was typing on the keyboard of the old tower pc!
I have to admit I think I have less patience for my mum.
I think this is because I know what she is/was capable of doing. I really hope that doesn't make me sound mean ?

By using age as an excuse for techno-phobia you're ASKING to be patronised.

Yes mine does at times and I wonder if it reflects on the way I spoke to her as a child. Also she sometimes doesn't believe me when I say I don't know how to do something, especially on a computer.

Mines exactly the same until she they want a babysitter! lol